


The Light We Lost

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorce, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: James Buchanan Barnes had been it for you, and you wanted to believe that what the two of you had, was you making it. You wanted to be the other side of the statistics that actually made it, but your marriage wasn’t meant for this life. You fought hard to make your way back to him, to get him to see you, but life had a funny way of kicking you down when you were already down.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 56
Kudos: 160





	1. You Have Been Served

_ Calloused fingers danced softly across your ever _ _ - _ _ prominent bump _ _ , fingers dipping with the stretch marks that  _ _ kissed _ _ your skin _ _ from your first born _ _. _

_ “You’re awfully quiet this evening petal, what’s on your mind?” _ _ He questioned lips brushing against the top of your head. _

_ Your fingers rubbed at his bare chest, sliding till they rested just above his heart, your hand going flat to feel the  _ _ soft  _ _ ‘ _ _ thump, thump, thump _ _ ’. _

_ “I’ve always worried about bringing a child into this life, but we brought our son and things were magical, but now we’re bringing our daughter, and I just wonder if it’ll be just as magical, or will it all just go to shit.” _

_ Bucky chuckles at your use of language, his lips pressing into your hair, “sweetheart there is nothing you and I can’t overcome,” his fingers slide under your chin, bringing your eyes up to meet his in the pale of the moonlight dusting your room. “You and I can overcome anything this life throws at us, Petal, it’s you, me, and these wonderful blessings you’ve given me, I promise you my love that I will fight for the three of you till my last breath, I've loved you for so long, and I'll keep loving you through it all.” _

_ Tears pooled in your eyes, your hand sliding up his chest till they came to rest on his stubbled cheek, “I love you James Buchanan Barnes, and I promise I will keep fighting for you, alongside you till I am old and grey.” _

_ His head pressed to yours, nose to nose, “it’s you and me Petal, till the end of the line.” _

_ It was a promised shared, a promise to remain faithful to your vows that you had made to one another two years prior _ _. _

You weren't sure what had changed since that night you made that promise, there were many nights leading to your decision that you had laid in a cold bed wondering what it was, was it the children, the job, was it you. You could never really wrap your head around the sudden shift between you and your beloved husband, how badly you longed to go back to what the two of you were before.

You loved Bucky with every fiber of your being, were faithful to him till the very end, but you just couldn’t bear to go another day looking at the rock of the man that had become your husband. He was barely present, barely ever there for you and your children, and with each year that passed, each year that  your children grew even they beg an  to notice their father s absence.

At first it  hadn’t been an issue, it was always a reassuring ‘daddy will be home soon, he’s just with uncle Steven,” until it was  ‘daddy should be home in a couple of hours, he’s with uncle Steve and  _ Lorraine _ .” 

Lorraine the bane of your existence ;  Lorraine was the one Bucky told you not to worry about, what good that had done you. Lorraine was new to the Barnes, Rogers household name, it had been Bucky’s fathers last  wish to have  Bucky assigned another right hand before he passed , and they had made sure to see it through .

You were anything but happy to have Lorraine assigned as one of Bucky’s right hands, but your father in law thought it would be wise and you could not argue. Coming from two different house hold names, there were many instances in which you could not overstep the Barnes, Rogers orders and they could not overstep yours. This came with the life, this came with your life, and how badly did you just want to throw it all to shit, but when you r father had decided it was time for him and your mother to step down you had no choice but to step up regardless of the two children you had at home, and your slowly failing marriage, or at least to you it felt it was , Bucky had always thought otherwise, he thought you two were as happy as ever, content even.

You remembered the first night you had brought up your concern to Bucky, it had been weeks already of late nights on his end, and you had barely had any time with him.

“ _ y/n, petal, not this again,” bucky sighed, “there is nothing going on with me and Lorraine, how many times do I have to promise you that the only one for me is you,” his hand cups your cheek, thumb running over the top, “petal I promised you till the end of the line, I see no end in sight for us.” _

_ “but bucky I barely see you anymore, barely feel you at night anymore,” you argued, “our children miss you, I miss you, you spend more time with Lorraine than you do your own wif _ _ e and kids.” _

_ “Dove,” _ _ Bucky murmured head pressing to yours _ _ ,  _ _ and that name was only ever used when he needed you to listen, to understand, _ _ “we have to much riding on this job for me to just let my guard down _ _ , give me two months sweetheart, give me two months and I’ll whisk you and the children away.” _

_ You shook your head, a pout  _ _ kissing your lips,  _ _ “is your wife and children needing to see more of their father and husband _ _ really asking you to let your guard down,” you questioned, Bucky sighed, “dove you know I didn’t mean it like that, you know -” _

_ You stepped away from him, moving over to your dresser, _ _ “ _ _ I know Bucky, I know what the life entailed, I know what’s asked of us, I know,” you grunted, “but it doesn’t mean I agree with any of it _ _ , that I have to be okay with it _ _ , I miss my husband Bucky _ _ , I miss you, hell I work in this life to Bucky, I have to watch shipments, watch money, watch the streets for shady shit _ _ , but I still make time for our home, ours kids _ _ , _ _ I make time for you.” _

_ Bucky’s moving towards you, muscled torso straining in his  _ _ black button up, god how badly you wanted to rip it from him, to feel him above you _ _ , to have your fingers run over the various scars that decorated his body. _

_ “Petal two months, two months and I’m all yours and the kids, I can’t let this go baby _ _ ,” he _ _ replies hands _ _ reaching out for you, and you want to step away, to just call it a night and crawl into your bed _ _ , _ _ the one you had grown accustomed to sleeping in alone at night but you missed him, you missed him so much. _

_ You follow the pull of his arms as they fall away from your cheek's hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you into his chest, your fingers immediately curling into the back of his shirt, face pressing into his chest breathing in his scent. Tears threatened to pull in your eyes, “I miss you Bucky, I miss you so much.” you murmur the first tear falling from your eyes. _

_ You don’t see it when Bucky's jaw clenches at your words, you just feel when his arms constrict around you tighter his lips pressing to the top of your head. Bucky doesn’t know what to say to make any of this better, he knows his absence is affecting you, it's affecting the kids, but he can’t let his guard down with this job, he can’t. _

_ But he needs you to know he loves you, that your it for him, that no woman could ever take the place you hold so dearly in his heart. So he does what he knows best when his words fail him, his hands slide up your sides till they’re resting on your cheek, your chin, getting you to look up at him, lips pressing to yours roughly. You melted into him, lips molding perfectly against his, tongues tangling with one another. _

_ His hands snake down your body, fingers gripping under your thighs as he lifts you easily off the floor, your legs wrapping around his waist as he stumbles with you to the bed, his back hitting the sheets. You pull away from his lips with a breathy gasp his fingers pushing your hair behind your ear, “I love you sweetheart, you have to know that.” _

_ “then show me, please show me.” _

“y/n, y/n, sugar you okay?” you shook yourself of your reverie eyes meeting Sam’s concerned ones, you rub at your eyes, you had been spacing out all meeting.

“yeah, yeah I'm fine Sam, just thinking,” a hand ran over your head, “I'm sorry where were we.”

Sam sighed pushing the papers laid out in front of you off to the side, “y/n I know none of this is easy, I can’t imagine what you're going through, but are you sure this is still something you want to see through,” he questions, “you’ve been at this for weeks, on top of trying to keep your streets clean, and be a mom to those wonderful children of yours, your wearing yourself thin, you don’t need this extra stress, all this can wait.”

You shook your head eyes meeting Sam’s, “I’m tired Sammy, I'm tired of going home to an empty house and knowing he still has a claim over me, I'm tired of the kids asking for him and not knowing what to tell them anymore they’re four and five now Sammy, four and five” you cried, “I'm tired of having to put my happiness off for him because he isn’t sure what he wants anymore, I'm tired of coming in second to  _ his  _ life, I don’t need this and his children don’t need this.”

Sam sighed, he didn’t like having to come between two of his best friends, but he would always side with you. He had made that very clear the night that you had called him in tears asking for his help, crying to him that you were tired and you didn’t know who to turn to, that you just wanted this ache in your chest to end. So he had promised to see you in his office that morning bright and early to help in any way that he could, he just didn’t think he would be helping you have divorce papers written up, to serve your husband.

“Babe he hasn’t signed them since we drew them up three weeks ago, he’s been putting them off for days now, he’s always finding an excuse to give me not to sign them, I don’t know what more I can do other than getting his lawyers involved.”

You shook your head, you hadn’t want it to come to this, to needing to get more people involved, you had thought with how distant Bucky had become from you, that it would be as easy as serving him, it's not like you saw much of him anyways, the two months he had promised you had never come.

“Sam you know I don’t want that, I don’t want this dragging out any longer, are there no other options?”

Sam sighs rubbing a hand over his bearded chin, “I know you say he isn’t home most of the day and even through the night so getting him to sign them then is out of the question, but maybe you could catch him at the office.”

A groan fell from your lips, and Sam gave you a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry y/n, I know why you’ve been holding off the office, but if you want this divorce to go through, that might be the only place you’ll be able to get him to listen to your reasons.”

“Sammy you know why I can’t go to that damn office, you know why I can’t serve him there, me doing that especially in front of her would be me signing him away to her, she’s waiting Sam, she’s waiting to be able to make moves on him freely and you know that.”

Sam knew, Sam knows, he had watched the two of you fall apart like molasses for years after your second born, watching Lorraine slowly worm her way into your husbands' side, stitching herself there.

“Babe I really am sorry but he’s refusing me, if you’d like I can go with you, be there for support, but if we want to do this without involving his lawyers than I need you to try,” his hand takes ahold of yours, “if this is something you really want, and you think it’s best for you and the kids, then I need you to try.”

It’s Sam’s reassuring squeeze and the comforting smile he offers you that has you asking for the papers. With the papers in hand you give Sam one last hug with a promise to call him that night, “and tell James and Winnie that uncle Sam misses them.” he calls out after you as you depart from his office.

James and Winnie, your two treasures, you couldn’t imagine a life without your rays of shine, they brought you so much happiness, happiness that was quickly depleting.

The drive to Bucky’s office was long and nerve-wrecking, your heart was thumping heavily in your ears by the time you pulled into the parking spot, and it jumped to your throat nearly choking you when you grabbed ahold of the file Sam made for you making your way out of the car, feet carrying you to the office doors.

You had always been respected by Bucky’s men and women, and many of them knew of your relationship  with their boss  slowly ripping at the seams, it seemed Bucky was the only one in the dark of what was going on between the two of you . Steve was there to greet you, offering you a sympathetic smile at the sight of the folder in your shaky hands. Steve like Sam understood why you were doing what you were doing, he’ll he was the first before Sam that you confided in .

“Is he here Stevie,” you murmured fingers patting at his stubbled cheek when he released you from his hold , “sure is boss, but he won’t be too happy, Lorraine has been riding him.”

At the sound of her name and the way in which he chose to speak of her had you seeing red.

A curse fell from Steve’s lips as you marched passed him, enough was enough.

All eyes were on you as you blaze d down the hall to your husbands office Steve behind you , begging you to slow down, that his words had come out wrong.

That didn’t stop you as you kicked open the door blood boiling further as you caught sight of Lorraine perched on your husbands lap, fingers tugging at his long locks , a breathy chuckle falling from her lips.

“You absolute bastard,” you hissed .

Two  sets of wide eyes turned to you and they were scrambling to pull away from one another , as you drew closer angry words tearing from your lips. “ don’t worry about her, there’s nothing to worry about petal, me and you till the end of the line , ” you mocked, “ you goddamned liar,” you screamed.

“How long has this been going on has it been weeks, months, years,” you growled, “how fucking long has this filthy bitch been working her way into your arms while you reassured me that wasn’t the damn case!”

Bucky stood from the chair, “now petal,”

“Don’t you dare,” you growled pointing a finger, “don’t you dare use that name on me, you son of a b-”

“Y/n!”

You were seething, breathing wildly as you stared at your husband and his right hand, your fingers itched to pull the gun from your holster on your thigh , you could end it here, end all your worries, end the reason your marriage was going to shit.

“Wipe the fucking smug grin off your face  if you know what’s good for you, you whore.” You hissed eyes turning to slits.

The office around you fell deathly silent ; you flung the folder at Bucky hitting him square in the chest, “Sign. The. Damn. Papers.”

His head is snapping to Lorraine, “get out,” he growls.

But you’re raising a finger, “the whore,” you hiss, “can stay , besides this is what’s she’s been waiting for, isn’t it Lorraine,” you question, eyes snapping towards hers, the smug grin no longer there,  what  you’ve been  working to make happen, everyone can see it James everyone but you.”

“Enough y/n,” Bucky growls, “this,” he grunts throwing the file on the desk, “is between us  and no one else.”

“ Between us,” you question outraged, “how is this just between us when she’s managed to work her way between us, between you and your family ,” you yelled, “Bucky I’ve been trying to get  you to listen, to see, but it’s always work this, work that, Lorraine this, Lorraine that , I’m tired, I’m so tired of trying Bucky!”

“Get out Lorraine,” Bucky growls hand slamming on the desk, she jumps in her spot next to him  before she’s bolting from the office the door slamming behind her. Once the door is closed Bucky’s rounding his desk advancing on you, “what the absolute hell  has gotten into you dove!”

“ you're asking that to the wrong person Barnes, what the hell has gotten into you, you’re lying to your wife now?”

“how long has that been going on for huh, how many times has she made her way into your lap, giggling breathlessly like a fucking school girl with a crush on her teacher!” 

“y/n petal please,”

“enough,” you growl, “stop calling me petal, stop calling me dove, stop telling me it's nothing, bucky open your fucking eyes,” you yell, “are you going to stand there and tell me her on your lap, fingers in your hair, lips against your ear was nothing, that what I was seeing was nothing?”

“y/n.”

“No Bucky, no more,” you sigh, and he’s so close, getting closer and he knows, knows he’s your weakness, it kills you to have to step back, but you do, and hurt flashes in his eyes.

“I’m tired Bucky, I've been fighting this fight by myself for years, as soon as Winnifred turned one our marriage slowly started to go to shit, she is now four, I watched day by day as you slowly withdrew from us, from me, I watched as work became your utmost importance, had to listen to you drone on and on about Lorraine and what greatness she has done for you, for you crew,” your lip wobbled with the threat of oncoming tears, “and I tried Buck,” a choked cry, “ I tried so hard to keep fighting, to keep strong for us, but I-” a sniffle, “I can’t anymore Bucky, I can’t bear this pain in my chest anymore, can’t keep making up excuses to Winnie and James as to why daddy hasn’t been home, to why daddy doesn’t play with them anymore, I can’t keep going to bed alone anymore, I don’t want to.”

“Then why are you and Sam trying so hard to serve me these damn papers y/n,” he grunts moving towards you, hands cupping your face, “why are you doing this?” 

“Because I deserve to be happy.”

Bucky’s heart falters in his chest, hands falling from your face, “Bucky I know what being in this life means, I know it means long hours, dangerous take downs, I know it means keeping our streets and ours safe, I knew what I was signing up for when I married you, I'm in the life to alongside you, and I don’t regret that day one bit, but,” you suck in a shaky breath, “Bucky it’s not working, we’re not working, I can’t even remember the last time you touched me, told me you loved me, went on a date with me, made dinner with me and the kids,  it's been that long Buck.”

Bucky’s moving forward, closing the distance between the two of you, hands going for your face once more, his head falling to yours, “don’t do this sweetheart, just give me some time, I'll do better, make this better give me a month and I'll whisk you and the kids away, far  far away, just give me some time.”

The first sob tears through your lips, “Bucky I'm still waiting for the first two months to pass.”

He looks down at your tear stained cheeks, “w-what?”

A scoff leaves your lips, “Bucky I'm still waiting for the first two months, from that first night that I brought up Lorraine being an issue, and you told me to give you two months, those two months still haven't passed Buck, and with Lorraine always finding you  new things to bury the both of you in, we never will, I’m sorry James I am, but I just can’t, I can’t be second best to her.”

“Y/n, petal,  its not like that, just please.”

More tears slip from your eyes, “sign the papers James,” you struggle to keep yourself composed as you pull away from him, “just please sign the papers.”

Bucky struggles with himself, as he watches you turn on your heel, form defeated as you pull open the door, your demeanor immediately changing the second its pulled open, you look stronger than ever, and god did he love that about you.

You are quick to walk out the office doors, regardless of the tears rolling down your face you remained stoic, it wasn’t until you were in the safety of your car, driving down the winding roads to your and Bucky’s home that you finally broke. The tears falling heavier as you pulled into the driveway the sight of your kids running around carefree in the yard, only breaking you further.

You compose yourself as you make your way out of the car, James and Winnie greeting you head on as they raced to you, their tiny hands wrapping around your legs.

Rushed “we missed you mommy, we had so much fun with grandma mommy, and she let us have ice-cream for lunch.” was thrown at you, and though inside you were breaking you kept the brightest smile on your face as you walked with them up the steps of your home, telling them to head on inside and freshen up for dinner

You watched as your children darted inside, your mother standing from the porch swing as she made her way to you, “now before you chew my head  off I couldn’t possibly ever say no to those two d- y/n, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” your mother murmurs seeing your face fall tears flooding your eyes.

Your falling into her arms, taking her with you as you crumple to the wooden deck below you, “oh baby, sweetheart talk to me, please tell me what’s going on, you’re worrying me” your mother murmured rubbing your back as you sobbed into her shoulder.

“I served him the papers ma, I couldn’t anymore, I served him the papers.”

Your mother sucked in a breath, her head falling to yours as she held you tighter, “oh baby, my sweet darlin, it’s okay, mom’s here, mom’s here.”

“ it's hurts ma, I don’t want this, but I just want to be happy again, I just want to be happy.” you whimpered.

Your mother hushed you as she rocked the two of you, “it’s okay baby,  its going to be okay.”


	2. You Want A Battle I’ll Give You A War

James and Winnie were curled in your lap, tiny fingers absentmindedly tugging at your shirt, “Am I doing the right thing ma, did you and pa ever go through something like this, did you ever lose him to the job?”

Your mother sighed fingers rubbing over yours, “no, I don’t think I ever did lose your father to the job, at least not like this,” more tears flooded your eyes, “oh honey, please don’t cry any more, I know you love him, I see it every day, but you deserve to be happy, for yourself, for these beautiful babies,” she murmured rubbing her hand over Winnies small face. “Baby you fought long and hard for that man, you were the best wife, and partner to him while also making sure your father's name still runs through these streets, I'm so proud of you sweetheart, and so is dad, but it's been such a long time honey, you deserve all the happiness even if that means there will be temporary pain.”

“I just don’t want to do this without him mom, I love him, the kids love him, that’s their dad,” you cried wiping under your eyes, “this isn’t how I wanted this to go how I pictured the rest of my life, I wanted him to fight for me when I served him those papers, but he told me to give him two more months and me and the kids would be his.”

Your mother tsked, “how many months has he been telling you that for now,” she sighed, “you're not wrong for serving him, and you're not wrong for doing this for yourself, it’s going to be hard sweetheart, but you’re a y/l/n, and you will overcome this.”

Your sons hands are reaching up to wipe your tears, tiny pink lips pressing to your chin “no cry momma,” and it only makes you cry harder.

“Baby,” your mom coos, hand squeezing yours, “the kids don’t need to be seeing you like this, they need to see their momma happy, strong, they need to see a warrior.”

Your conversation is cut short when the beams of Bucky’s car shine through your curtains, “daddy’s home!” Winnie squeals wiggling in your lap to be put down, James sliding off as well to scurry after her.

Your mother squeezes your hand, “it’ll be alright sweetheart.” Your nodding you’re head a shaky breath leaving your lips as you watch the door push open, heart railing in your chest only to falter at the sight of Steve.

Brows furrowing you called out to him as you stood, “Steve what are you doing here, is everything okay, is Bucky okay?”

Steve couldn’t meet your eyes, his sole focus on the kids as he knelt down speaking in a hushed tone. Your children’s demeanor shifted, their tiny forms falling in on themselves, “ma would you take the kids to their room please.”

Your mother moves quickly standing from her spot to call out to the children, “James, Winnie, sweethearts lets go to your room and find a puzzle to put together what do you say?”

Where there should have been excited squeals from your children you were met with silence, there forlorn forms scuffing along after their grandmother.

You wait till you hear the soft click of their door before your eyes are meeting Steve’s, “what the hell did you say to them Steven.”

“Y/n please” he sighs

“Don’t you dare y/n please,” you mock angrily, “what did you say to my children!”

“They asked where there dad was.”

Your jaw clenches, “and where is there dad,” you questioned, “is he getting his lap warmed by that whore, is that why you’re here and he’s not?”

Steve moves towards you, “y/n if I had a say Bucky would be here not me, I don’t like coming in between him and his family it’s not right, but he wouldn’t listen to reason, he’s just as upset as you are over all of this.”

“Bullshit, so upset,” you grunted, “he so upset that he had that bitch Lorraine in his goddamn lap this afternoon, so upset he was letting her whisper in his ear, run her finger down his chest, yeah real fucking upset,” you huffed.

“Y/n please doll, please.”

“No Steven you come in here telling me he’s upset about this whole ordeal when he is the reason for it,” you yelled, “I fought long and hard for him Steve,” you choked your emotions getting the best of you as tears flooded your eyes. Steve’s face softened as he watched you break, a shaky sigh leaves his lips as he moves forward strong arms wrapping around your distressed form.

“Where did we go wrong Steve, where did I go wrong,” you questioned hands making their way around his broad back, fingers curling into his shirt, “I just wanted him back, but we were never enough, the job always came first, Lorraine always came first,”

“y/n,” Steve tries hands rubbing slow circles int your back, “Lorraine doesn’t mean anything to Bucky, it’s always been you y/n, it was always you, he just doesn’t know when to quit the job, his dad raised him in this life, set standards that he had to meet if he wanted his dads approval and you know Bucky, Bucky always wanted to make his ma and pa proud.”

You looked up at Steve, “but at what cost Steve, the cost of losing his wife and kids,” you questioned, “because not even that is slowing him down, look who's here right now, you Steve, you’re here, he couldn’t even come home and fight me on this, talk to me about it, try and fix it, he sent you,” you argued, “why are you here?”

“You might want to come sit down for this,” he murmured pulling away from you. Your brows furrowed as you watched him round the couch looking at you expectantly.

“Steve,” you murmured drawing out his name, “why do I need to sit down, just tell me what’s going on.”

Steve shook his head, “y/n I reall think you should be sitting, I don’t think you’re going to like any of what I'm about to tell you, so please,” he pleads.

You stood your ground shaking your head, heart hammering away in your chest, “Steve I will not sit, now either you tell me what’s going on or you can go and tell Bucky he needs to man up, come home and talk this out with me himself.”

Steve’s head falls, “he’s not coming home y/n,” your heart drops to your stomach, hands reaching out to grasp at the back of the couch.

“What do you mean he’s not coming home.” you questioned shakily.

Steve’s standing again, his feet rounding the couch as he reaches for you, “he’s getting his lawyer’s involved, he’s going to sign the papers,” he murmurs eyes watching your reaction. Your fingers grasp the back of the sofa cushion, digits going stark white as you take in Steve’s words. “He asked me to come pick up some of his things, and to inform you that he expects to see you and Sam in his office tomorrow afternoon to finalize all this,” Steve sighs his own lips wobbling, “Steve what is it?”

“Y/n, I don’t think you realize what this means, what it means to Bucky.”

“Steve will you please just tell me, you’re beginning to worry me, what does this mean to Bucky,”

“Y/n once this is finalized this tears everything apart,” your brows furrow, “y/n,” he sighs, “before the two of you married, went against Bucky’s father's wishes, your father and Bucky’s father had the biggest rivalry I know you remember that, y/n once the two of you separate that comes back to the table, that rivalry will return, there’s nothing keeping either of you safe.”

You shake your head, dread filling you, you remembered the rivalry there had between your men and Bucky’s, remembered how bad it could get if someone so much as crossed the wrong line. “Steve bucky wouldn’t let that happen, we were together for years,” you cried, “he knows my men, and I know his, no,” you shake your head, “he won’t, he can’t.”

“I’m sorry y/n, I really am.”

“Did he tell you this Steve, did he tell you he was going to do this,” you question exasperated.

Steve nodded his head, and you suddenly saw red, “did that bitch have anything to do with his decision,” Steve didn’t answer, “Steven Grant Rogers,” you hissed, “did that bitch” you grunted, “have anything to do with his decision?”

“y/n -”

“get. Out.”

Steve takes a step back “w-what y/n,”

“I said, get, out,” you hissed, “If James want’s his things, JAMES, can come get them himself, or you know what maybe Lorraine can come get them since he seems to listen to everything she says!”

Steve’s reaching for you, “y/n please, be reasonable.” Steve tries, and you snap.

“Reasonable, Reasonable,” you screech, “have I not done enough, given enough of my time,” you hummed angrily, “am I just going to continue to keep suffering through this pain of seeing my husband fall into the arms of another?”

“y/n-”

“No Steven everyone, everyone around me has seen him slowly slip away from me and the children, he is the only one that can’t see how blind she has made him,” you huffed, “well I say no more, if me separating from him, for my own happiness, and the children's happiness brings the rivalry back to the table then so fucking be it,” you hissed, “because I am fed up, I am tired of being second best, if he wants a battle, I'll give him a fucking war.”

“Y/n.” Steve pleads, “please don’t stoop down to his level, this isn’t who you are.”

“it’s who I was,” you murmured eyes glowering, “who I was before him, and if you’re telling me that once the divorce settles that he’s threatened to bring the rivalry back to our streets, because that’s what It was, a threat, then so be it. I’m tired of fighting Steve, I want to be fought for for once.”

Steve doesn’t hesitate to pull you into his arms a second later, lips pressing into your hair, your body shaking against his, your tears staining his shirt.

“I’m proud of you for choosing you y/n, I am so sorry that it had to be this way, and Bucky be damned, but if you ever need me, rivalry or not you know I'm there.”

“I never wanted of this Steve, you have to know that,” you cried into his chest, “but it was affecting me, affecting the kids, I’m so sorry.”

Steves pulling away from you his hands cupping your tear stained face, “I don’t want to lose my family,” you whispered more tears spilling from your eyes.

Steve gets it now, “Y/n I promise you won’t lose us, you won’t lose me, Peggy, or the kids, you won’t lose anyone, family we will always be, I promise.”

Your hugging Steve once more, hands squeezing around him, “I’ll have Peggy call you tonight,” he starts, “I'll also have Bucky come grab his own things, if he really needs them, like you said he can be a man about things and come grab them for himself, I’m sorry I didn’t do that earlier.”

“that’s alright Stevie, promise me you’ll get home safe.”

Steve squeezes you tightly, “I promise, and I'll see you tomorrow.”

You saw Steve out, waiting until the door was closed behind him before you let yourself crumbled against the door. Teary eyes looked to the sky, “please, please show me a sign that I'm doing the right thing, give me something, anything.” you prayed, head falling against the door.

“Sweetheart?”

You looked to the hallway your mother appearing a sorrowful smile on her lips as she moved to you, “your father called for me, the kids are already tucked into their bed, are you going to be okay tonight?” she questioned hand resting on your shoulder.

“it’s nothing new mom,” you sniffled, “he involved the lawyers, he’s going to sign the papers, you know what this means mom.”

Your mother squeezed your shoulder, “I know baby, but this changes nothing, if he brings the rivalry, I know you’ll give it right back, y/n If you need me and your father for whatever reason you know we are just a call away, don’t hesitate baby, your father may be retired but he’ll come out of It just as quick for his girl.”

You gave your mom a teary smile, “I know ma, but I'll make pa proud.”

Your mother patted your cheek, “I know you will baby, I have no doubt you will, now I'm going to go, and you need to get your rest, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow.”

Your mom gave you one last hug before she was leaving you for the night. Locking and shutting off lights for the night, you took quiet, slow, steps to your children's shared room. The room was drowned in a warm glow from the night light, two sets of eyes staring back at you.

“momma okay?” your daughter questioned in a whisper, and you offered her a warm smile, as you pushed your way into the room “mommy’s fine baby, I promise, but you two need to get to bed,” you teased playfully bopping her nose with your finger. A sweet giggle peeled from her lips as you leaned down to press a kiss to her head, “sleep princess Winnie, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow my sweet girl.”

Your daughter giggled quietly, snuggling further into her bed as you moved over to your son, awaiting arms waiting to pull you down. Wet lips pressed to your cheeks, a warbled “I love you mommy,” pressed into your skin.

You smiled down at your son, “I love you too baby, now get some rest prince James, you just like princess Winnie have a long day ahead of you as well.”

He gave you a toothy grin before turning on his side to face his sister. Final goodnights were shared before you were shutting the door behind you softly, making you way to your bedroom. You stood in the threshold of your shared room with Bucky, eyes falling to the bed where many moments between the two of you had been shared, the first tear slipped from your eyes before a second trailed shortly after a sniffle following as you walked further into the room.

Pulling your phone from your slacks you pulled up Sam’s contact shaky fingers pressing at the keyboard as you compiled a message.

**He got his lawyers involved, we are to meet him tomorrow afternoon.**

**_Shit, you okay?_ **

**Nothing time won’t heal Sammy.**

**_You need your best friend or your lawyer right now?_ **

**Best friend...**

Your phone lit up in your hand a second later, Sam’s contact flashing across the screen, you sucked in a shaky breath as you hit the green call button, his name leaving your lips in a choked sob. Sam had listened to your choked cries, his heart constricting in his throat, there was even a point where he was ready to put a stop to all of this.

“Y/n, I promise I will do whatever I need to to make this goes as smoothly as possible for you and the kids, it’s going to be okay he reassured.”

“Sammy you don’t understand,” you cried, “he told Steve that if this went through the rivarly comes back, Sammy that means the turf wars come back.”

You heard Sam suck in a breath, “no, y/n no, Buck would never let that happen, he wouldn’t.”

“With the way Lorraine has him wrapped around her finger anything is possible.”

Sam sighed, “I don’t want you thinking about that tell its leaving Bucky’s mouth, right now I need you to get some rest and I promise to personally meet you at Barne’s office.”

Sam and you bid one another a goodnight before you were ending the call. You couldn’t bring yourself to undress much less slip under the covers that reminded you of the nights you had shared with him. All of this around you was just too much, this home reminded you of all that you were about to lose. That night you fell asleep with tears in your eyes.

It was twelve on the dot when you met Sam outside of Bucky’s office, “you alright,” he questioned you outside of the office doors.

“I’m not sure Sam, I feel like I'm about to throw up.”

Sam sighed, “I promise that’s normal, and hey if at any point you need to stop this you just say the word and its done.”

You offered sam a smile before you composed yourself sucking in a deep breath, “alright Sammy let’s do this.”

“I want her out of here,” you seethed, “right hand or not I want her out!”

“You get to have him in here, she can be here as well,” Bucky fought back.

You were seeing red, had been seeing red the second you had stepped into his meeting room to find her perched in a seat next to Bucky a smug smile on her face as she watched you through her lashes. It had started out fine, you were discussing terms as far as your children went, who would keep what, basically what the settlement of the divorce agreement was. It wasn’t until she started inputting her thoughts that you had thrown all rational thought out the window.

“He’s my lawyer Bucky, he has to be here, she’s your right hand who’s trying to input her thoughts to your visitation with your children, and also inputting her two cents into who should keep the house!”

“she’s not going anywhere,” he argued.

“unbelievable, unbelievable,” you screeched, “next thing you're going to tell me is that the rivalry is back on the table.”

Lorraine smirked from next to him, “what you nasty bitch, what has you so smug,” you hissed.

Her face fell and Bucky was growling at you, “fuck right off James,” you growled back eyes glaring, “well come on whore, speak up,” you grunted eyes flitting to hers.

Lorraine looked away, “what a fucking shame, have no idea why James to the likes of you.”

“Y/N ENOUGH!”

Sam pushed off his chair standing, “you do not talk to her like that,” he grunted, “you will not speak to her like that, y/n has been nothing but a goddamn saint to you when you didn’t deserve it, she has been loyal, compassionate, and truthful to you, even while watching you slip away from her, I will not let you talk to her like that, she doesn’t deserve to be treated like such, you will respect her Barnes, she is still your wife!”

“Is she,” Bucky hissed, “is she because right now it seems she’s not, look at what we’re doing, what she’s having me do.”

“and whose fault is that James,” you spoke up voice wavering, “look at what you’re doing now, you didn’t listen to me when I asked for you to have Lorraine leave the room, you asked me to stop when I so much as spoke in a certain way of her, yke in a certain way of her, it's like your married to her James, married to her and the fucking life.”

You didn’t need this, it was obvious fighting with someone who couldn’t see your worth was pointless. You know what, I don’t want anything from you James, all eyes snapped to you, “Y/n,” Sam murmured.

“I don’t want a single thing from him Sam, he can have it all, the house, the cars, all I want is my kids, I'll find a way to make sure they have what they need.”

“those are my children too,” Bucky spoke up a strain in his voice, your eyes moved over to him, before they were moving back over to Sam. “Visitation doesn’t matter to me he can have the children when and if he finds the time for them.”

“y/n are you absolutely sure,” Sam questioned passing the documents over to you, “I'm sure Sam,” you murmured grabbing the pen to glide over your signature.

You passed the papers over to Sam who passed them over to Bucky’s lawyers. They laid it out for him, and your eyes met his, “sign the papers James, I'm done here.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched at your words, eyes rimmed red, but no tears fell, “I hope you know y/n that once those papers are signed the rivalry is back on the table.” Lorraine sneered finally finding her words.

You chuckled pushing the chair back as you stood, you leaned down to whisper into Sam’s ears before straightening back up.

“So I've been told,” you murmured, your leaning on the table then getting in her space, another chuckle falling from your lips when she cowers back into Bucky’s side for a lot of bark she sure had not bite, “and I hope you understand that I will do whatever it takes to keep my streets, my men, and my family safe, even if that means putting a bullet hole between those pretty little eyes of yours.”

“Bucky wouldn’t allow it,” she trembled.

“well Bucky,” you hissed, “promises a lot of things, I wouldn’t hold him to it though, especially if you don’t want to be disappointed.”

“you're asking for a battle y/n.”

“am I Lorraine,” you questioned, “because it seems the only one’s asking for a battle are the two of you, and if you want a battle, I'll bring the fucking war.”

“what about losing your family y/n, was what all you told Steve last night just a lie,” Bucky questioned.

Your eyes met his as you leaned back standing straighter than when you came in, of course Steve would inform Bucky of what had transpired last night between the two of you, “last night I was afraid James, I was afraid of losing you, of losing the family we built, but it seems you’ve been lost for years now, and I see that, I knew that, and while I know this will hurt to do, I know that I deserve true happiness, that our children deserve to see both of us happy, even if that’s not with one another, the children will always love you James, and there’s a part of me that will always love you too, but as scared as I am, I know I am also very tired, tired of fighting, tired of crying, tired of trying to find happiness in a place where there is none, so I'm sorry, but I am done, and if me trying to find my happiness brings back that rivalry between our groups so be it, you know very well how hard I go for my own, and I know you know very well, that I will fight to protect what's mine.”

Your eyes leave his as they float around the room, “gentleman.” you nod your turning on your heels, making your way out of the office, and down the hall. It’s when you're out of the building that your breath in a breath of fresh air, a lone tear sliding down your cheek along with a spark of new found hope sprouting in your chest.


	3. New Beginnings

You’ve barely made it up the steps of your parents home before your being rushed at by Winnie and James, squeals of delight peeling from their lips as they reach for whatever part of you they can grab. Your down to your knees in seconds, your arms wrapping around both of your children, your eyes meet your mothers and you know something isn’t right from the solemn look on her face.

“Your father needs to meet with you sweetheart, told me to let you know to meet him in his office as soon as you arrived, there’s things the two of you need to go over, it’s urgent.” You give her a nod of your head, squeezing your children once, twice, before your pulling away to look into their faces your breath catching in your throat, they look so much like him.

_You did the right thing, you did the right thing._

But how would you tell them, how would you tell them you and daddy weren’t together anymore, that he for sure wouldn’t be home now, would they hate you, be upset with you, would they understand?

You put on a brave face, pulled the brightest smile you could muster for your children and asked, “you two wanna go play on the swings with grandma while I go talk to grandpa?”

Cheers of delight met your ears as they jumped in place at your question, “can we go get icekeem after?”

You looked from Winnie to your mother brow raised before returning to your daughters questioning look, “of course but it’s grandmas treat since she doesn’t know how to say no to her babies,” you teased as you stood, your children darting past you to race to the swings. Your mother stood from the porch swing her hands grabbing yours, “you’ll tell me all about it over ice cream?”

“Of course, ma,” she squeezed your hands, “go to your pa, he seemed rather distressed, after the phone call he received.”

You pulled a tight-lipped smile before you were squeezing past your mother into the house, it was a quick turn to the left and you were met with your father's French doors. Your knuckle met the doors three times before you heard your fathers voice beckoning you in. You pushed the door open to find your father leaning against his desk, he shared no words, just opened his arms, you were across the room in seconds, body falling into his, your arms wrapped securely around him.

His lips pressed to your hair lingering, “your mother has been keeping me updated, I'm so sorry you’re going through this, add to all the work you’ve been doing for me on the side.”

“it’s my job dad,” you sniffled choking back the tears, “it doesn’t matter what I'm going through, I have to keep our streets clean, I have to make sure my men are safe, I have to make sure everything Is as it should be.”

Your father sighed as he pulled away to look at you, “y/n, your feelings and what you're going through matter, you are going through so much, you don’t need to go at this alone, I can assign you a right-hand.”

“no dad, I don’t need a right-hand, I don’t need anyone putting their two cents into my work, into my life into-”

“y/n,” your father cuts you off, “what Lorraine does for Bucky is above what a right hand is intended, even I know that, I've seen it, I'm surprised your husband hadn’t, but then again look at who his father was, James was following exactly how he had seen his father work.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“take a seat sweetheart, there’s a couple of things we need to talk about.” You pulled away from your father taking the seat next to him, he turned to you, “you remember the first night you told me about your feeling for James?”

You chuckled softly, “how could I forget pa, you were mad at me for a week, I'm sure it would have been longer had you not been on your deathbed.”

_“Absolutely not, no,” your father roared, hands slamming his hand down onto the dinner table, jarring your plates. “I will not allow you to see that no good man ever again, and don’t you try and fight me on this y/n!”_

_Your fork clanked against your discarded plate, “and why not dad, I like him, I'm falling for him dad, you can’t just tell me how to live my life, you can’t tell me who I can and can't love!”_

_“I can and I will,” your father growled shrugging off your mothers arm, “I know the type of man James will become especially if he’s anything like his father, I'm saving you a world of hurt y/n, I'm protecting you and your future!”_

_You stood from the table, “that should be mine to make father, all of this should be a decision for me to make,” you argued._

_Your father stood as well, chair scraping against the wooden floor before crashing to the ground, “you stand down y/n, right now your blinded by love, what you think is love, but I'm telling you, if he doesn’t hurt you now, he’s going to hurt you years down the line.”_

_“so then it happens,” you yelled, “so I get hurt, but I'll get back up, im a y/l/n you raised me to be strong always.”_

_Your father shook his head, eyes glaring, “you think I'll just let this happen, let you just be with him, I won’t, and neither will his father, so whatever it is between you and James, it ends now.”_

_“but father -”_

_“Enough,” he hissed, “go to your room.”_

“should have listened to you,” you murmured wiping under your eyes, “you were right, it would cause me a world of pain.”

Your fathers hand pats your knee, “sweetheart, while I may have been right I wish I wasn’t, I honestly thought I had been wrong, would be wrong, the two of you had been made for one another, me and your mother could see that, and that’s why I gave you away to him, but then his father assigned him his first right hand before he passed, and when I saw who it had been given too I just knew.”

“You knew what though,” you questioned.

Your father sighed, “George was known, for always having a female right hand, not that it’s wrong too you all are much more knowledgeable and level headed than us men, you are a perfect example of it sweetheart, hell even his wife Winnie had been a right hand at one point, but George didn’t have a right hand for that, he had a right hand to keep him warm, to keep him company, a pretty dame to hang off his shoulder while he made big deals left and right within our field.”

Your lips part, shock settling in you at the news, “When Winnie had threatened to divorce George,” your father continued, “and take the children away over his many infidelities with his right hands, he couldn’t stand the thought of losing his children, of losing the son meant to take over his position when the time came, so for a while until Bucky became of age there were no right hands.”

“but George and Winnie were separated when Bucky and I started seeing one another in private, his ma and Becca were the first two I met.”

“While George may not have had right hands at his side any longer, didn’t mean he didn’t have someone warming his bed.”

Your heart fell at his words, “is this supposed to make me feel better, because its just making me feel worse.”

Your father let out a breath of air, a curse falling from his lips, “you know your father isn’t the best with words, but I guess what I was trying to get out, is that George assigned Lorraine to Bucky because he wanted Bucky to follow him down to the T, he wanted bucky to have the right hand to go too if he ever needed someone.”

You scoffed in disgust, “Did George tell these women what they were hired for, or did he just tell them what was expected of them.”

“He told them what was expected of them,” your lips part, “w-what?”

Your father sighed, “When Bucky’s father gathered us all together and announced who Bucky’s right hand would be, that same evening Winnie had approached me and told me to take caution, when I asked her why, she told me that Lorraine could be bad news, that while George may seem like a changed man that if he had the intentions of the man he was in his younger years that the reason Lorraine had been hand selected was to be a bed warmer if needed, a dame to hang off his shoulders, a pretty little thing to sit by his side while he made all these big shots.”

“dad you don’t think.”

“No sweetheart,” your father shook his head, “I don’t think Bucky could actually cheat on you by bedding another woman, but I do believe he would allow himself the attention that she was asked to give him, I mean he lives at that office y/n, the life Bucky was expected to live, it gets lonely regardless of the wife and kids he had waiting for him at home.”

“I-I can’t believe it, why didn’t you tell me anything sooner dad, why didn’t Winnie approach me that night?”

Your father sighed rubbing at his chin, “we didn’t think anything would come of it sweetheart, we all saw the love James had for you, we thought he would be better than George, that he would always put you and the kids above anyone else, seeing how he was doting over you I asked her not too because I knew what you would do the second she or I told you, and while our rivalry may have been put to rest I couldn’t risk it going to all hell, and you were pregnant with Winnie I couldn’t add that stress.”

A shaky sigh left your lips, “you should have said something the minute I came to you and mom of my concern, look at where I am now dad, I filed for divorce, a divorce that just went through, and now I have to find a way to tell the kids.”

“I know sweetheart and there are not enough apologies me and Winnie could give you to make this better, but we have bigger problems now and I’m worried James isn’t thinking straight, and I know Lorraine is to blame, we all know she is.”

“So I heard what’s going on,” you questioned, “mom said you seemed distressed after receiving a phone call.”

Your father nodded, “I’m assuming it had to have been after Bucky signed the papers, but I received a call from his office, from Lorraine to be exact,” you bit back a remark at her name, “she said the contract George had signed was off the table and all the heads had to get together this week to discuss new terms she also mentioned that between the house names, rivalry was likely back on the table and to watch and keep our men in line.”

“Unbelievable she has some fucking nerve,” you growled, “I know none of this is easy sweetheart,” your father added, “and like I said you're going through a lot already, if you need me to come in when the heads meet this week you know I will.”

You shook your head, “it’s fine dad, no need to come out of retirement for me.”

Your father smiled taking your hand in his, “but you know I would do it in a heartbeat for you, hell if you asked me to come out of retirement so I could knock some sense into James you know I would baby.”

You laughed softly, “I know you would dad, but this is my fight to fight, and if Lorraine thinks she's won she has another thing coming, so does Bucky though he already knows how hard I go for my own.”

“We all do baby, we all do,” your father murmured patting your hand.

“Is there anything else dad, the kids have grandma buying them ice cream and I think it would be a nice treat for all of us.”

Your father laughs a deep infectious laugh, “your mother, I swear they just need to give her a look and she putty in their hand. There was actually one more thing sweetheart, as you know the heads are due to meet this week and the heads will need to be introduced to Ben’s nephew Peter Parker his next of kin.”

You raised a brow ‘uncle Ben’ is retiring” you questioned, your father nodded, “and we were both wondering if you’d take him with you, get him accustomed to the other heads and their right hands, I know some can be trouble, and the boy is young, I don’t want anyone causing him any fear or to make a threat.”

You stood to your feet, “ if anyone if going to be making a threat, rest assured that It will be coming out of me.”

Your dad smirked, taking your offered hand, “there’s my girl, now come on, let’s go get some ice-cream, you think your ma would let me get a triple scoop,” he questioned.

Soft laughter bubble from your lips, “as long as your sharing!”

It had been a week after signing the divorce papers, and while there was still things in the air for you, such as a new place to call home for you and your children, and visitation days you still needed to go over with Bucky they would have to wait till after the meeting of the heads. You were currently sat outside of Bucky’s office, the same office you had been at just a week ago. You were waiting for Peter to arrive; your father having informed you that uncle Ben would be dropping him off so that you could escort him, afraid the others might frighten the teen. While the heads were sweethearts deep down when It came to new blood they could be rather vicious, all needing to mark their territory amongst any new member.

There was a soft rap at your window, a nervous teen stood there, a meek smile and a shaky wave offered to you. Oh man they were going to eat him alive.

“you must be Peter Parker, Uncle Ben’s next of kin,” you greeted as you got off your car. You laughed at Peter’s stuttering complexion, his eyes wide as he looked you up and down.

“never seen a woman of power before Parker?” you questioned.

His eyes shot to yours, “n-n-no, Uncle Ben never really let me meet anyone,” and rightfully so, you thought.

“well that changes today, stay with me and I promise this meeting will go smoothly, you let me do the talking, you just sit there and use your best poker face.”

“poker face m’am?”

You grinned, “your poker face is going to be the only thing keeping them from hounding on you,” his face paled, and a smirk pulled at your lips, “come on now parker, we have a meeting to attend.”

Parker was stark quiet as the two of you entered the office, his legs wobbling after you, you turned to him once you had reached the meeting room, “remember peter poker face,” he swallowed, “you ready?”

He nodded, sucking in a breath when you pushed open the door various eyes meeting yours, “about time you showed up,” you rolled your eyes, of course she would be the first to say something. You ushered peter in, leading him over to two chairs at the middle of the table, “Barnes can you please control your lap dog, I don’t want her yapping about throughout the meeting.” you spoke up.

Loud laughter filled the room, your eyes met Thor’s, “Peter, this is Thor and his right-hand Loki,” Peter turned to the direction you were gesturing to, “this is Stark and his right-hand Rhodes,

“Pleasure to meet you kid,” Stark replied.

“and lastly this is James, and his bitch Lorraine.”

More laughter fell from Thor’s mouth his hands slapping together, “lady y/n you are rather vicious this morning, did you not get woken up the way a woman of your beauty should have” he goaded.

“I woke up just fine Odison, thank you for asking, now can we please move on to the matter at hand, I have some far more important things I need to be doing, than wasting my time here.”

“Well if you have far more important things to be tending to why show up,” Stark questions, “I’m sure we could have reconciled some of the matters for you.”

You turned to meet his eyes, “see I would have, but my father received a phone call from Lorraine shortly after Bucky signed our divorce papers telling him the heads would be meeting, and that’s not the only thing, she had informed my father that the contract George drew up for our houses was off the table, and I'm sure you all know what that means.”

“You and Barnes our divorced?” Rhodes questions.

You stifled an eye roll, “not the point Rhodes, but if you must know yes, we are, which is why we are all here, it seems there is some things that we all need to be going over such as how I should be watching and keeping my men in line isn’t that right Lorraine.” you questioned looking over at her wide-eyed form.

Your eyes slot over to Bucky, though his eyes are down cast, jaw clenched, fingers twitching in anger, “you alright there Barnes?” Stark questioned noticing Bucky’s demeanor.

His eyes are meeting yours, before his head is snapping to Lorraine, “did you really call her father and tell her the contract my father drew up was off the table,” he questioned lowly, Lorraine's lips part, her words coming out shakily, “I-I-i”

“did you really tell y/n’s father to make sure to watch and keep her men In line,” her mouth falls shut and she shrinks back into her seat. “Answer me Lorraine,” he growls, she nodded her head slowly. Bucky’s hand slams down onto the table jarring all of you, “and what makes you think you have the jurisdiction to do something like that, did I personally ask you to put that plan into action,” he hissed.

Lorraine shook her head, lip wobbling in fear as she spoke, “n-no, but I thought”

“You thought what Lorraine, what did you think, because to me it seems you weren’t thinking.”

“Your father -”

My father,” he grunted, “is no longer here, he doesn’t make the rules, I do, and from the beginning you’ve known, that unless something is coming from my mouth then we take action, but never once, once did I tell you that my father's contract written for y/n’s and I's family was off the table and never once would I say to make her keep an eye on and watch her men, we may be separated but my family is still hers and vice versa.”

“b-but you said the rivalry would be back on the table,”

“that doesn’t mean you make a threat like that,” he hisses, her eyes widen, “a threat, but I didn’t”

“oh but you did,” you speak up cutting her off and her eyes are meet yours, “when you tell me or in this case my father that for us to watch and keep our men in line, you could be insinuating many things and then to go even further and say that rivalry is likely back on the table, your basically stating it is,”

Lorraine's eyes dart around the room, all eyes on her “it was a rather foolish thing for you to threaten Lady Y/n like that, as a right hand you should know your place, and if you don’t know your place it should be taught,” Thor speaks up voice low and menacing, “if you’d like my brother here can show you where your place is.”

Loki brings out a blade swirling it in his fingers as he looks Lorraine over, “it would be my pleasure to show you how a right hand should behave,” he murmurs eyes flashing dark.

You raise a hand, “that won’t be necessary gentleman, the girl isn’t worth the time, now if it’s not too much trouble I would really like to get this meeting going, I do have two children who are waiting for me, and a house I need to be packing.”

“Of course,” Tony speaks up, “shall we get started Barnes?”

Bucky nods his head as he slides over away from Lorraine, “of course, just one thing,” he’s turning his eyes to Lorraine, “I need you out.”

Her eyes widen, “but I'm your right hand I need to be here,” she argues, and Bucky sighs loud and low, “ and you should have thought about that before you threatened my ex-wife, as for you being right hand that’s a matter that will be discussed between you and I later, for now I need you out, and I need you to send Steve in.”

It’s an hour later and newer terms have been laid out and discussed, talks of the contract George had written for yours and the Barnes family had been brought up and it was decided that a new one would need to be written when you and Bucky had a chance to sit down and discuss further.

“Parker welcome to the streets,” Stark spoke up as the meeting was concluded, “if you or your men ever come across any trouble don’t hesitate to bring it to the table or you can ask y/n she’s closest to your parts,” he looks over at you brow raised, “or was,” he questions.

“That’s why I was hoping this meeting wouldn’t run long,” you replied pushing to your feet, “I’m still in the process of figuring out our living arrangement, Sam was supposed to show me some homes in the area so I wouldn’t have to relocate closer to any of you but I guess we’ll see.” you sighed.

“Y/n,” Thor speaks up, “if Loki and I can be of any help should you need it please don’t hesitate to reach out.”

You offered him a smile, “thank you I'll keep that in mind, now gentleman if you don’t mind I must be getting parker back to his home, so that I can go pack, it was a pleasure meeting with you all.”

You turn your head to Bucky, “James, I hope to hear from you soon to discuss your fathers' contract.”

With one last goodbye to the room you and Peter are exiting the office.

“Sweetheart, would you prefer the children's clothes placed in bags or would you like us to put them in a box.” Your mother called out.

You poked your head out of the closet, “In a bag ma, that way it won’t wrinkle too much!”

You went back to pulling clothes from your closet, placing it in a box by your feet, you were reaching for the last of it when your fingers still on the hangers, your children's tiny voices ringing through the home.

“daddy!”

Your heart skipped a beat, he shouldn’t be home yet, you looked down at the watch on your wrist, no he definitely shouldn’t be home.

Just then your son is running into the room calling out for you, the brightest smile on his face, “mommy, mommy, look who’s here!” you shut your eyes, sucking in a shaky breath before your moving toward the door, your eyes meeting Bucky’s as Winnie drags him in, your mother watching you with wide eyes from the hallway.

“Daddy’s here mommy!”

You force a smile onto your face, “I can see that baby.”

“Winnie, James, why don’t you come help grandma finish packing up your room so mommy and daddy can have a talk.” your children pout looking to their father.

You watch Bucky lean down to their level hands falling to their shoulder, “go on and help grandma, and once you're done I've got a surprise for you two and mom.”

Your children squeal in delight, before there darting past him to where your mother waits, “y/n if you need anything you just call for me and your dad.” your mother calls out.

You nod your head before your looking at Bucky, his eyes already on yours, “you know surprises won’t fix anything right?

He laughs softly as he walks towards your once shared bed, “I know, and I’m not expecting to fix anything, I'm not even sure I would know how to fix this mess I've gotten us into.”

“us or yourself,” you questioned.

He sighed closing his eyes, “I don’t want to fight y/n.”

“You’ve never wanted to fight with me, for me, so that’s no surprise James,” you taunted, “say how did you even get past dad, I'm sure he wouldn’t be too happy seeing your face after the little stunt Lorraine pulled.”

“He wasn’t happy by any means to see me, but I apologized and told him the truth, I told him there was no bad blood and there never would be, regardless of whether you and I were together or separated.”

“well look at you making things right,” you replied, “better late than never I suppose.”

A heavy breath of air leaves Bucky’s lips as he pushes to his feet to look at you, “Y/n please stop this, this isn’t you, you're not like this sweetheart.”

“And how would you know,” you argued, “how would you know who I am, if we barely saw one another James, I feel like I haven’t known you for the past year because I barely saw you, you were barely home, always locked away in your office doing god knows what, and the times I did see you we spent it arguing, with you making an empty promise to whisk me and the children away.”

“and I was going to take you away, take you far away from all of this, you and the kids,” he argued, “i just needed time doll, that’s all I needed was time, but you served me papers instead, papers I watched you sign and serve me!”

“and who’s fault is that James,” you growled, “I wouldn’t of had to sign a damn thing if it hadn’t been for you, if you had just listened to me, listened to my concerns about Lorraine, you say you needed time, well I needed it too,” you cried, “you think I wanted to serve you those papers, you think I wanted to be doing this right now, to be packing up the home that we built together?”

“then why are you y/n, why are we doing any of this, why can’t you let me fix this!”

“because you won’t ever fix it, you’ll just tell me that you need more time, and promise me some made up time frame only for that time frame to pass and me argue with you till I'm red in the face, and another made up time frame is brought up to keep me holding on.”

“what can I do, what can I do to fix this, to make this remotely right.”

You shook your head, “I don’t know, I wish I had the answer for you James, I really do, but I just don’t know what you could possibly do to make this right, you hurt me, you hurt me so many times that you took Lorraine's side, and then to have her always on you, always hovering, always the pretty little dame hanging off of you, how do you come back from that.”

“y/n nothing ever happened between me and Lorraine, you know I would never, and I mean never touch another women that wasn’t you, you know that sweetheart.”

“do I,” you questioned, voice strained, “because if I'm being honest, I can’t remember the last time that I felt your touch, I can’t remember the last time I felt you in this past year, how do I know she wasn’t the one in your arms the nights you weren't home with me, how do I know Bucky?”

“I know I've asked a lot of things from you y/n, but im asking you now to believe I would never hurt you like that, I made you a promise on our wedding day.”

“some promise,” you cried, tears finally breaking through, “look at where that promise has left us, Bucky, we’re divorced, I'm literally packing me and the kids up to move to my parents while I find a place for us, and all because of that goddamn bitch Lorraine, all because you don’t know how to quit, how to stop living up to your father standards!”

A choked sob is falling from your lips, and Bucky doesn’t hesitate to move towards you his hands wrapping around your distraught form, and the feel of being this close to him has you breaking more.

He lets your tears soak his shirt, his hands pulling you in as tight as he can get you, “I know there is nothing I can possibly say or do to fix something that has already been said and done, but I promise I'll do better by you and the kids, I know I've lost you, but I'm going to find my way back to you.”


	4. Letting Go

Three soft raps pulled you from the files in your hand, you glanced up, “Good morning y/n, the meeting with Barnes is in an hour, would you like me to notify your parents?”

You shook your head a warm smile pulling at your lips, “no that’s fine Cain my parents know to meet us at his office, could you call Sam Wilson though, tell him he’ll be needed and if he can squeeze in an hour of his time for me.”

Cain flashed you his pearly whites, “of course y/n, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Just be ready to leave in an hour, I’d like to get this over as quickly and painlessly as possible.”

Cain nodded, “are you ready to have James and Winnie back?”

A smile pulled at your lips, “more than you know, as much as I have enjoyed Bucky taking them this past month and having him talk to them about the changes that are going to be happening while I got things together for them, it’s been lonely, this house wasn’t meant for one person, it was meant for a family.”

Cain notices the sadness in your eyes, “you know,” he starts, “it was a very kind thing for James to give you the keys to this house, I’m sure he saved you a lot more trouble.”

You scoffed under your breath, “some trouble he saved, this house should have been ours, James and Winnie should be here,” you let out a shaky sigh, “he should have been here.”

Cain gives you a saddened smile, not wanting to over step, “I’ll go give Wilson a call, and bring the car around for you.”

Your putting on your best smile, watching as your newest right hand makes his way out, you looked around the spacious office, it was much too big for a person alone. The entire house was just much too big. You remember the night Bucky had handed you the keys it had been that same night after the head meeting, your heart breaking in your chest more than ever at his explanation of why he was handing you the key, but it had been quickly replaced by an anger so bright it blinded you. You vividly remember screaming till you were red in the face; till the anger that had burned so bright had depleted to that of only sadness.

_“y/n, dove please stop crying,” Bucky pleaded hands reaching out for you, but you swatted them away._

_“Look at where we are Bucky, look at what has happened to us,” you grunted out through your choked tears._

_“I gave you what you wanted y/n,” he argued, “you served me those papers, YOU signed them, didn’t even give me a ch-”_

_“Bullshit,” you screeched, “don’t say I didn’t give you a chance because I gave you plenty!”_

_“I thought this was what you wanted!”_

_“you think this is what I wanted, you think I wanted this,” Bucky’s staring at you eyes hard, “I didn’t want any of this, what I wanted was to once come before the job, I wanted to know I was listened too, that I mattered, that the kids mattered, I wanted to be fought for I wanted you to fight for me Bucky, I just wanted the man I loved to fight for me, the way I would fight for him,” you whimpered choking back the sob that wanted to tear through you._

_Bucky’s eyes softened, face falling, “Dove you know what comes with this job, you know -”_

_“I know what the job entitles Bucky stop using that shit to justify this, you’re not the only one that took their dad’s spot, I did too,” you argued, “but the thing is you never know when to stop, you never know when to stop till it’s too late, you’ve always tried to make your father proud, always working the long hours, agreeing to absurd things, taking on a female right-hand because he told you too, Steve could have been your right-hand lord knows that man deserves it, much more than that damn whore.”_

_“is that what this is all about, are we still going back to Lorraine?!”_

_“she was the biggest problem off all,” you hissed, “always giving you new jobs, always pulling your attention, always hanging off your damn arm, just like your father wanted!”_

_Bucky’s brows furrowed, “like my father wanted, what are you talking about?”_

_“Did you ever notice that your father only had women for right-hands,” Bucky nodded, “there was a reason for that Bucky, he didn’t have them because they were smarter, because they were knowledgeable about the life, he had them there as bed warmers, as pretty little things to sit next to him at meetings, pretty little dames to hang off his shoulder, your mother threatened to leave, but your dad didn’t stop, sure he made you his right-hand after your ma said she would pack up and take the two of you, but your father wouldn’t hear of it, he wouldn’t have his son be taken away, so he assigned you as his right hand, but the pretty little dames still warmed his bed.”_

_Bucky has an unreadable face, hands clenched at his side, “w-who told you that,”_

_“it should have been your mother,” your replied, “but my father was the one to tell me,” Bucky’s eyes met yours, “Your mother was going to tell me the night that your father appointed Lorraine to you, she was going to tell me to keep a watchful eye on Lorraine because the only reason your father appointed her was to be just that a bed warmer.”_

_Bucky’s lips parted, a shaky breath leaving his lips, “y/n, dove, I would never, I may have been working the hours my father worked, but I would never, never touch another woman that wasn’t you, I loved you,” he argued, “goddamnit I still love you, I would never hurt you or the kids like that, I would,” his form falls, “I-I would never do that to you sweetheart, I need you to believe that, you think I would be building us this house if I were involved with Lorraine?!”_

_Your lip wobbled with the threat of oncoming tears, “I don’t know what to believe Buck, there was so many nights you weren’t there,” you cried, “and then that fucking bitch was in your fucking lap the day I served you what the hell was that about Buck, I didn’t exactly see you shoving her off till I found you two like that, how do you expect me to believe you’ve been faithful when you wouldn’t listen to how I felt about her, to hear why your father hired her, how do I know the nights you weren’t home with me that she wasn’t with you!”_

_He’s surging forward then desperately reaching for you, but you’re smacking him away, grunts fall from his lips as he gets his hands on your face despite the fists you’re driving into his chest, “I would never do that to you y/n,” he grunts, “baby I fought my dad to be with you, I fell to my knees for your hand in marriage, you really think I would throw away years of my marriage for another woman.”_

_“I don’t know Buck,” you cried, “I don’t know what to believe, I don’t know what to think I-”_

_“then listen to me dove, listen to what I am telling you, I need you to believe I would never hurt you like that; I would never betray you in such a way.” he urged._

_“you want me to listen to you the way you listened to me?” you questioned quietly, hands stilling against his chest._

That night had ended with you both in tears on the floor of what should have been your new home, but now it solely belonged to you and the children a promised ‘new start’. Bucky had only requested that you allow him to have the kids during the time that you get acquainted. That had been a month ago, and James and Winnie would finally be coming back home, after your meeting with Bucky to draw up a new contract. You weren’t looking forward to seeing him again, to seeing Lorraine there that damned smirk on her face knowing she had pushed you to this. Your looking down at the file from earlier, jaw clenching, you were sure this would wipe that damned smirk off her face.

“y/n,” your eyes glance up, “the car is ready.”

You arrive to Bucky’s office to see your parents outside, James and Winnie in their embrace, eyes widening when they see your car pull up. Laughter spills from your lips as your children rush you, tiny hands clinging to you as you try and grab a tight hold of them. Rushed whispers are being shared into your ear with the occasional tiny lip pressing roughly into your cheek.

“mommy who the man,” you glance to where Winnie is pointing to Cain, “he works for mommy baby, he’s like Lorraine” She leans into your ear, cupping her hand there, eyes trained on Cain with a squint as she whispers, “I no like him, he not daddy.”

Your squeezing her side, lips pressing to her hair, “your right baby, he’s not daddy.”

Your mother is pulling Winnie and James to the side as you stand, looking to your father, “ready sweetheart?” You suck in a breath, “as ready as I will be,” a hand falls to your back, you look over your shoulder Cain offering you a smile, “shall we.”

Bucky is pissed, well no that would be an understatement, he’s seething, “who’s this?”

“This is Cain,” you answer, “my right hand,” his jaw clenches hands turning to fist from where they were perched on the desk.

You see Winnie lay a hand on her sons shoulder, “it’s a pleasure to meet you Cain,” she speaks up, how long have you been working with the y/l/n’s?”

“I’ve been with them for about five years mam, but I mainly watched the docks and our inventory, I was barely asked to step up 3 weeks ago.”

“What exactly do you do for y/n?” Steve speaks up from next to Winnie, and your brows furrow why is he here?

Cain chuckles lightly having picked up on the tension, “well as her assigned right-hand she has asked me to remain on the docks seeing as some of our cargo has begun to go missing, I only come off the docks if she needs me for a meeting much like today, I can assure you it’s strictly professional.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches, and you see Steve go to ask another question but your cutting him off, “can we stop hounding Cain and get to the real reason we’re here, I don’t recall asking Lorraine any of these questions when she was assigned as your right James.”

“That’s because we were married y/n,” he grunts, “you were there when she got assigned.”

Your eyes narrow, “and what difference does that make, I still didn’t ask her such personal questions like you are to Cain.”

Your rubbing your temples with your index and thumb, “look I didn’t come to have my right hand interrogated, can we please just move this along James, where’s Lorraine.”

Bucky didn’t answer you as Steve slid down the contract, “as you all know the contract my father drew up needs to be re-written as per our divorce”

“ugh son,” your father cuts in, “excuse me for interrupting but shouldn’t your right hand be here, from what I recall they need to be present for these, unless that’s something that you plan on changing?”

Bucky smiles at your father, “my right hand is here,” he directs a hand at Steve.

Your raising a brow, lips parting in surprise, your father lets out a rather loud noise of excitement, “Congratulations son there is no one more deserving than you, you’re going to be a great right hand” your father exclaims.

“should have been him from the beginning,” Winnifred adds, “but George always had to have things go his way.”

“Well like dad said, there is no one more deserving, congrats Steve.” you smile, and you want to reach over and squeeze his hand but after the divorce finalized you weren’t sure where you stood with anyone.

“what happened to Lorraine though, when was she released?” you questioned eyes flitting over to Bucky.

“She was released the same day, I was informed that she had threatened my family, whatever words she had spoken to your father were not words from me, would never be words from me” his fingers drum against the table, a nervous tick of his, “she has honestly caused me more trouble than I care to have and because of her I have lost the things that have mattered the most.”

You bite back the remark that boils to spill out, “anyway in regards to the contract my father drew up, I don’t want there to be a contract of any sort.”

You raise a brow waiting for him to continue, “whatever my father drew up is off the table, you all are family, whether y/n and I are divorced and separated that doesn’t change anything for me, my streets, my men, my inventory, my money, is yours, if you need anything from me I am a call away.” He sighs, “the man my father was is not the man I want to be, I may have strayed down his path, but I don’t want to make the mistakes he has, though I fear I already have, the feud he himself made up between our families no longer exists, it was never there as far as I’m concerned.”

The room grows quiet as you take in his words, it was unexpected you turn to Cain and your father, “would you mind giving James and I a minute please?”

Your father and Cain nod pushing off the chairs, Winnifred and Steve following suit, an unspoken rule. Cain is the last one out, his voice calling out to you, “I’ll have the car ready for you.”

You nod offering him a small smile, “thank you Cain.”

The room is tense, eyes studying one another, “what are you doing James?”

He raises a brow, “Firing Lorraine, finally assigning Steve the position that should have been his from the beginning, doing away with the feud, you think all this fixes things, is that what you’re trying to do?”

“guy has to start somewhere right,” he murmurs trying his best at a lopsided smile though it doesn’t reach his eyes. He sighs at the glare you direct at him, “all the decisions I chose to make and present to you today were mine and mine alone, our divorce, our separation did play a huge part in it,” he adds, “but like I said because of my actions and mine alone I lost the things that mattered the most, as for the part about my father, after I gave you the keys I talked to ma later that week and she told me everything,” he sighed, “I hate that I had to watch everything fall apart around me to realize what I had done, to see the hurt that I had caused you and the kids, to see what me becoming obsessed with work had done to us.”

You scoff wiping under your eyes, you were tired of crying, “You know it’s a little too late to be making these apologies Barnes, I’m happy you’re finally getting your head out of your ass, but it’s rather late, were you expecting me to just fall for your apologies, for your words?”

“I don’t know what I was expecting to come from this, but I know you, and I know your forgiveness won’t come easy, but I told you that night about a month ago, that I would find my way back to you and the kids, and I mean it y/n.”

“there’s words and then there’s actions James,” you reply standing from the chair, “and if you think any of the actions that you put to play today makes any of the pain you have caused me better, than your mistaken.” Your sliding the folder that you had been looking over earlier in your home towards him, “I think you forget how unforgiving I can be James, and how hard one must work to gain my trust back.”

He grabs the folder, “so where does this leave us?”

Your lips form a thin line, “I don’t know where this leaves us, and to be honest it’s not a priority of mine at the moment.”

Bucky scrubs at his face, and you spot the reddening of his eyes, “what do I have to do for you to see that I mean what I say y/n?”

“Just be there, not for me though, be there for the kids, I’m a big girl Barnes, I can handle the pain a divorce like ours brings, but the children, they need us, they need us more than ever now, especially you, so be there, not for me, but for them, start there.”

He wipes under his eyes, and it pains you but you remain stoic, he had hurt you enough, “do you think we’ll ever get to a better place.”

You sigh as you adjust your bag, “I would hope so because I care about you James I really do, but it’s up to you, I’ve always been the one to put the work in, to fight, and now it’s your turn.” You move towards the door then, fingers wrapping around the handle, you glance back at him, “The contents in the folder and how you choose to handle it or let me handle it is the first step, it was nice seeing you, and thank you for taking care of the kids, have a great afternoon James.”

Bucky watches you walk away, the door closing softly behind you with a click. He glances down at the folder placing it on his desk as he flips it open, his jaw clenching, “son of a bitch!”


	5. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, depictions of violence (blood), character death.

“What are you going to do Buck, this is technically your call.”

Bucky pushed a breath of air out of his lips as he looked at the open folder again, a black and white image of Lorraine on the docks – your docks more specifically - stared back at him. “Is it though, she’s not mine to worry about anymore Steve, hell she cut her own ties the moment she threatened my wife’s family, and now this, you know y/n could very well put a bullet through her head.”

“So then why hasn’t she,” Steve questioned, “she’d be doing us all a favor.”

Bucky chuckled softly, a roll of his eyes, “the only reason y/n hasn’t put a bullet through her head is because she thought Lorraine was still tied to us, if Lorraine had still been tied to us and she put a bullet through her head that could have very well started a turf war, as much as y/n doesn’t like me right now, she wouldn’t do something like that, she wouldn’t put herself or her men in danger.”

Steve’s brows furrowed in confusion, “why would it start a turf war, I thought your dad did away with that when he made that contract between the families.”

Bucky shook his head, “all my dad did by drawing up that contract was make a truce, as long as neither family did anything to break that truce, which in this case was blood drawn, then that contract would never be broken and the turf wars would remain off the table.”

“huh,” Steve hummed, “so that’s why y/n refrained herself from hurting Lorraine in anyway when she very well deserved to be put through the ringer.

Bucky’s head fell to his hand, “please don’t remind me.”

“did you really not see it,” Steve questioned, “did you not see her behavior towards you, I mean for fucks sake the day y/n served you she was on your lap Buck, what the hell was that about, that action alone had sealed your fate man, what wer-”

“Enough Rogers.”

“No buck,” Steve continues, “you lost your wife, the woman you loved, the same woman Peggy and I would hear you bitch and moan about not being able to have because your father wouldn’t allow it, you loved her buck and then some dame like Lorraine gets assigned to you and that love suddenly flies out the window, I fucking call bullshit buck.”

“Steve stop,” Bucky grunts, eyes glaring.

“No Bucky, I’ve seen what this divorce has done to you, I know this isn’t something you wanted” he argues, “you don’t think I’ve seen the extra bottles laying around, have you even been sleeping,” he questions, Bucky’s jaw clenching, “you’re becoming a skeleton of your former self, and don’t even get me started on how reckless you’ve been when it comes to Rumlow, there’s something you’re not telling me Buck, the others might not think to question it but you’re my brother, I know you.”

“learn when to leave well enough alone will you, there’s nothing going on!”

“Bull fucking shit,” Steve yells, “I saw the change in you when you let Lorraine go, I saw how you were with the children Buck, it’s like you were never absent, that’s how much time you spent with them, how attached you got, how carefree you were, and I’m pretty sure that would have been the case with y/n had you let Lorraine go had y-”

Bucky’s hand slams to the table abruptly cutting Steve’s rant, “Lorraine is a part of Hydra,” he growls.

Steve is taken back, “w-what, what do you mean she’s a part of hydra?”

Bucky released a shaky sigh, he had finally said it, finally able to release this huge burden that had laid heavy on him for so long. 

“Lorraine is Alexander Pierce’s daughter.”

Steve sucked in a breath, “H-how, her last name is Emerson, are you absolutely sure,” Bucky nods his head, “buck what the hell man, you knew she was Hydra and you kept her around, do you know how reckless and dangerous that was especially with the shit rumlow had been pulling?!”

Bucky shakes his head, “Steve I didn’t know at first; when she was assigned to me I had no idea, it wasn’t until a few months after, it was one of the nights that I was working late, after pops passed away I was rummaging through some files looking for intel on Hydra since Rumlow had begun to pop up on our radar a few weeks after dad passed.” a pause, “I came across some of pops things and decided to sort through them so I could discard of them appropriately, that’s when I came across her file, and a letter.”

Steve’s head titled in question, “a letter?”

Bucky nodded his head, “It was from Rumlow, it had been dated before dad passed away, but the occasion it called on went back a few years .”

“what did it say?” Steve questioned.

“Long story short, Rumlow wanted revenge.”

Steve waited for him to continue, “as you are well aware one of y/n’s fathers’ men was the one to kill Pierce, and Rumlow wanted revenge for his death. So, he asked my father for help because he was well aware of the turf wars the y/l/n’s and my father had, and in turn he would ensure that when shit went sideways once rumlow had what he needed that my father and his men would not be caught in it.”

Steve’s brows furrowed in confusion, “but Rumlow was still getting into our shit buck, he was still stirring up trouble, why would you father make a deal with the likes of those men, especially if Brock was just going to go back on his word.”

“Apparently we didn’t know dad as well as we thought, and it seems he didn’t know Rumlow that well either.”

“okay, okay,” Steve murmured, “but how does Lorraine come into play, and why did you wait this long to finally give her the boot, especially if you knew she was only here because Rumlow wanted revenge on y/n’s family.”

Bucky sighed, “alright a question at a time Stevie, look in regards to how Lorraine came into play; dad had told Rumlow that I would be taking over soon and that I needed a right hand, I’m assuming that Rumlow told dad he had the perfect person for the part, and that was Lorraine.”

“how do you know that though, I’m sure all of this information wasn’t on one letter alone.”

“Your right it wasn’t,” bucky replies, “I looked through some of the surveillance dating back to around that time, and Rumlow had paid dad a late visit, while I couldn’t hear every word they shared, I did pick up on the part where dad said I would be needing a right hand.”

“Jesus buck, and you kept this a secret why, why didn’t you tell anyone what was going on?”

Bucky rubs at his jaw, “the reason I didn’t say anything is because I knew that shit would go sideways the minute I confided in any of you closest to me, I knew if I told y/n she would be on Lorraine in a second, without even thinking twice about pulling that trigger.”

“but why would that have been so bad,” Steve argues, “you could have saved her and yourself all this pain Buck, this decision ruined your marriage!”

“because if I told y/n and she took care of Lorraine; Lorraine who was my right hand during this time, that would have started a turf war between us because of the written agreement my father had, Steve I would have lost my children and wife indefinitely, it would have been her and her men’s blood on my hands!”

Steve sighs with a shake of his head, his form slumping in the chair, “Then fuck the agreement Buck your dad wasn’t around to see what you would have done, why didn’t you say something man, anything, you lost y/n because of this, because you were looking out for her and her men, you lost her and she doesn’t even know, she thinks that you had chosen the job, chosen Lorraine.”

“But isn’t that what I did by choosing to try and take care of the problem myself, buy feeding into Lorraine, Steve I chose the job, I chose the job to protect my family, my wife and kids and look where it got me.” The room grows quiet for a minute, Steves much softer voice sounding through the room, “do you regret it, choosing to try and take this on alone?”

“of course I do man, I messed up, look at what Lorraine is doing, I tried to keep her from getting to y/n in any way I could, and she still got to her.”

“You need to tell y/n the truth Buck, she deserves to know.”

“No Steve, you think me telling her any of this is going to fix the pain I caused her, fix our marriage, it isn’t, what needs to happen now is we need to take Hydra down once and for all, they’ve been the source of our problems for years now.”

Steve sighed, “and how do you plan on doing that.”

“We start at the root of the problem,” Steve tilts his head in question, “give y/n a call and let her know she can take care of the problem, advise her to take it slow, I know Rumlow is going to have eyes and ears on Lorraine at all times, tell her once she’s ready to take care of it, it needs to be done on my streets, I won’t have Rumlow coming after her or her men.”

Steve grimaces at Bucky’s words, “you think it’ll go sideways?”

“I have no doubt it will.”

It’s four weeks later when your finally stepping foot onto Bucky’s streets, a fire burning bright within. In the passing weeks the sadness that had once dwelled within had quickly dissipated and turned to anger the night Steve had paid you a visit; Manila folders and tapes in hand. You remember the confusion that had graced your features at seeing him on your door step.

_“What are you doing here Steven,” you had questioned upon opening the door that night._

_“Bucky has asked me to come inform you that you can take care of the problem.” You raise a brow, “okay,” you murmur “and you couldn’t call to tell me that?”_

_“I could but,” he sighed, “Look y/n things are expected to go sideways when you do decide to take care of Lorraine and while Bucky thinks he’s protecting you by keeping you in the dark about the situation I think you deserve to know.”_

_Your brows furrowed in confusion, “deserve to know, what do I deserve to know?”_

_“Just look this over,” he replies passing you the things, “I hope this answers everything for you, and I hope you understand Bucky’s behavior, but more importantly I hope you’ll understand his reasoning.”_

_Dread fills you at his words, eyes glancing down at the things in your hand before looking back up at Steve, “Steven what’s going on?”_

_He’s backing away then, eyes still on yours as he makes to leave, “please just look it over y/n, you deserve to know.”_

And you had; you had sorted through the files first, brows furrowing in confusion the more you sorted through them, you knew what you were looking at, you just couldn’t understand why. It’s when you got to the tapes that Steve had placed in order for you that it all snapped into place, and you were seeing red despite the heavy onset of tears streaming down your cheeks. After watching the last tape you had called your mom in a flurry of emotions and asked her to come and stay with the kids, when she had asked what was wrong you had kept it simple, there was a situation that needed closure.

Though there had been anything but closure that night that you showed up on Buckys steps, fingers wiping away furiously at the tears that rolled down your cheeks, your fist pounding heavily on his door. There was no formalities it was straight to the point as soon as the door was pulled open, and his eyes fell on yours.

_“Steve told you, didn’t he?”_

_A scoff leaves your lips, “at least someone did, were you ever going to tell me Bucky?”_

_“Would it have changed anything, would you have actually held yourself back from hurting her, until we could find a way to deal with it?” he questions and more tears track your cheeks._

_“You know it would have buck, because unlike you I listen,” you argued, “unlike you I’m rational about things and not always trying to play the damn hero!”_

_“Y/n when I found out, I was just trying to keep you and the kids safe, I was trying to keep our families safe -”_

_“And look what good that did you buck, look what good it did you to try and take on keeping your family safe alone, you lost that family!”_

_“I know sweetheart, and I’m trying to right my wrongs,” he argues._

_“You think this is righting your wrongs, you think keeping something like this from me makes any of it better,” you questioned, and Bucky’s eyes watch you, unmoving. “This makes nothing better buck, I’m glad it explained everything you couldn’t care to tell me yourself but the fact that you felt the need to hide something so big from me, something as big as Hydra, why couldn’t you say something James, why do you always have to be the fucking hero!”_

_“Doll-”_

_“Don’t you dare,” you cried, “don’t you dare,” you whimpered lips wobbling. Bucky can’t stand to see you so distraught so he moves forward arms wrapping around your disheveled frame, and you cave, your own arms wrapping around his back._

_“Why Bucky, why didn’t you tell me anything,” you choked out face buried into his chest, “we could have figured this out together, we could have taken Hydra down together,” you grunted hands curling into the back of his shirt._

_“I was trying to keep you safe, dove,” he whispered into your hair, his owns tears threatening to spill, “I wasn’t going to allow Rumlow to hurt you or your family, your men, and I know now that instead of keeping you from that pain I’m the one that has caused it, and I’m sorry.”_

_“I hate you,” you cry, “I hate that you did this, that you went about it this way, I hate that you drove us apart, I hate that you were trying to do right only to do it wrong, I wish you would have talked to me, talked to me on any of those nights that I tried to get you to listen, because I would have listened James, I would have listened,” you argued pulling away from his hold._

_“Baby I just wanted to keep you safe, I needed to keep you and the kids safe, you have to understand, you have to believe me, I would never intentionally hurt you or the kids y/n.”_

_You wiped away at the fresh tears, more gathering as your eyes met his, “but now who’s keeping us safe?”_

That night had ended with more tears than you had hoped for. Had ended with Bucky falling to his knees, begging, pleading to do right by you, for you to let him in. But could you, could you trust him when he had kept something this big from you. The answer had been no, and it had only broke him further, and as much as it ached deep in your soul to see the man you loved so broken, he had broken you too.

You hadn’t spoken to Bucky much since that night, all calls in regards to the current situation at hand had been with Steve. So it’s no surprise to you when Steve is the one to greet you and Cain, “y/n,” he nods his eyes falling to the hand resting on your back, his eyes meet yours brow raised.

You roll your eyes, “stand down steven,” you murmur, “is she here?”

Steve nods stiffly, “Yeah, we have her in the back, you can come this way.”

Your feet trail after Steve’s, Cain following closely behind. You go down through a corridor entering a brightly lit room, Bucky stands in the center of the room, Lorraine tied to a chair a foot away from him, a gag placed in her mouth. 

“Well this is quite a welcome sight,” you speak up, catching both their attention, “much more welcome then seeing you perched in my husband’s lap.”

Lorraine’s eyes widen, body wiggling wildly in the chair, struggling against the gag in her mouth, a smirk tugs at your lips as you continue forward brushing past Bucky. Your fingers reach for the gag pulling it down before roughly grabbing ahold of her jaw.

“Well, well, well,” you murmur, “couldn’t keep your nose out of my shit now could you.”

“Fuck you,” she hisses eyes glaring.

“I really would watch what you say to me Lorraine,” you murmur, “though what would be the point, your fate rests in my hands, and it ends the same for you.”

“Do your worse y/n, we already have what we need to complete the job.” she relies with a smirk, a new found confidence.

“Right hydra,” her face falls, “tell me something Lorraine, why go through all that struggle to become a bed warmer for my husband when you could have very well taken care of the revenge you sought after from the beginning, George basically served us on a golden platter for you the day you were assigned right hand.”

“because,” she grunted, “I needed you to suffer, I needed you to feel some semblance of pain to the pain you and your men caused me when you killed my father, and it was an added plus that James was such an attractive man, wasn’t hard to play the part at all, had you not interrupted us to serve your ex-husband those papers, I’m sure it would have gone further than me just sitting on his lap,” she grins.

A growl tears from your lips as you release her from your hold, her head jolting back harshly, her laughter fills the air, and the sound alone has your jaw clenching, “you know y/n, for being so adamant to file for divorce, you sure are the jealous type, tell me something,” she chides, a grin splitting her lips, “did you hire Adonis over there in hopes of having a semblance of what James and I had?”

It’s in a blink of an eye that your sending a knife into her thigh, a blood curdling scream permeating the room. “Do tell me,” you hissed, “what exactly it was that you and he had, because from what I took, “you grunted twisting the knife a little deeper, “you were just a desperate, desperate stupid girl who was after revenge, but that wasn’t all was it?”

Another scream tears from her lips, blood oozing from her leg, “was it Lorraine,” she’s shaking her head, “you fell in love with him didn’t you,” a whimper falls from her lips, “answer me bitch, you fell in love with him didn’t you,”

“y-yes,” she grunts through her tears.

“did Rumlow know,” you question, wide, watery eyes meet yours, “he didn’t did he,” she looked away, “you really were a rat weren’t you, I’m sure you thought you could get away unharmed from all this, that your betrayal wouldn’t be known, but I told you I would do what I needed.”

Another scream tears through the room as you pull the knife from her leg, “you fucking bitch,” she seethes breathing heavily, “do what you have to do already, I got what I needed and more, Rumlow got what he needed, so stop bitching and whining over losing someone that didn’t l-”

You flinch at the gun shot that rings through the room, a pained gasp leaves Lorraine’s, lips, blood pooling heavily through her shirt. Your head snaps to the side, Bucky’s armed raise, his gun smoking slightly. His jaw is clenched, fingers gripped tight around the trigger, his eyes meet yours briefly before there going back to Lorraine’s now slouched form. “Steve take care of her body will you.” he murmurs, unmoving.

“Cain you can bring the car around for y/n, we’re done here.”

“boss?” Cain calls out in question, your eyes never leave Bucky’s as you give your answer, “y-yeah go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

The room falls silent, the only sound is that of Cain’s retreating footsteps, “what the hell was that James.”

His eyes move over to yours, “me taking care of the job,” he murmurs pocketing the gun, “I wasn’t going to just stand back and let her tear at you y/n, I wasn’t going to let her spill another fucking lie,” he grunted.

“that shouldn’t have been your decision to make Bucky,” you argued.

“well she betrayed me in more ways than one, so technically it was my decision and my problem to take care of as well, and it’s been taken care of,” you stare at him in disbelief, “come, can’t keep Cain waiting.”

You watch Bucky move towards the entrance of the room, you look to Steve, his eyes meeting yours briefly before he’s going back to the task at hand.

With your lips set in a thin line you move towards Bucky brushing past him, “I don’t understand why your mad dove.”

Your stopping mid stride the open doors to the warehouse hidden slightly by the wooden cargo shipments loitering the room, “you don’t know why I’m upset,” you question turning to face him, “Bucky she was my problem to deal, with she was taking shit from me left and right, she was supposed to get taken care of by my hand not yours.”

“hey she took things from me to,” he argued, moving around to block you from leaving.

You glared arms crossing over your chest, “if she took anything from you it’s because you let her,” you hissed, “but what you did back there was not your decision to make y-”

“Ms. Y/l/n the car is ready,” you hear Cain call from the doors.

You sighed, “look I can’t do this with you right now, I don’t want to argue, like you said it’s done, I’ll see you this weekend, don’t forget it’s your turn with the kid-”

Heavy gunfire sounds outside of the warehouse; your eyes snap to the doorway, a noise semblance to a scream tearing from your lips as you see Cain fall to the floor. Time slows as bullets pierce the metal walls of the warehouse; Bucky’s arms are shoving you to the side, his body doubling in on itself as a pained groan falls from his lips, hands shooting to his side. 

A scream of Steve’s name tears through your lips as you and Bucky both fall to the floor, your hands pulling on Bucky to get him behind the shipment furthest from the door.

Steve rushes out of the room, skidding to his knees, “it’s Rumlow,” Bucky groans head falling back onto the boards, “I knew that asshole was going to take an opportunity when he saw one,” he hisses clutching at his side, blood quickly seeping through his fingers. “Call in the other’s that are on standby don’t let him get away, this ends today.”

“Got it boss,” Steve rushes out, shaky hands reaching for his phone, the gunfire still sounding through the air, wood splintering from the cargo around you. You barely make out the words that Steve is speaking, your eyes trained on Bucky’s wound.

“M’fine dove,” you hear him grunt out as he adjusts himself, your eyes flit up to his, “just a little scrape, nothing I haven’t experienced before.”

“Just a little scrape,” you hiss, “why do you always have to be the fucking hero Barnes,” you yell your own hands falling over his to press down onto the bleeding wound.

Bucky’s hands that isn’t pressing on the bleeding wound grabs ahold of your arm, his eyes drooping slightly as he speaks, “Because I made you a promise awhile back that I would always take care of you, and regardless of whether or not you want me to, I’m going to take care of you and the kids, I won’t ever let anything happen to you, if I can help it.”

“Stop making promises unless you intend on keeping them,” you muttered eyes leaving his to focus on the wound.

Bucky goes to reply with a pained groan, but Steve is speaking up just as the gunfire ceases all at once.

“Boss, they got him.”

Your eyes are snapping to Steve, “it’s over.”


	6. Caught In The Moment

A puff of air leaves Bucky’s lips, a pained grunt following, “Fuck dove, you don’t have to be so rough!”

Air blew past your lips, flicking your hair from your eyes, “well maybe if you’d stop moving,” you hissed, eyes glaring, “I could get this done much quicker.”

Another groan leaves his lips as the needle passes through his skin, “pass the bottle will ya, I’m about to pass out here!”

You stab the needle through the skin again, a hiss falling from his lips, “I think I prefer you passed out at this point.”

Bucky chuckles, “that’s the one thing I’ve always loved about you, I still love about you,” he groans when you tug particularly hard on the suture, “always such a spitfire.”

A huff left your lips as your bloodied hand reached for the liquor bottle on the coffee table, “drink,” you muttered, “trying to shut me up dove,” he questions a smirk on his lips.

You rolled your eyes as you pierced his skin for the last stitch, “something like that,” you murmured under your breath, focusing on the task before you as you tied and cut the suture, reaching over for some gauze to clean and wipe down the bloodied area.

You got up from the couch without a single word as you made your way through the house, feet carrying you to what was once your shared master bathroom. You made quick work of scrubbing his blood off your hands, the washcloth rubbing over your skin, till it was red and raw. You shut off the water, hands bracing yourself against the granite counter. A shaky breath left your lips, as the events of today finally caught up with you.

Hydra was taken down; Lorraine, and Rumlow had been taken care of, you had lost your right-hand to a single shot to the head, and you almost lost Bucky. The blood loss had begun to take its toll back at the warehouse while you waited for the green-light, his head lulling back as he struggled to keep his eyes open. Panic had struck you as you tried to keep him awake, staining his face with his own blood as your hands pulled away from the wound to slap at his cheeks. A prayer of his name spilling from your lips as you fought to keep his eyes on yours.

Bucky had down right refused a hospital, especially with the events that had transpired, you couldn’t blame him, you knew questions would be asked, questions you knew that the answers would not sound good spilling from his lips. So you told Steve to take you to what was once yours and Bucky’s shared home and that you would stitch him up there and pray to god that he could make it till then. Thankfully he had, but you had had no time to let the events settle with in you, and now that you had a few minutes to yourself it had hit you all at once, blindsiding you as the first tear fell, a grunt of frustration leaving your lips as you wiped the tear away.

You stood there for a few minutes letting the emotions roll through you, “sweetheart,” your head snapped to the side, Bucky leaning against the doorway concerned eyes searching yours. You looked away wiping at your face, before reaching for the discarded washcloth, running water over it before you rung it out. You sucked in a breath before you turned towards Bucky, your hands reached for his face, wiping away the blood that you had left there, rubbing softy. His hand gripped yours stilling your movements, “you don’t have to do that dove,” he murmured looking you over.

You shook your head sniffling, more tears threatening to gather in your eyes, “please let me,” you spoke, voice small, but Bucky wouldn’t release his hold on your wrist.

“Talk to me y/n, I'm here, talk to me.”

Your jaw clenched, tongue running over the inside of your mouth, “what would you like me to say James, hmm,” you hummed, “would you like to hear how fucked up I think all of this is, or maybe you’d like to hear how tired I am of life throwing me curveballs.”

“You don’t have to do this alone y/n, I’m right here sweetheart, I've been here.” he replies, and you’re pulling your hand away from his as if you’ve been burned by his touch fingers discarding the cloth.

“Have you though James, have you actually been here, you think a month of you finally spending time with your children is enough to say that you’ve been here,” you argued, “because last I recalled, the reason I served you those divorce papers was because you weren’t there, you were never there, always so caught up in your fucking work!”

His jaw clenched at your anger, eyes darkening at your words, “and I asked you for time, y/n, I've always asked you for time, I was trying to make sure you and the kids were kept safe while I dealt with Rumlow and Lorraine, while I dealt with Hydra!”

“nobody asked you to do any of that,” you grunted, “nobody asked you to take this on alone, your decisions led us to this, had you just told me, told your wife what was going on from the beginning we wouldn’t be here!”

“we also wouldn’t be here had you not signed those papers y/n, I could have fixed this, why didn’t you let me fix this!” he growled.

“because I have been asking you for the past year to fix this James, and nothing ever changed” you screeched, “I had been trying to get you to see that Lorraine was tearing us apart which apparently you knew since you knew she worked for Hydra,” you argued.

“I couldn’t let her know I knew y/n, if she knew that I had discovered who she was, things would have gone sideways, and I wouldn’t have been prepared, I couldn’t risk her hurting you or the kids!”

“But you still hurt us Bucky, you still hurt me,” you cried, “you were barely ever home, barely slept in our bed with me, you wouldn’t touch me, and if you did, you were so disconnected, it's like,” you sucked in a shaky breath, “it's like all my fears were coming true, that you were finally falling for that bitches charm.”

“baby it wasn’t -”

“bullshit it wasn’t like that James, the bitch was in your lap that day I served you, why the fuck was she in your lap if it wasn’t like that,” you questioned angrily.

“Did you even watch the videos Steve brought you, because I know that punk put that tape in for you.”

Your jaw clenched; you had watched the videos, and you had almost skipped over it as soon as you saw the still of Lorraine perched on Bucky’s lap but curiosity had killed the cat. There had been a part of you that wanted to believe that Bucky would never hurt you like that, that his absence was merely due to the stress of the job and not the pest that was his right hand, you wanted to believe he would never be unfaithful like he had promised you in his vows.

And he hadn’t been, but you couldn’t understand why it had happened in the first place; “if you already know what I saw, why do you ask,” you muttered, he stepped closer “because I know you dove, and I know that the second you saw the image from that day that you would skip over it, because you’d be scared of what you’d see.”

“why didn’t you push her off sooner,” you questioned, “why did it take me walking into that room for you to finally push her off Buck, you were strong enough to tell her to fuck off, that you had a loving wife and two beautiful children waiting for you at home, but why weren’t you strong enough to shove her off?”

“Dove had you come in a second later you know, and I know you know that I would have shoved her off,” tears filled your eyes, “baby on the day of our wedding I promised to always be faithful to you and only you, and I would never, ever hurt you in such a way.”

“why couldn’t you talk to me Bucky, why couldn’t you listen to what I was telling you, why didn’t you try and fix this before we became so broken, we wouldn’t be here now.” you cried, and god how tired you were of crying.

Bucky’s hands reached out for you, finding their way to your cheeks, “I’m sorry dove, I'm sorry I got so caught up in the job, that I neglected you and the kids, and I know there will never be enough sorrys in the world for me to fix my mistakes, but please let me try, I promise it’ll be different this time, I won’t get caught up in the job, I’ll listen every time you tell me something, I promise to do better,” he leaned his head against yours, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on sooner, I'm sorry I tried to take this on alone when I should have gone to you and had your help, I’m so sorry.”

Ocean grey eyes stare back you; and in this minty moment, your senses have been overcome by him, and you’re not thinking straight as you fall in closer, your name falling from his lips in breathy plea

The next thing you knew, his lips were on yours knocking the air from your lungs. It was hot, fiery, passionate, it was demanding. The strong scent of whiskey being exchanged in the intermingling of your billowing breaths. Your arms slid up tangling in his thick long locks, his own falling away from your face to grasp a hold of the back of your thighs as he hoisted you up, wary of the injury.

He stumbled back with you in his arms, mouth never leaving yours, it's when his knees hit the bed, that he breaks away with a gasp, “you need to tell me to stop sweetheart, please tell me to stop,” he murmured head knocking against yours as he breathed you in.

Your senses were seduced by the feeling of being in his arms, heart fluttering in your chest as you drew in closer lips brushing against his, “touch me, please.”

Bucky drops you to the bed unable to contain himself anymore, his body falling over yours as he pushes you onto your back, his lips finding yours in a fiery kiss of teeth and tongue. His hands work their way around your body, feeling every curve, every dip on you. His lips leave yours if only for a moment to tug your silk dress off leaving you in your matching lace garments. “look at you,” he murmurs, “fuck I've always loved this piece on you,” he whispers fingers skimming over the tops of your bra hooking the cup before he’s pulling down, exposing you to the cool air of the room. He leans down eyes on yours, his tongue gliding across your skin, mouth covering your nipple.

A gasp falls from your lip as his teeth nip at your bud, your hips rolling into his at the pleasure coursing through you. He pulls off with an inaudible ‘pop’ mouth nipping along your exposed skin, lips falling over your other nipple.

“Bucky please.”

He nips at your skin before pulling away, “don’t worry baby I got you,” he murmurs, because he did, and he would make sure you knew that, he would make sure you felt it.

His lips are finding your skin again, body writhing at the feel of the open-mouthed kisses he’s leaving against your heated skin, his head dipping down further until he’s mouthing around the skin just above your lace panties.

Another plea of his name falls from your lips, he smiles against your skin, “I know dove, I know what you need,” he replies, fingers tugging at the lace pulling, till your exposed just enough for him to slip between your legs. Your legs fall over his shoulders, his strong hands finding your hips, as he pulled you in closer, his lips skimming across your inner thigh nipping, and sucking at the sensitive skin. He grips you tighter, his warm breath fanning against your cunt, tongue flattening against your core, licking a stripe along your folds, a low moan falls from your lips. He repeats the motion; his tongue slipping between your folds this time drawing another moan from you as he swirls the tip of his tongue against your clit. Your hands slide up your body grasping at your exposed chest, your hips bucking up into his mouth. Low groans build up in his throat as he sucks the sensitive bundle of nerves between his lips, drawing a gasp from you, your head falling back to the pillow back arching.

“o-oh god,” you gasp, “just like that, just like that.”

Bucky chuckles lowly, the vibration causing you to jolt in his hold, “always were so vocal for me, weren’t you dove, could always draw the prettiest sound from you,” he murmurs, his tongue delving into the warm wet heat of your cunt, “Fuck James” you groan, fingers curling into his hair.

His hand falls away from your hip sliding down your thigh, two fingers sliding into your slick heat fucking into you, a slow build of pleasure. Your eyes slip shut, mouth falling open as breathy moans spill from your lips. There’s a shift on the bed and when your eyes slip open, he’s above you, fingers still working into you. He leans down to press his lips to yours drinking in your moans, you pull away with a gasp, he smirks “you’re going to cum aren’t you dove,” he murmurs pressing a kiss to your chin he knew your body, knew what made your toes curl, knew what made you scream his name, knew what would have you seeing stars.

“cum for me sweetheart, I can feel it baby, cum for me,” he murmurs feeling you tighten around him your desperate moans of pleasure spurring him on.

“Oh god Buck please,” you gasp gripping his arm; your close, right on the edge of falling over.

Bucky’s thumb slides through your wet folds seeking out your clit, the sensitive bundle of nerves that will have you falling apart in his arms. He’s rubbing over you in tight, quick circles that send waves of pleasure washing over you. The coil in your stomach becomes tighter before it snaps; your orgasm hits you hard pleasure washing over you. Your mouth splits open in a breathy gasp, fingers digging into his arms, your head thrown back in pleasure. Bucky fucks you through your orgasm, his mouth drowning out your moans of pleasure as he slips his fingers from you. Your hands snake their way around his back to pull him closer, lips pressing further into his. You deepen the kiss, tongue running over his lower lip, dancing slowly with one another, his hands roam the curves of your body, fingers pressing into your waist as he pulls his lips away from yours, a gasp falling from his lips as he pulls air back into his lungs.

Your tugging at him, trying to get him where you need him, because that just it, you need him.

“bucky,” you groan trying to get him between your legs, but he’s not budging, as his head buries itself into your neck.

“we’ve got time baby, I've got you.”

“I don’t care about time,” you grunt as your fingers find the buttons of his slack ripping it open, “I need you Bucky, I need you right now.”

A chuckle turned moan falls from his lips as your cup him through his slacks. The action has him moving, his body slotting between your thighs as he works his slacks down. His hand grips at your chin, your eyes meeting his, “always were so eager weren't you dove, always knew what you wanted when you wanted.”

“James please,” you moaned bucking up against him.

“I got you sweetheart.”

Your jaw falls slack, back arching as he slides in to the hilt, your heat fluttering around his length. He’s pulling out till only the tip is in you before he’s surging forward, slamming into you, your body sliding up against the cooled sheets

Bucky’s hips start to thrust, his thick cock dragging along your walls, your walls fluttering as he picks up speed, hard fast jarring thrusts leaving you breathless. Your fingers are curling into the sheets below you, legs wrapping around his waist to keep you locked to him, the erratic pace driving you up the bed.

The sensation of your approaching orgasm washes over you, and from Bucky’s faulty thrusts you can tell he’s close too. He’s fucking into you so roughly you’re sure to be sore tomorrow, his name falls from your lips in a silent prayer as he brings you closer and closer to that delicious pressure that is wanting to combust and leave you quaking in his hold.

The orgasm he brings you to catches you off guard, the pleasure building within taking you by surprise. Your body goes tense, toes curling, thighs shaking, pussy clenching around his length as you bring Bucky to his own end.

Your both breathing heavily as you come down, Bucky’s sliding off to the side his sweaty back falling to the cooled sheets below him. It takes you both a moment to come too, his body rolling over till he’s propped on his side looking down at you. You’re smiling up at him lazily through your post orgasmic haze, his hand comes up to rub at your cheek, a lazy smile of his own tugging at his lips. His hand finds its way to your cheek, “stay with me,” he murmurs fingers running over your skin, and you know it’s a bad idea, but your losing yourself in the moment once more as his lips dip down to yours. You would give yourself tonight. One night.

It’s in the early hours of the morning that your stirring awake a heavy weight over your stomach pulling you from your sleep. A soft ‘fuck’ falls from your lips as your eyes find Bucky’s sleeping form next to you, a shaky breath follows as you pull yourself away from him slowly. A heavy weight settles in your chest as you look for your discarded garments, “what are you doing doll,” wide eyes snap to Bucky as he sits up in bed.

You steel yourself, “what does it look like I'm doing James, I'm getting my things,” you murmur.

“I can see that dove,” he mutters, “what I can’t understand is why, it's too early come back to bed.”

You pause in your search eyes meeting his, “No Bucky,” his brows furrow, “what do you mean no?”

You sigh, “Bucky I'm not sure what you thought last night was, but I assure you it was nothing more than sex.”

“Bullshit,” he growls watching you pull on your lace garments, dress following, “that was not just sex and you know it y/n so don’t give me that shit.”

Your eyes met his glaring, “you think getting me into bed magically fixes all of our problems James, you think one night fixes everything between us,” he doesn’t answer eyes hard, “well I'm sorry but it doesn’t, what happened last night was a in the moment thing Buck, we both got caught up and it happened.”

“Right,” he laughs, “in the moment just happens three fucking times.”

You knew this would happen, you don’t speak another word as you walk to the door pulling it open, your eyes meet his again, “don’t forget it’s your day with the kids.”

A growl leaves Bucky’s lips as he sees you disappear from his room, he tears the sheets from his naked body, feet trailing's yours.

“so that’s it,” he growls getting your attention, “you’re just going to act like last night mean nothing to you?”

You huff as you reach for your heel, you needed to get out of here, “yes James that’s exactly what I’m going to do, because it didn’t it mean anything it was just sex, we’re still divorced, last night didn’t fix whatever's going on between us, it didn’t change anything.”

A growl builds deep in Bucky’s chest as he advances on you, rough hands pushing you into the back of the couch, “so that’s how we’re going to play this is it,” he grunted hands gripping the sides of your dresses roughly as he bunched it up around your waist, “you’re just going to act like what happened between us didn’t mean shit when in reality dove,” he hissed hand dipping between your parted legs, “it meant much more, always did like to act like a brat didn’t you.” he murmured lips running along the back of your neck.

“Bucky.”

He nips at your skin, “tell me to stop sweetheart,” he taunts, “wouldn’t want you to do something that you didn’t want.” he grunts. His hold loosens hand falling away from the heat between your legs, your turning in his arms, lips set in a thin line, “this changes nothing.”

A smirk tugs at his lips his left finding its way into your hair tugging, exposing your neck to him, his right nestling itself between your thighs, “of course it doesn’t,” he whispers dropping to the floor, index finger trailing over the crotch of your lace panties, he looks up at you then, “tell me something dove, you think anyone else is going to touch you the way I can?”

“you haven’t exactly made it easy for me to find out’,” you hissed, though it quickly dissipates into a low moan as his lips press against your lace covered pussy, “Fuck James,” you moan.

“I don’t think they will baby, nobody knows your body quiet like I do,” he growls softly fingers hooking into the side of your panties exposing you to the cool air of the room, “ they wouldn’t be able to please you the way I can, wouldn’t be able to have you screaming in seconds, incoherent words spilling from those beautiful lips of yours,” he murmurs tongue peeking out to run over the slick of you folds.

“shit,” you groan head lulling back, “tell me to stop dove,” he replies against your skin, “tell me you don’t want this, that I'm not it for you” he grins tongue pushing past your folds circling your clit. Your hands find their way to the back of his head, gripping the chocolate locks, “please don’t stop,” you breathed a whimper escaping past your lips. 

“that’s my girl,” he murmurs into slick heat of your fold’s. A moan tears from your lips as his mouth flattens against your heat, lips sucking at your clit. Your toes are curling in your heels, “holy f-fuck,” you moan hips rolling against his hands. He continues to push you further as he works his mouth over your wet heat tongue dipping past your folds. Harsh fingers tug at his loose locks your hips rocking up into his mouth your body pushing over the edge. A low moan tears from your lips, as your orgasm rocks through you, “oh g-god Buck,” you moan sucking in a breath, walls fluttering as he continues to work you through it, your body thrumming with pleasure.

Your body falls lax against the back of the couch breath coming out in warm puffs, your dress is slipping partially from his hold as he kisses his way up your clothed body lips finding yours, you can taste yourself on his tongue, a low groan falling from your lips, your hands wrapping around the back of his neck, tugging at the hair. He groans into your mouth before your tugging him away, your hands pushing him to the side. A lopsided grin kisses his lips as he watches you adjust yourself, “you can fight it all you want dove, but I'm going to get you back.”

You glare at him as you adjust yourself, “think what you want Buck, but this,” you grunt pointing between the two of you will not happen again,” your pointing a finger at him, “this changes nothing.”

He laughs loudly as you make your way to the door, your pulling it open roughly before your looking over your shoulder, “get dressed Barnes, and wipe that damn smile of your face, you need to pick up James and Winnie.”

His smile only grows wider, “whatever you say dove, whatever you say.”


	7. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst (bit of heartache).
> 
> A/n: Me to myself; girl don’t do it, its not worth it. I’m not gonna do it girl, I’m just thinking about it…
> 
> I DID IT...
> 
> BUT THEN I FIXED IT…

When you arrived home, your mother was waiting for you; a knowing smile pressing onto her lips as she watched your flustered form fall in through the door.

“Don’t mom,” you murmured when your eyes met hers, she raised her hands, a shrug pulling at her shoulders, “I didn’t say anything dove.”

Your eyes turned to slits, “mother,” you hissed, “do not, I cannot deal with this right now,” you murmured.

A smirk tugs at her lips, a groan slipping from yours, “mother,” you warn pointing an accusing finger as you push away from the door.

“What, I didn’t say a th-”

The chime of your doorbell followed by three swift knocks sounds through your home. Your children’s squeal of delight sounding through the house. Winnie and James bypassed you completely as they made a beeline for the door.

You watched as James pulled open the door, Bucky already crouched to their level, a chorus of ‘DADDY’ sounded out, their tiny arms wrapping around their father. The sight alone had your heart aching in your chest. You couldn’t look away as you watched Bucky squeeze his children in his embrace, a kiss pressed to the sides of their head.

You watched as he lifted them up into his arms, his eyes finally meeting yours, “y/n,” he nodded, “ma.”

“I’m glad to see you’re doing well James,” you mother speaks up, “y/n had me worried when she called me and told me what happened, I’m glad you were there to keep her safe.”

You bit back the remark on your tongue, “you don’t have to thank me ma, your daughter is very important to me though I hadn’t done the best job of showing her that before this, but you know I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure nothing, or no one ever causes her or my children harm.”

A warm smile takes over your mother’s face, “oh James, we all make mistakes and as long as we try and right the mistakes, well,” she shrugs her shoulders, “we can only hope to be given a second chance.”

You hold back the scoff bubbling in your lips, “mom why don’t you take Winnie and James to get their bags ready, I’m sure Bucky has many fun things planned for them.”

“of course,” your mother replies, “James, Winnie, let’s go get your things.”

Your children squirm from their fathers grip, tiny feet running at you to wrap their arms around your legs momentarily before they are bolting after their grandmother excitedly.

You hear the soft click of the front door your eyes meeting Bucky’s, “just what the hell are you trying to do Barnes?”

He raises a brow, a tiny hint of a smirk pulling at his lips, “no idea what you’re talking about dove, not doing anything wrong.”

“I see what you’re trying to do Bucky and I’m asking you now to stop, it’ll get you nowhere and you’d be wise to realize that.”

His head tilts to the side, a tsk falling from his lips, “sweetheart the only reason I would get nowhere with you is if I didn’t try, and I told you many times now that I will do whatever it takes to get my family back, I made a mistake, and I’m trying to right my wrongs.”

“It’s funny that you think I’ll even accept your attempts to do so, Bucky you let me feel like there was no love between us for so long, let me feel like a crazy jealous wife when I in fact wasn’t,” you breathed in deeply, “when I told you what happened between us was just sex, that’s all it was, I’m sorry Bucky but I can’t, I can’t let you hurt me again.”

“so that’s it,” he questions, “you’re not even going to give me a chance, let me try and win you and the kids back?”

“look Bucky you’re expecting me to just fall back into your arms right away and that’s not how this is going to work, we are divorced,” you argued, “we can’t just come back from that, I can’t just fall into your arms like I would when we were younger, you hurt me Buck, I - I can’t forgive you right away and I need you to understand that and if you can’t then don’t bother trying to fight for this, for us, for me.”

Bucky is striding forward then, his hands cupping your face, “dove I fought for you then, and I sure as hell am I going to fight for you now, you gave me time y/n, and now I’m going to give you yours, just please,” his head falls to yours, “please don’t give up, no matter how badly you want too.”

A shaky breath leaves your lips, “I don’t know if I can do that Buck, I’m sorry.”

He sighs, hands falling away from you as he hears your children running down the hall, “that’s alright dove, it’s what I deserve.”

And as much as you want to reach out, to tell him something, anything to try and fix this mess that was your life now, you couldn’t, you wouldn’t allow yourself to be weak for him.

Winnie and James are by their father in seconds, eagerness radiating from them, as they bounce in place, “you ready to go,” your children let out a delighted ‘yes’, “go say bye to mom and grandma.”

Your crouching down, your son and daughter colliding into your awaiting arms, “you guys be good for daddy, and if he tells you to do something you listen to him, okay?”

Their nodding their heads, “will you be at grandma Winnies on Saturday for the party momma?”

Your brows furrowed, eyes meeting Bucky’s, “ma is celebrating her birthday early this year since I have the kids on the weekend, she would love to have you all there.”

“count us in,” your mom replies, “it would be nice to catch up with Winnifred!”

You keep your head from snapping towards your mom and unleashing the glare that so badly threatens to contort your face, “well it looks like we will be there,” you murmur, smoothing out your children’s hair, “be good and I’ll call you before bed okay?”

James and Winnie are beaming at you brightly before your sending them in your mothers’ direction. You see Bucky and the kids out with a promise to see them in a day. Your heart only aching further when they drive away from you.

“Do you want to talk about it sweetheart?”

Your eyes turn to your mothers, “what’s there to talk about ma,” you questioned softly, “my whole life is a mess, this whole situation is a damn mess.”

Your mother is wrapping her arms around you, “you know, you always were stubborn like your mother.”

Your brows furrow, “what do you mean?”

“You love that man sweetheart,” she starts, “but I also know that he caused you a lot of hurt, but I can see he’s trying to right those wrongs, the only thing I can’t understand is why you won’t let him?”

“what if he does it again ma, what if I let him in and he does it again, and I’m not talking about another bitch coming into his life, I’m talking about worrying about the job more ma, what if I give in, let myself fall once more, and the job still takes over his life, because that’s what caused all this in the first place, the job meant more to him.”

“sweetheart if that man loves you and those kids, and if he really wants to get the three of you back, then that man knows what he needs to do, you’ve told him already what is expected sweetheart, and you even gave him an out because you know you need time, you’re scared to get hurt again, that much anyone can see.”

“you heard.”

Your mother nodded, “call me nosey,” she laughed, “but like I was saying, no one and I mean no one not even James is going to hold that against you, y/n James fought with your dad tooth and nail to get him to agree to asking for your hand in marriage, I’m not siding with James, nor am I saying he was right, but sweetheart,” your mother sighed, “some men just don’t understand that their actions no matter how well they sound are going to have consequences.”

“what do I do ma?”

Your mother squeezed you a little tighter, “sweetheart that decision has to be up to you, whether you want to let James in or not, that is solely on you, but whatever your decision is in the end, you know your father and I will support you.”

A sigh leaves your lips, you could only hope you’d be making the right decision.

The following evening finds you arriving at the Barnes residence, your mother and father in tow. Winnifred, Winnie, and James greeting you excitedly. A few kind words are shared before your mother and father are whisked off by your children, intent on showing them the bounce house Bucky had rented for them. 

Winnifred pulled away from your embrace, a warm smile on her face as she cupped your cheek, “James said I would see you here today, and I’m glad you came despite everything the way it is.”

Your squeezing her hand, “I wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world ma, you know that.”

“oh sweetheart,” she murmurs pulling you into another tight embrace, “I was so worried what the divorce would do to you and James, you and your family are our family and vice versa, I was worried that it might change.”

You pulled away looking down at her slightly, god Bucky looked so much like his ma, “Winni whatever happens between Bucky and I from here on out, will never, and I mean never tarnish the relationship between me and your family, I promise, your still my ma that won’t ever change.”

Her eyes water slightly, “I’m sorry I couldn’t raise him better y/n, had I just packed him and Rebecca up when I had the chance things would have been different.”

“Your right ma, things would have been different,” you murmured, “I would have never met him, and as badly as he might have gone about things, there’s got to be some hope that he’ll actually fix the things he says he’ll fix.”

“You’re a saint sweetheart, you really are, now come, let’s go head to the back with the others.”

To say that Bucky was surprised to see you would be an understatement, he wasn’t expecting to see you at all today especially with how you two left things yesterday afternoon. But there you were gliding in with his mother through the back gate, he watches you float around interacting with his family, watching you just fit in, you just fit, and god was he such an idiot to mess things up this badly.

He really wishes things were differently, that he hadn’t messed up as bad as he did because seeing you here with his family, with the kids, he just wants to wrap you in his arms, to walk with his arm around you as you talk with the others, but this was on him, he had done this. He also knew that if he wanted to try and fix things, that he needed to try, you might not care for his attempts, but hell if he wasn’t going to try.

He catches you in the kitchen fetching his mother’s cake, “was wondering when you might say hi Barnes,” he offers you a smile.

“Surprised I even had the nerves to do so, I don’t remember it being this hard when we were younger” he chuckles, “but I told you I was going to give you time, and I meant it, I also knew that I needed to show you I was being truthful to my word, you asked me to fight for you, and I’m going too.”

You place the cake down momentarily on the counter, your eyes meeting his, “don’t make me regret this Bucky,” you breathed in, “I’m going to give you just this one chance, just one.”

Bucky perks up slightly at your words, “I promise you dove, you won’t I-”

Your silencing him then, “grab the utensils and napkins will ya.”

Bucky watches you walk out, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, he wouldn’t mess this up, he wouldn’t.

You hadn’t been intent on Bucky keeping his word, but there had definitely been a shift in him since the night of his ma’s birthday celebration a month ago. It had started small, he would have flowers sent to your home, to the docks, hell he even had flowers sent to your ma, and she definitely wasn’t complaining, “tell him to keep them coming,” she had told you one night, “yeah and tell him to throw something in for the father in law too.” your dad had added with a laugh.

But they were just flowers, flowers weren’t actions.

It didn’t stop there though, like you had expected, Bucky had begun to stay a little longer when he picked the kids up for the weekend, there was always a reason for him to linger a little longer with you and the kids in what should have been your shared home, “James I know what you’re trying to do,” you had murmured one afternoon, he looked at you from his spot on the couch, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, “no idea what you’re talking about dove, the kids were insistent on us watching this episode with them, and seeing as we all can’t be together, well.”

“James,” you had warned brow raised, but he shook you off with a squeeze of your hand, his eyes flitting back to the screen.

He had even begun to give you a reason to linger when you picked the kids up from his home, it was always the same reasons, ‘the kids are still packing up their bag, Winnie can’t find her favorite stuffed toy, to the kids just sat down for dinner, why don’t you join us.’

And it was always the same warning tone of his name falling from your lips, “oh come on doll, indulge me, I know you aren’t going to make this easy, but give in a little will ya?”

You’d roll your eyes, a huff of breath falling from your lips, but it would always end the same with the four of you spending the day in each other’s company. You hadn’t realized how often this was happening till one morning, while you were out at the docks, your mother had called with Winnie asking if you could cook her favorite for dinner, you didn’t hesitate to say yes, but what you did hesitate to answer was her request for her father to join the three of you.

Not wanting to upset your daughter, you had promised you would drop by her father’s office since you needed to talk to him about some issues that had been arising on your docks, and that you would ask him then.

Steve is the one to greet you at the office, “is Bucky in Steve,” yeah he’s with someone right now, but you can just knock.”

You gave him a smile, before moving down the hall to Bucky’s office, you gave a quick knock a ‘come in’ sounding from inside.

You pushed the office door open, your form freezing just inside the entryway, “y/n dove,” Bucky greeted, your eyes flitted between him and the brunette.

You were sure it was nothing, but the image of Lorraine reared its ugly head and you couldn’t, “it seems you’re busy, I’ll come back another time,” you replied with a tight lipped smile, “actually,” you added, “when you’re done here will you give my ma a call Winnie had a question for you.”

You don’t give him a chance to reply as you waltzing back out the door shutting behind you as you try to contain yourself from storming down the hall.

You’ve barley made it down the hall when his office door is opening his voice calling out your name, “y/n, sweetheart wait,” you stop mid stride jaw clenching as you try and contain yourself.

He appears in front of you, eyes searching yours and he knows, “now y/n,” but your holding up a hand, “it’s fine Buck really you’re obviously busy, I can get in contact you with another day,” you reply trying to move around him but he blocks you.

“hey please don’t do that.”

“do what Bucky, I need to get home, and you were obviously busy with that woman, so you should go back,” you murmur.

A smile tugs at his lips, “her names Dolores, and she’s one of the new hires for my docks, I was just going over paperwork with her.”

“not that I needed to know that -”

“but you did,” he cuts you off, “y/n I see that fire inside of you, you look about ready to go pummel the hell out of the woman in my office right now.”

“whatever Barnes, look I need to go get the kids from my parents, and you obviously have work that needs to be taken care of.” god you really hated the jealousy lacing your tone.

“what was it that Winnie needed,” he questioned completely ignoring your statement.

A sigh left your lips, “she requested her favorite for dinner tonight, but she also requested your presence.”

Agrin tugs at his lips, “I’d love to, say wait here,” he replies fingers tapping your cheek as he moves to head back to his office.

You turn your head, “what are you doing?”

His eyes meet yours grin turning warm, “I’m going to close my office and go with you.”

Your heart jumps in your chest, “James you don’t have to its fine I can tell Winnie you’ll be by later really I-”

His hand cups your cheek, “dove I’m not only doing this for Winnie, I’m doing it for you too, give me a minute, let me just close my office.”

You want to argue, but you let him go, watching as he opens the office door, Dolores face falling slightly as he speaks to her. He doesn’t give her a chance to say anything if she was as he ushers her out of his office, her eyes glaring you down as she walks past you.

A scoff leaves your lips as walks past you, “I would keep your women on a tighter leash James,” you speak up.

Bucky chuckles, hand falling to your back, “didn’t know you were into things like that dove.”

Your eyes snap to his as he walks the two of you down the hall, “excuse me?”

He waves to Steve pushing the door open his eyes meeting yours, “you said to keep my women on a tighter leash and the only women here that’s mine is you, so.”

Another chuckle falls from his lips, “come on dove, let’s go get our kids.” he adds arm wrapping around your shoulder as he leads you to your car.


	8. Real Eyes Realize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: feels; is that a thing? because it is here.
> 
> A/n: This one was my most favorite to write, I don’t know man, there was just something about the emotions i had to portray that was like ugh my heart. I’m sorry I’m hyping myself and my work up but I really am so happy with this chapter, the words came so easily, and ugh i’ll stop! I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always happy readings angels!

Your phone trilled on your desk for what felt like the millionth time this past week, a heavy sigh fell from your lips, head falling to your hand as you heard the noisy device continue to go off in your quiet office. You knew he wouldn’t stop; he would call all day till you finally answered only to have you utter two words and hang up, then it would start again. 

The trill quieted, vibration on your desk stopping for a second before it was going off again. A growl tore from your lips as you picked up the persistent device pressing the button as you brought the device to your ear, “stop calling Barnes,” you growled.

“Not Barnes,” came Steve’s voice, you rolled your eyes, “what do you want Steven, you call to get your boss out of the shit he put himself in?”

Steve chuckled lightly, “no actually he put himself there, I’ll let him get himself out,” he replied.

“So then why are you calling?”

“Was wondering if he had dropped by your place at all, he had mentioned he was going to get you to talk to him one way or another, and he’s needed for the meeting with the heads, but I can’t get ahold of him.”

“shit that’s right we have a meeting to go over cargo,” you glanced down at your watch you had thirty minutes, “sorry steven but I haven’t-”

Your eyes turned to slits, “how did you get into the house,”

“uh y/n, I’m not in the house,” came Steve’s reply, you rolled your eyes, “not you Stevie, m’talking about your boss, who’s leaning against my office doors as if he runs the place,” you grunted out.

Bucky jaw was clenched, eyes glowering, “I’ll have James and I there in a few minutes Steve,” you added, before you were hanging up the phone, leaning back into your chair.

“So you’ll answer Steve but you won’t answer me,” he questions feet pushing off the doorway.

You rolled your eyes, “I’ll have you know I only answered so that I could tell you what I’ve been telling you the past two weeks you’ve called, to ‘stop calling’, had no idea Steve was calling for you.”

“now dove -”

“oh fuck off with the Dove already,” you hissed, “you think every time the word spills from your lips that I’ll just be putty in your hands” you questioned, “well I’m sorry but it doesn’t work that way Barnes, not anymore.”

Bucky sighed deeply, fingers rubbing at his eyes momentarily, “y/n, I’m trying to fix this and the minute I make one mistake you’re ready to shove me right out, I’m trying here,” he argued.

“and I’m trying too,” you hissed, “trying to keep myself and our kids from getting hurt Bucky, and somehow you still manage to do just that, hurt us.”

“Y/n if you would just give me a few minutes-”

“No Bucky,” you murmured pushing to your feet, collecting your blazer from the back of your chair, collecting your phone and keys from the desk. “I’ve given you plenty of time before this, and it never served me any well, so I’m sorry to say but I don’t want to hear the excuse you have ready for me about why you couldn’t see your children for the past two weeks.”

“Y/n I was away for work, I was bringing in newer shipment for us,” he tried.

You shook your head with a laugh, “it seems the cycle never ends with you Barnes,” his brows are furrowing as you come to stand close to him. “Think about what you just said, think about the argument you just gave me as to why you couldn’t see Winnie and James, work,” you answered, “it’s always work with you.”

You move past him but a hand around your wrist holds you back from moving any further, “I’m doing this for us, y/n I went there for us, why can’t you see that,” and you know he’s desperate, you know he’s been trying, he has been for the last month, but he still doesn’t see it fully.

You glance at him over your shoulder removing your wrist from his hold, “You really think the cargo matters to me or the kids,” you questioned, “is the cargo going to play with the kids, is the cargo going to be there for us, no James it’s not.” You sighed, “As much as I know what this life asks of us Bucky, it’s not my whole world, you and the kids are, if I had to choose between going to choose out newer cargo, or spending time with my family, I’d choose you and the kids a thousand times over, this life isn’t everything for me Bucky.”

Bucky’s breath is caught in his chest, at your words, “and that’s why I’m upset, I’m upset that you yet again chose work over us and it’s not so much me, I can handle it, have been handling it for so long, it’s the kids, Winnie was so upset for the past two weeks, she was almost inconsolable.”

Bucky’s face falls, “y/n I’m -”

You hold a hand up, “You have to see how this affects them Bucky, they go from getting you for days on end over the course of about two months and then you suddenly drop away for two weeks, they were scared they’d lost you all over.”

“I would never,” he tries, but you shake your head, “well they don’t know that Buck,” you took in a breath as you contemplated your next words, “they’re just as scared as I am of losing you again.”

Bucky stumbles slightly at your words, he hadn’t heard right had he, you hadn’t just said what he thought you had. 

His late reaction to your words, has you moving forward, “Let’s go Barnes the other heads will have our heads for being so late.”

He wants to stop you, to sit down and talk with you, but he lets you go, lets you lead, and he follows. He corners you on the drive over there, fingers finding yours squeezing, “you won’t lose me you know; I should have told you about work, let you and the kids know I was leaving but I got caught up, and I’m sorry y/n.”

Your eyes still won’t meet his, gaze fixed on the streets ahead, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to Buck,” you murmur.

His fingers are squeezing again, “yeah but I hurt you dove, and while you say it doesn’t matter to you, I know it does, so I’m sorry, I’ll try not to make the same mistake twice.”

Your eyes finally meet, his, “I need actions, buck, not words.”

Bucky’s hand is on your back as he guides you down the hall to the meeting room, “Ah y/n, James, so nice of you to finally join us,” Tony greets, eyes twinkling.

“don’t get your panties in a twist Stark, but if you must know I had to wrangle James in,” you murmured as you moved towards him to press a kiss to his cheek.

“all is forgiven dove,” he grins over he glasses, “watch it stark,” Bucky grits out hand still on your back.

“James,” you murmur, leaning over to give parker a squeeze on the shoulder, “didn’t scare you too much did they,” you questioned.

Peters eyes met yours a humorous glint to them, “it’s getting better every meeting, can’t say that for Loki though,” he chuckles softly.

“Odison,” you speak up “Loki really must be nicer to Parker here, he’s already past introductions”

Thunderous laughter fills the room, “oh lady y/n, you know Loki means no harm, he just likes to play.”

You raised a brow, “I’ve seen him play Thor, either he stops scaring the poor boy or I’ll have to play his game, and you know I don’t play nice.”

Loki raises a brow this time, watching as you move over to them last, you give Thor a squeeze, moving over to do the same to Loki though he lingers, “I’d love to play with you y/n, I think you’d find that I can leave you quite blissed out.”

You give Loki a quick squeeze before your turning in Bucky’s hold pushing him back slightly hand grasping the one that reaches for Thor’s brother, your raising a brow, “he’s harmless Buck, go sit with Steve.”

“yes, Barnes I’m quite harmless, but for y/n,” that earns him a pinch to his arm, “stop while you have the chance Loki,” you murmur.

“alright children,” tony speaks up clasping his hands together, “shall we get to the actual matter at hand, y/n will Cain be joining us this morning.”

You gave him your best glare from where you took your spot next to Peter, “really Stark, never knew you to be one to hit below the belt, have to say I’m a little disappointed.”

“Oh come on dove, least I’m not hurting you like Barnes over there,” he grins, eyes staring Bucky down.

Your brows furrowed, “Tony, enough, that was quite unnecessary, I don’t believe this meeting was called for that reason, so if you will.”

Tony raises a brow, “you’re really going to defend him, after what he’s put you through, what he’s made you lose?”

Your head tilts to the side, lips set in a thin line, “I don’t believe that is something that concerns you Stark, now either you move along with this meeting or we can reschedule, the cargo you all are after can wait.”

Tony tilts his head to the side index finger rubbing against his lower lip, “Barnes has put us all in quite the predicament with his little stunt he pulled with Rumlow, word is going to get out and we are sure to have problems because of it.”

“Barnes did us all a favor Stark,” you ground out, “Rumlow was the scum of this entire business, and Lorraine was one of them as well, the only reason you’re upset is because he’s the one you would get cargo from isn’t that right?”

His face pales slightly, “don’t think I wasn’t aware you liked to play dirty Stark, you’re not the saint everyone thinks you are, and it would be wise for you to find your spot rather quickly, I may play nice, but you know I don’t always.”

Tony huffs, “wow y/n quite two faced aren’t we,” he murmurs.

“learned it from the best Stark, now if you will,” you gestured to the table, “I don’t have all the time in the world to be bickering with a couple of children, no offense peter,” you added.

“none taken,” he coughs out sinking into his seat slightly.

“well gentleman,” Tony speaks up again an edge to his voice, “you heard the lady, lets talk numbers shall we.”

Its later that evening that your finally in the comfort of your own home, the stress and tension from earlier slowly dissipating as you watch Winnie stir the pot of macaroni, James swinging his legs wildly on the counter next to you.

“Mommy does daddy not like having dinner with us anymore?” James questioned quietly.

Your eyes met his fingers grabbing a hold of his small chin, “no baby daddy loves spending time with you guys, it’s just work and uncle Steve have him a little busy right now that’s why he couldn’t come out tonight when you called him earlier.”

A pout kisses both of your children’s lips and the anger from earlier, tugs at you;

_“y/n would you please just wait, let me figure something out here please,” he pleads._

_You shake your head, as you stride out the office to your car, “why bother Bucky, we all know what you’re going to choose in the end, you couldn’t even give James an answer, when he asked you if you’d come to dinner.”_

_“Dolores can’t do cargo, just give me some time, and I’ll be there!”_

_“bullshit she can’t do cargo Bucky, then why did you hire her if she couldn’t do cargo inventory,” you hummed in question, “she’s just trying to get you alone Barnes, you really don’t see the way she looks at you?”_

_“y/n, please, don’t-”_

_“don’t what Bucky,” you questioned, “don’t start, don’t make this another Lorraine situation, don’t what?”_

_“Dove please,” he pleads, but your shaking your head, “I’ll tell the kids you won’t be coming tonight, go take care of your dame,” you muttered._

“Mommy okay,” cam Winnies quiet voice.

You glanced down at your daughter, a smile pulling at your lips, “yeah baby mommy’s o-”

The doorbell sounds through your home, your brows furrowing as you grab James off the counter, fingers clicking off the stove. James and Winnie are racing to the door, “babes, wait let mommy get the door,” but their tiny hands are pulling it open their shout of “daddy” stopping you mid stride.

You watch Winnie and James leap into their father’s arms, Bucky pushing to his feet with one on each hip, your brows are furrowed as you watch him step in.

“what are you doing here James,” you glance at the watch on your wrist, “shouldn’t you be receiving shipment?”

“Steves re-training Dolores for me, I had somewhere more important to be.”

“James I don’t want you here because of what I said I-”

“I’m not here because of what you said,” he cuts you off, “I’m here because I want to be,” he replies squeezing the kids once, twice, before he’s placing them down on the floor, their bodies moving over to you in excitement.

“daddy came mommy, daddy actually came,” James squeals in delight, eyes trained on Bucky as he moves over to the three of you, you run a hand over his hair, “I see that baby, why don’t you and sissy go wash up so we can sit down for dinner?”

You watch as your children race down the hall, your eyes flitting back over to Bucky seconds later, “I know you’re surprised I’m here but I told you I was going to try y/n, you’ve given me plenty of time, and now it’s time I gave you yours.”

A sigh leaves your lips as you look away from him, “what are you expecting this to fix Bucky?”

His fingers find your chin pulling your gaze back to him, “I don’t expect it to fix anything dove, I’m just trying to do right by you and the kids, then hopefully worm my way back into your heart if you’ll let me.” he smiles.

He breathes in thumb brushing over your cheek, “I know I’ve asked this of you one to many times, and never came through for you, but,” a pause, “let me take you and the kids somewhere.”

A scoff leaves your lips, and you want to pull away from him but he holds you there, “tomorrow morning, let me take you and the kids somewhere just the four of us, no phones, no work, no interruptions just us.”

“Buck,” you warn.

“I have everything paid for,” your brows furrow, “all you have to do Is say yes.”

Your lips part, but before you can get a word out your children are running back down the hall, Buckys fingers squeezing your face softly, “think about it over dinner dove,” he murmurs, before he’s moving away from you and lunging at the kids.

Delightful laughter filling your ears as he swoops them up in his arms, your head turning at the sound of your sons voice, your eyes find the three of them around the dinner table, Bucky holding your chair open, an open invitation, “you coming,” he questions a look in his eye that tells you he’s not gesturing just to joining them at the table.

You breathe in a breath, “yes.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: feels.
> 
> A/n: So this chapter is a bit of filler, just a little bit. Alright y’all so i need your input here, for those that read the author’s note, how do you all feel about the next two to three chapters being about there trip? Obviously there’s going to be fluff, some more fluff, a pinch of sexual tension and possibly a steamy smutty scene. So if you do read this, pls, pls let me know what you all think about that! Also I’m really excited for this chapter like with all my work and i hope you all enjoy this one, happy readings angels!

“you’re sure this is something you want to do sweetheart, you know you can very well tell him no, to just take the kids, I’m sure he wouldn’t be upset.”

You sighed hands stilling on the clothes laid out on the bed, “what is it sweetheart?”

“Is it bad that I want to give him a chance ma, is it bad that I want him to prove himself to me as well?”

Your mother tucked the shirt away into the suitcase, before moving over to you, hand falling to your shoulder, “absolutely not sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you wanting James to prove himself to you and the kids, I know he has been there very recently for the past month with you and the kids, so I know you must be feeling a certain way.”

A frustrated sigh leaves your lips, head falling slightly, your mother’s chest aches for you, “I’m just scared ma, I’m scared I’m going to open my heart to him again, and be set up for hurt, just because he’s turned a page doesn’t mean he’s going to -” your words die on your tongue.

Your mothers hand runs up and down your arm comfortingly, “Sweetheart, James is going to slip-up and I’m sure he’s going to make mistakes, but if you’ll allow yourself to hear it, he’s trying, I see that he’s trying.” Your eyes meet your mother’s, “I’m scared mom.”

“Oh baby,” she coo’s, “come here,” she murmurs tugging you into her arms, her lips pressing to your head when you cave in, your arms wrapping tightly around her.

A shuddering breath leaves your lips, “I just wanted to be half the wife and mother that you were ma, I always looked up to you and dad, and I thought I had that with Bucky, I wanted to have that so badly with him.” 

Your mother squeezes you tighter, “no relationship is without its struggles sweetheart, and while you and Bucky have gone through one of the most trying ones, I do believe you can find your way back to one another, if it’s something you want” she adds rubbing your back softly, “and don’t you ever think that you aren’t an amazing mother to your children, or that you weren’t the best wife to James, because sweetheart, you have done an amazing job.” Another kiss to the side of your head, “you’re more than I could have ever hoped you’d be my love.”

A wet laugh leaves your lips, “why is it that you always know exactly what to say,” you question, head pulling away from her warmth to meet her eyes.

Soft fingers run under your eye, “because im your ma, and your ma is always going to know best, just like only you will know what’s best for you and the kids,” she murmurs softly hand patting your cheek lovingly.

“I love you; you know that right,” you smile through the tears in your eyes, your mother grins, “you better, now c’mon let’s get you packed up.”

It’s later that night when you’re tucked into the sheets of your bed, bags packed, that the quietness of the house settles heavy in your bones. Sleep nearly pulling you under, nearly; a tired groan falls from your lips as your phone trills on your nightstand. Rolling over slightly, you reach for your phone, the sleep in your eyes washing away as you look at the caller ID, your swiping the screen immediately, pressing the phone to your ear.

“Are James and Winnie okay?!”

A soft chuckle meets your ear, a low voice following, “they’re fine dove, they’re asleep.”

Oh.

“so then why are you calling at such a late hour Buck,” there’s a pause before he speaks up, “haven’t changed your mind about coming out with us have you?”

You roll your eyes, “I can just unpack mine and the kids suitcases right now if you’d like,” you murmur.

Another chuckle meets your ears, “I’m just making sure is all, see there’s been a change of plans -”

“James,” you warn, “it’s not what you’re thinking dove, give me a chance before you tear my head off will ya?”

A huff leaves your lips, “go on,” you mutter, “see the kids were really excited for the trip that we left a little earlier and well, you’re not afraid of flying alone are you,” he questions.

“James Barnes,” you scold, “why didn’t you tell me the kids wanted to go earlier, I would have packed us up quicker, and I would have-”

“Hey relax sweetheart, that’s the last thing I want you to do right now is stress, look listen tomorrow morning Steve and Peggy are going to meet you at your place, the three of you will catch the jet and meet us here.”

“Peggy and Steve are coming,” you questioned, “but why did you ask if I was afraid of flying alone then?”

“didn’t want you to get upset,” is his answer, “and well I owe Peggy and Steve a lot for helping so much with everything going on right now, I really hope you don’t mind.”

A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth, “of course I wouldn’t mind but I wish you would have said something sooner Buck.”

He goes quiet for a while, “is that something I should work on?”

Now you’re the one going quiet, your mother’s words ringing in your ears, ‘James is going to slip-up and I’m sure he’s going to make mistakes, but if you’ll allow yourself to hear it, he’s trying.’

“Dove?”

“s-sorry uh, no Buck, that’s fine, just maybe next time keep in mind that I would like to know about your change in plans.”

“I’ll keep that noted sweetheart,” a breath, “well I should let you go y/n, you need your rest, the kids and I will see you tomorrow.

Your both sharing quiet goodbyes into the night, the line clicking quietly in your ear, you let the phone fall from your hand to the sheets, your body turning on its side, facing the empty side of the bed. For a second you let yourself see him there, hand reaching out for you, a warm smile on his face before your shaking the image into distortion.

“Get yourself together y/n,” you breathe, eyes slipping shut.

You couldn’t understand it, your pillows had been fluffed, temperature just right throughout your room yet you had still been restless through the night. Your rising in the early morning, with a groan of annoyance falling from your lips because it is much too early for this, much, much to early. A lingering sleep sits behind your eyes, as your sat on the edge of your bed, body shrunk in on itself as you let yourself wake.

You hadn’t gotten yourself together at all last night after fixing up the image of Bucky in your bed, he had ended up in your dreams leaving you restless through the night. But that’s what your nights had become, sleep was now a fleeting chore, you just couldn’t get comfortable enough without his warmth by your side and even with the divorce, that still hadn’t changed, you doubted it ever would.

Forcing yourself from your bed, you grabbed the clothes that you had set apart last night that you would wear for the trip out. A splash of water to your face and a change of clothes had you feeling somewhat rejuvenated, but you’re sure a quick cup of coffee would do the job, if only to get you through the jet ride.

Your pulling yours and the kids’ luggage through the hall when the doorbell goes off through your home, ‘coming’ you yell out as you carry your things through the house to the door. Dropping the luggage off to the side your pulling open the door, Peggy’s arms are around you in an instant, “oh I’ve missed you so much,” she grins.

You give her a tight squeeze your hand reaching out to give Steve’s a squeeze, “you nervous for the fly out,” he questions with a telling smirk.

“ugh,” you groaned pulling away from Peggy’s embrace, “don’t remind me, you know how I feel about that thing, still can’t believe Bucky managed to purchase one.”

“Well we were just surprised as you,” Steve laughed, “you ready to go though, we’re looking at about a 13hr flight.”

Your eyes widened, “13-hour flight,” you screeched, “wh- where exactly is Bucky taking us?!”

Steve grinned moving past you to grab your bags, “trust me you won’t be disappointed in the slightest when we arrive.”

Your eyes are flitting over to Peggy, “he’s not wrong,” she murmured, “Bucky really did want to whisk his little family away from everything and this is the perfect place to get lost, maybe rekindle that flame.”

“Peggy,” you gasped, smacking her arm lightly, “what she teased, its possible,” she shrugged, “you never know, now come on Steve will get the bags and lock up let’s get to the car.”

“So neither of you are going to tell me where it is we are going you questioned, you’re really going to let me suffer through a 13 hr flight?

Steve glanced at you through the mirror a chuckle spreading his lips, “you can keep asking y/n, but our answer is always going to be the same.”

Your roll your eyes, huffing as you slide further into the leathered seat, “yeah, yeah a surprise.”

Peggys laughing now, “oh c’mon y/n,” she exclaims excitedly as she turns in her chair, it’s going to be so much fun, I think we all need a getaway such as this, besides don’t worry Steve and I will be there the entire ride, and you’ll see we’ll be there in no time, just think of seeing James and Winnie,” she adds.

Your nodding your head, though dread fills you steadily as Steve pulls into the station, the sleek white metal screaming back at you, waiting.

“anyway I can back out of this?” you question as the car draws closer.

“not a chance y/n, Buck and the kids are anxiously awaiting your arrival,” Steve answers bringing the car to a park.

A low groan falls from your lips, heart racing in your chest as you force yourself from the vehicle. No matter how salubrious the furnishings inside the airplane were, to you it would never be more then a flying metal tube that Bucky had purchased at random one day. _“Going to take you and the kids to special places in this one day dove.”_

Peggy’s coming up to your side once more, her arm intertwining with yours, “you ready,” she questions, “your eyes move away from the plane ahead, “would you believe me if I said I was?”

“Not a chance,” she laughs, “but hey I’m here with you, though I’m sure you would have preferred Bucky more.”

“Peggy,” you groan, “will you drop that already.”

She brings a finger to her chin, “maybe once we land, but for now as long as Bucky is not in our presence, I’ll tease you about it as much as possible, I love seeing your cheeks flame red,” she coos, reaching a hand over to pat your cheeks.

You shove at her lightly, but she still manages to pull a chuckle from you, “c’mon ladies, our destination awaits, us,” Steve calls out, bags being loaded into the carrier.

You take in a deep breath, “well here goes nothing,” you murmur, letting Peggy lead you to the plane.

Take off had never been an easy thing for you, it always left you unsettled, it was only when the wing broke through the clouds that you had let yourself relax, eyes gazing out the clear window. The early morning light becomes more brilliant, clouds shining like nascent snow, stretching to the horizon. It was absolutely breath taking.

“how you doing y/n,” you hear Steve’s voice, your eyes meet his, “doing better now, how much longer,” you question with a teasing tone. He plays along eyes glancing down at his watch, “about 12 hr 59 minutes.”

“oh goody, almost there!”

Soft laughter fills the cabin, “well we better settle in, jet lag is sure to be rough, and with the sights of our destination we aren’t going to want to miss a thing.”

A little less than 13 hours later and you’re being stirred awake by the sound of the pilot’s voice, you rub at your eyes, Peggy’s similar tired eyes meeting yours, “girls look out the window,” comes Steves awed voice.

Your getting a quick glance at Steve before your eyes are moving over to the window your breath catching in your throat, “he didn’t,” you murmur, “and your eyes are meeting Steve’s a bright smile already painted on his face.

“told you it would be worth the surprise.”

The pilot couldn’t land you quick enough, you wanted off this damned metal tin can, wanted your feet to touch the magical floors of Greece.

The touch down is always a little easier than take off, but feels just as rough, Steve and Peggy are off the plane first, your feet trailing you in close behind them. You’ve barely made it halfway down the steps when you hear their voices ring through the air.

You glance up in the morning sun, to see Winnie and James bolting at you, but your sights aren’t set on them, there set on the man running up behind them.

Peggy bumps into your side, “close you mouth love, you might swallow a fly,” she teases.

You huff but drop halfway to the ground arms open and at the ready, you can’t grab them quick enough, or hold them tight enough.

Your children are talking in a rushed tone all about the magic that awaits you, and yet again you find yourself being distracted by the man nearing you, he blocks your light as he steps close enough embracing Steve and Peggy. 

You grab a tight hold on your children as you hoist them onto your hip, knees pushing you back up, your eyes meet his, “you cut your hair,” you murmur.

And he’s laughing, the sound resonating within you, “it was time for a change,” he murmurs, “trying to grab a hold of the reigns of my life and make better choices for you and the kids.”

Your heart clenches in your chest, “it suits you, you look good.” Oh but he looked much more than just good.

He smiles, “shall we get going, we have quiet a few places to visit.”

Agreement is heard all around as Bucky and Steve send you and peggy off to the car with the kids, its when shes sure the two of you are out of ear shot that shes leaning in, “I smell romance in the air,” she grins.

“peggy!”


	10. I'd Give You Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fluff, teasing, bedsharing (oh no c;)
> 
> A/n: We’ve finally hit the halfway mark! So the next three chapters will be focusing on there little getaway and me and our semi problematic Bucket trying to make amends and bring these two together, you all excited?! As always i hope you enjoy this chapter and happy readings angels!

Tucked away into the back of the sleek black sedan your eyes were trained on the window, the sights were absolutely breathtaking and that’s because it was all a blur from the moving vehicle.

“it’s beautiful isn’t it?”

You struggle to pull your eyes away, a chuckle leaving his lips when your eyes finally meet, your eyes sincere, “its breathtaking Buck, how did you manage to get this all together, surely it wasn’t easy with such a small-time frame.”

A soft smile tugs at his lips as he dips in a little closer, “had this planned for over a year now,” your breath catches in your throat, “a year,” you question, “but that would mean -”

He’s nodding his head softly a look of disappointment flashing behind his eyes, “I know, I know I’m horrible, and the thing is I didn’t realize how bad I had let it get till the lady I was booking the hideaway houses with asked if I would be calling a week later to hold off on the reservation again,” he’s shaking his head eyes falling away from yours, “I’m so sorry dove, I can’t believe I let it get this bad, how could I not realize in that moment what I was doing to you and the kids, how did I let myself get so wound up in the job, I became the same person I told myself i refused to be like, I became my dad.”

Your heart clenches in your chest, and you don’t stop yourself as your hands reach out for his squeezing, “at least you came through now buck, that’s what matters, besides,” you add, “you’re trying to grab hold of the reigns of your life and make better choices, I’m not going to hold that against you.”

His eyes meet yours, “I don’t deserve you, you know,” he murmurs, his eyes trailing to the middle seat where Steve and Peggy sit, Winnie and James talking animatedly with them, “I don’t deserve either of you,” his eyes meet yours and your fingers squeeze. 

“well that’s not your decision to make, James and Winnie those are your babies, you’re their whole world,” you reply, “so whether you think you deserve them or not, you have them Buck, they aren’t going anywhere for a long time.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “and what about their ma, how does their ma feel?”

Your returning his smile, you consider your next words carefully before your leaning closer shoulder brushing against his, “like I want you to keep trying for your family,” a breath, “to keep trying for me.”

Bucky’s breath catches in his throat, words dying on his tongue, your squeezing his fingers a little more eyes drifting back to the window, he’s just as surprised as you are when your fingers remain tangled with his.

Santorini Greece; a mix of towering cliffs, inky waters, and whitewashed villages, you were truly in a breathtakingly magical place, and you didn’t think three days would be enough for you.

“can this place get any more - ugh Peggy help I can’t find the words,” you murmured as the driver pulled to a stop, your body glued to the window.

Peggy laughed as she leaned over Steve, “I don’t think I have the words either,” she murmurs in awe eyes gazing over the courtyard, she’s looking over the seat a second later, “Barnes where did you find these houses,” she questions, “god Steve can we just live here for the rest of forever?”

Steve chuckled, “how about we get off and look around I think I need a little more convincing before I make a decision like that.”

The six of you are piling off the car rather quickly James and Winnies hands in yours as they bounce around excitedly in place, your eyes taking in the gorgeous scenery before you.

A quite unexpectedly pretty courtyard laid with round volcanic pebbles centered on an emerald green plunge pool, fringed with potted pink geraniums greets you. Inviting sunbeds, a huge hammock, glimpses of whitewashed roofs lay in the back of it all; the soft sounds of trickling water kissing your ear.

A hand falls to your back, “you want to take the bags in, we have a special place to visit today,” you look over your shoulder slightly eyes meeting Bucky’s, “special place,” you question, “is this place itself not special enough?”

He grins before he’s dipping down to the children’s level, “let’s go show mommy, uncle Steve and aunt Peggy the house so we can go.” 

Theres no warning except for that of your children’s delightful squeals as they eagerly pull you forward, “les go, les go, hurry mommy hurry!” Your laughing as you struggle to keep up with the persistent tugging of your arms.

Upon entering the home, you feel yourself falling back slightly, though your children’s hands keep you grounded. “Jesus,” you breathe, “what in the world did daddy have to pay for this?”

“It cost a pretty penny,” came his voice, “but for you three, there is no price on what I would pay to see you happy,” his words lodge a knot in your throat and it takes everything in you to not look over your shoulder away from the picturesque view.

He appears by your side seconds later hands grabbing at James as he hoists him onto his hip, “Bucky this is too much,” you murmur, eyes sliding over the details in the home, “but goodness is it beautiful too look at.”

His finger knocks against your cheek, “not quite as beautiful as you,” he grins catching you off guard.

He’s moving forward, then, “come on you haven’t seen anything yet,” he calls over his shoulder, your frozen in place as you watch him glide through the house, James giggling in his arms.

“guarantee by the end of this trip the two of you are going to inseparable.”

Your eyes snap to Steve who is absolutely gleaming, “I give it by the end of the night,” Peggy adds throwing you a wink, arm wrapping around Steve’s.

“don’t you start,” you hiss, but a smile tugs at your lips, “nothing is going to happen tonight, or by the end of this trip, now shush, and lets go see the rest of the house,” you murmur letting Winnie pull you after her father and brother.

“I can’t wait to rub it in her face once we get home,” Peggy murmurs watching you follow after Bucky, “you and me both sweetheart, you and me both,” Steve laughs pressing a kiss to her head the two of them moving after you.

You were in awe as you moved through the house, there was just too much to take in as you moved through the lavish space. From the larger courtyard laid with the same black pebbles with a raised plunge pool at the end. To the large and extravagant suite downstairs; a white vaulted canava reminiscent of a Cycladic chapel, with a groovily curved bed base in grey polished cement, along with a huge tub in its adjoining bathroom. 

“okay three days is definitely not going to be enough for me to enjoy this space,” you murmured letting Winnies hand slip from yours as she ran from the room to join Steve, Peggy and James who offered to show them their room and to show them the room they would be sleeping in “it has a nice view auntie,” you had heard Winnie chirp.

“If you want to extend the stay you just have to say the word,” your turning to look at Bucky, and your shaking your head a laugh falling from your lips, “oh how I wish we could, but you know that’s not possible, our lives are busy James, your life is busy.”

He’s moving closer to you, your breath hitching as you really take him in, fingers itching to run through his recently cut locks, “dove I know you still don’t trust me, and your scared to let yourself give into my words,” he sighs hands reaching out for your and you let him, “baby I get it, I get all of it, and while I can’t ask you for any more time, and I surely shouldn’t ask you to trust my word seeing how many times I went back on it, im asking you for a chance.”

“Bucky I-” your saying with a tilt of your head,

“believe me when I say, if you asked me to extend this vacation, hell to move you and the kids here for the rest of forever dove I would do that in a heartbeat, I would do it for you.”

This time you give in to temptation, fingers falling away from his as you let them drag and curl through his hair, “I want to let you in buck, I really do,” you begin, “but this is why I told you, if you’re willing to give me time, to put up with me holding you at arm’s length then please fight for me, but if not, if at any minute your willing to just go back to old ways I need you to stop now, I don’t want the kids to get hurt I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

“I’m not going anywhere, and I hope us having to share a bed tonight isnt going to have you running,” he smiles.

You raised a brow finger still in his hair, “damn and here I thought you’d be sleeping with the kids,” he’s laughing while you struggle to not show the sheer panic welling in your chest, you had forgotten, hadn’t even thought of the possibility of sharing a bed with Bucky.

“shall we see the rest of the house, the driver should be back in a few minutes to take us to our first destination and I’m sure you’re going to need to sort through your things to pack a lighter bag for where we’re going.”

Your fingers are moving through his hair again, a smirk tugging at his lips, “and where are we going?”

“get moving and you’ll find out,” he replies, “besides you’ll have all the time in the world tonight to run your fingers through this hair.”

By the time you had seen the rest of the house you had decided this is where you would love to live for the rest of forever. There was a peacefulness surrounding you as you sorted a small bag for you and the kid’s fingers sorting and putting clothes into the pack.

You could hear the children squealing in delight outside with Bucky and Steve playful threats of being thrown in the pool sounding through the home. A smile tugs at your lips as you gather the bag, and towels, “I recognize that smile,” your eyes snap up to see Peggy lingering In the doorway.

You raise a brow as you cross the room to her, “don’t start carter,” she laughs throwing her arm over your shoulder as you draw closer, “ooo using carter instead of rogers I’m in for it now.”

“Seriously pegs,” you laugh elbowing her side, “you need to stop insisting somethings going to happen I’m just trying to have fun with all of you and the kids, I’m trying to enjoy the moment.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that babe, but there’s also nothing wrong with letting yourself enjoy him either.”

“Peggy!” you groan, “what is it with you and not dropping it?”

She shrugs her shoulders as the two of you watch bucky and Steve play with the kids, “he misses you, you know,” she starts, “and I guess that’s why I’m teasing you so much about it, because whether you’d like to admit it or not, I’m sure you miss him as well, and I know your smitten for that man especially with that haircut.”

You sigh, “look at him Peggy who wouldn’t be smitten with a man like Bucky.”

“well good thing Bucky only has eyes for one woman, and one woman only,” you’re looking at her and she’s smiling, “you.”

You don’t get to answer her as she calls out to the others, Winnie and James running from the men straight into your arms.

They’re squealing wildly as Bucky and Steve draw closer, tiny body flailing in your arms as the men advance on them quickly fingers skimming their bodies, laughter peeling through the air, “oh my goodness enough,” peggy laughs, “leave the poor babies alone and lets go have some fun, the car’s out front.”

Kamari Beach; Bucky had decided your first destination would be beach resort Kamari. It was an absolutely breathtaking sight; you had never seen anything quite like this beach, you were sure it had to do with the black ‘sand’ that spread out vastly through the area.

Winnie and James could hardly contain themselves as they bolted from your hold, making a beeline straight for the water’s edge, childish screams filling your ears as the cold water lapped at their toes.

“Well the kids already have us beat, let’s go you slow pokes put those bags down and let’s get in that water!”

Laughter fell from the group’s lips at Steve’s excitement, you’ve barely had your bag down before you were being called out to the water. “There’s no time to waste!”

You follow the group, the cool water lapping at your feet as you draw close, water fizzing and bubbling like brine, the sun warming your skin, beaming brightly in your eyes. You can’t help but smile as the wind caresses your face, waves roaring as they roll down crashing onto the shore with a soft hiss. 

“come on dove, last one in is a rotten egg,” Bucky beams hand extended out towards you without hesitation you grab a hold of his hand, plunging into the blue-green water. Time was ticking by as you plowed through the waters with your family, squeals of laughter sounding through the air, as you relished in the moments. There were times where you found yourself stilling in the water, watching Bucky swing Winnie and James through the waves, eyes occasionally catching sight of Steve and Peggy wallowing through the waters a little further off.

“mommy, mommy, save me, save me,” Winnie squealed jumping through the waters, James hot on her tail, Bucky not far behind, his hands reaching out for them. Winnie raced past you to the edge of the water, James racing past you just barely out of Bucky’s reach. Bucky barreled into you, hands wrapping around you as he went back first into the water, hands taking you with him, a squeal leaving your lips as water crashed up around the two of you.

“Bucky,” you gasp, and laughter is falling from his lips, “you were supposed to grab the kids, not me!” 

He grins, “Saw something else I wanted to grab,” you don’t have time to come up with a remark, a wave crashing around the two of you sending you further up the shore.

The rest of the time was spent like this Bucky finding ways – unknowingly to make you cheeks tinge red, and your heart swell further in your chest.

“you’re so screwed,” peggy had teased as the two of you sat on the loungers waiting for Bucky and Steve to wrangle the children in.

“Peggy,” you warned, she laughed, “just making an observation babe, just making an observation.”

She had been right though, by the time you had arrived home after a nice dinner at one of the restaurants on the boardwalk of the beach the group was absolutely tuckered out. Winnie and James hadn’t even made it through the first hall of the car ride before their soft snores were filling the van.

Good nights are heard through the house as Steve and Peggy retreat upstairs Bucky following slowly behind with Winnie and James in his arms, both still fast asleep even as he trudged the stairs.

You made your way through the house to the bedroom you’d be sharing with Bucky, much too tired and burned out to get into something more comfortable you threw yourself onto the silken cool sheets the flight and activities of the day finally catching up to you as you let yourself drift to the comforting silence.

It’s probably minutes but it feels as if an hour has passed before you hear his tired voice call out to you, hands reaching out to your tired form.

“Dove, you gotta get into something more comfortable,” he tries, but the heaviness in your mind won’t hear of it.

“M’fine, sleep,” you murmur body inching over to make room for him.

He laughs softly and your sure if you were in a more awakened state you’d find him shaking his head at you.

You try to move with his hands as he tugs back the sheets pulling you under them with him. It’s silent for a minute maybe two before he’s speaking into the quiet night, “surprised you haven’t freaked and ran.”

You squint an eye open, “s’not like we’ve never shared a bed before buck, s’nothing new,”

Bucky chuckles softly “c’mere then.”

“Buck,”

He’s laughing again, his hands finding your body anyway as he tugs, “thought you said it was nothing new,” he teases

“Oh you know what I mean,” you muttered body falling into his embrace willingly, and for the night you’ll blame it on the tiredness seeping through your bones.


	11. Learning To Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fluff, intimate moments (almost Teehee)
> 
> A/n: I can’t believe we have nine, NINE chapters left, like my goodness! So as you all know I’m a people pleaser (Bucky Barnes people pleaser) so what are some things you want to see from these two? What are somethings if any do you feel are left unanswered, do you want another round of angst, hurt, some tears?? You want a moment of understanding between the two, smut, fluff, Bucky being a domestic mobboss daddy? I always love to hear from my readers and i want to hear from you as we draw closer to the end! As always happy Readings Angels!

You awoke to soft sheets, and the morning light trickling in through the glass pane windows of the French doors. Shedding yourself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, your eyes remained shut as you soaked in the warmth of your covers, the warmth of him beneath your touch.

“You planning on wasting your days away in this bed dove?”

You’re cracking one eye open, tilting your head slightly where it rests on his chest to get a look at him, “the kids aren’t coaxing me out of it so yeah I just might, do you realize how long it’s been since I’ve gotten away” you smile softly, eye shutting as you adjust yourself further into the sheets, further into him.

“I can hear your thoughts Buck,” you murmur eyes still closed.

A chuckle leaves his mouth, his chest vibrating beneath you, “and here I thought I was being much quieter.”

Your fingers tap his waist, “penny for your thoughts before we’re summoned by our children?”

A sigh is leaving his lips, arms tightening around you slightly, it’s a welcoming feeling, “wouldn’t even know how to put these thoughts into words,” he murmurs, you move in his hold then, your arms bracing your head as you glance up at him, “well how about you try.”

“I’m still expecting you to run, to freak out on me, push me away, and just close me out again, I’m expecting this feeling, this moment,” he speaks hands squeezing to just be ripped away.

“and I’m expecting you to break my trust.”

His brows furrow, “Buck this whole situation between us is a mess;” you start, “but we’re here where we are because I don’t feel like I can trust you to keep your word to me and the kids, it’s not that I don’t love you, I could never not love you,” you add, “and I held on till the last second before I served you those papers Buck and even then I didn’t want to serve you, you were the end of the line for me, a part of me still believes you are.”

You go quiet as you mull over your next words, “I don’t want to have to run, to freak out, to push you away, and I don’t want to close you out again, but you have to understand that I’m scared, I’m scared to let you in because what happens when I do, and it happens again?”

Bucky’s hands are sliding up your waist warm fingers finding your chin, “it won’t happen again,” he tries, “sweetheart these past months without you and the kids have been miserable, only getting the kids for a few days during the weekend has broken me down, I miss them terribly, only getting you for a few hours for dinner has been hell, I want you more than just those few hours, I want you every hour of every day.”

Words left you as you stared into those bright ocean grey eyes burning with conviction, your heart fell silent.

“You told me to fight for you, to give you the time, and I’m going to, and I apologize now if I slip up, but sweetheart the second that happens I need you to put me right back in my place, I need you to argue with me till your red in the face, slap me if you need to because I’ll be damned if I don’t try my hardest to get the three of you back.”

“Buck -” you murmur words still failing you, your breath catching in your throat as his fingers fall away from your face, his body flipping yours so your back hits the cooled sheets of the bed.

“I’m going to show you that you can trust me sweetheart, not only to be there for the kids and you, but with your heart, I’m not only going to show you while we’re here, I’m going to show you when we get home, and I promise you, I promise you right now,” he adds, “that when we get home it’s going to change, I’m going to change, for you, for the kids,” his thumb finds your cheek rubbing along the tops of it, “I love you sweetheart, and I will show you.”

Time stands still your eyes locked intently on one another; your fingers run up the sides of his arms drawing goosebumps till your hands are nestled around his neck.

He dips towards you slightly, lips just above yours his warm breath fanning over you, ‘dove’ he murmurs, head slowly closing the distance between you.

“Mommy, Daddy!”

The two of you are jostled apart, Bucky’s head finding your shoulder a low groan falling from his lips, as Winnies body meets his roughly.

“Mommy, Daddy,” Winnie chirps jumping around the bed, “Uncle Steve said we were going to spend the day in the pool today, and he said daddy’s going to cook for us mommy!”

“That sounds amazing petal,” you murmur reaching out for her vibrating form, “where’s James?”

“He stayed in the kitchen with Aunt Peggy and Uncle Steve,” she grins, “uncle Steve told me to come get daddy because daddy needs to go to the shops with him.”

Bucky’s head is peeking up from where it was pressed to your shoulder, “so uncle Steve sent you to come get mommy and daddy,” he questions brow raised, Winnie smiles wider, “yeah he said to make sure daddy wasn’t getting too comfortable.”

Bucky’s shaking his head, “punk,” he mutters, “alright petal well how about you go let uncle Steve that I’m on my way now.”

“Okay daddy,” Winnie squeals jumping at the two of you to place a wet kiss to each of your cheeks, the two of you watch as she bounds off the bed, a jump in her step as she makes her way to the kitchen.

His head is pressing to your shoulder lips pressing to the exposed skin of your shoulder, “i’m going to kill Steve, always has to be butting in at the wrong moment’s .”

A grin tugs at your lips, your fingers weaving through his tousled hair, “there was a moment just now?”

His eyes are meeting yours once more, “you didn’t think just now was a moment dove,” he questioned a teasing glint in his eye.

You gave his hair a tug slightly the other hand running along the scruff of his beard, “I think I need a reminder of what the moment was.”

A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, before he’s dipping down again your fingers guiding.

“Y/n breakfast!”

A groan falls from Bucky’s lips your head turning at the last second to have Bucky’s lips press to your cheek.

“Looks like it’s time to get out of bed.”

Bucky had wanted to do anything but leave you and the bed this morning but he knew Steve, and he also knew Peggy, and they wouldn’t let either of you, much less Bucky get any further than the kiss he had pressed to your cheek. You watched him roll off the bed, watching as he moved around the shared room, “you just going to lay there and watch me,” he questions with a teasing tone.

“who say’s I was looking at you,” you shoot back, “there’s a whole view right behind you,” you grin pointing at the French doors.

A smirk pulls at his lips, as he grabs his things, “keep telling yourself that doll.”

He’s moving over to you intent on stealing that kiss but of course Steve wouldn’t make it easy, he would never make it easy, “Barnes you ready to go,” comes his voice from the door way just as Bucky is leaning down. A grimace moves over Bucky’s lips as he reaches for a pillow, turning quickly as he flings the soft cotton at Steve.

The cotton plops to the floor, Steve looking at the two of you with a smirk, “we need to go Buck, you have the rest of the day to spend wooing y/n,” Bucky scowls, “i’ll show you wooing, you punk,” he mutters moving towards Steve who ducks out of the doorway taking Bucky with him. You can’t help but to laugh watching the two, your cheeks growing warm at Steve’s words.

You settle into the sheets intent on soaking up the peace and warmth of the room, its short lived as Peggy makes her appearance James and Winnie each clinging to a hand, “these tots are ready to jump in that gorgeous pool outside,” she smiles, “there’s also a plate and cup of coffee with your name on it, would you care to join us, maybe put on your cutest swimsuit,” she teases with a knowing glint in her eyes.

Your shaking your head a grin pulling at your lips, “I don’t think Steve is the only one butting in where he doesn’t belong.”

Peggy laughs shrugging her shoulders, a grin settling over, “I have no idea what you’re on about, Steve and I are on our best behaviors,” she teases, “now hurry up and get that cute ass out of bed and into your cutest swim suit so you can come join me and your sweet babes poolside,” Peggy doesn’t offer you room for argument as she pulls your kids away squeals of delight and laughter filling the house.

The squeals of your children that had rung through the house when Peggy had beckoned you from the warmth of your bed had remained as you spent your time by the poolside. The loud laughter had only gotten louder once Bucky and Steve had returned from the shops. You watched with glasses over your eyes, as Bucky maned the pit, switching between flipping the burgers, and tossing the children into the pool straight into Steve’s awaiting arms.

“Say when are you and Steve going to give me a nephew or niece,” you questioned looking away from the heartwarming sight.

“Trust me we’re working on it,” she laughs softly taking a drink from the cup in her hand, “he’s just been a little caught up with helping Bucky.”

“Helping Bucky,” you couldn’t help but question, she’s nodding her head, “don’t get me wrong its about damn time Steve be given the position he has now, it’s just,” she sighed and your pulling your glasses down, “it’s just what Pegs?”

“Steve’s trying to make this easier for Bucky, he’s trying to lighten some of the load off, so he can be there for you and the kids, he wants to help Bucky find his way back to you.”

“Did Bucky ask him to do this?”

“God no,” Peggy answers with a shake of her head, “Steve’s doing this because it’s Bucky, and because you and Bucky are endgame, you’ve always been endgame.”

A sigh leaves your lips, “look Pegs, I didn’t serve Bucky those divorce papers because I didn’t love him, I do love him, and I’m not sure that feeling will ever fade,” your eyes are moving over to Bucky watching as he scoops up James and Winnie in each arm running straight into the pool, a squeal leaving each child’s lips as there plunged into the crystal water.

Your looking back at Peggy, “I served him those papers because I was tired pegs, I was tired of waiting around for a change from him, tired of wondering when I or the kids would see him next, tired of waiting for this,” you murmur gesturing to the beauty around you. “Bucky would have never changed had I not served him those papers, and I’m not even sure it’s enough to bring a change in him now, but I had to try and I knew if I wanted to be happy whether it was with him or not I needed to do this for both of us.”

“ and do you think he’s changed?”

Your looking back over to the pool Bucky’s eyes meeting yours a smile pulls at his lips, something stirs in your heart, “god do I hope so,” you murmur, your looking away, “but three days isn’t enough to say.”

And in truth it wasn’t enough given your situation, but at the same time you knew Bucky, had known him for the better parts of your life. So it wasn’t necessarily needing to take things slow with one another, like a first date, first real relationship, no. It was needing to find that light the two of you had lost along the way, the light, the love, that had begun to burn low flame nearly blown out. It was needing to find that trust, to know that you could lean on him and he wasn’t going to let you crash and burn.

“y/n, Peggy, come join us” Steve calls out.

Peggys pushing to her feet and your following suit, feet trailing after her, once to the edge she’s squatting down to the cemented edge to sit and dip her toes in the cool water. You’re not given the chance as Bucky bursts through the water, hands grabbing at yours to roughly pull you into the water with him, a scream leaves your lips right before you break water.

Below the crystal-like water Bucky’s grinning at you like mad, your arms swinging at him before your kicking up, your head popping through the water, a gasp leaving your lips.

He pops up right next to you and you can hear laughter from your children and Steve and Peggy fill the air.

“Barnes, your dead,” you hiss as you jump at him Winnie and James squealing excitedly for you, “go mommy, get daddy!”

The rest of the evening was spent splashing around the pool, groans of protest spilling from your children’s lips when they were called out to eat, and even more so when they were pulled from the now cold water once it drew closer to their bedtime.

“But mommy, we want to keep playing,” they had whined, though it didn’t last long as Bucky had scoped them up in his arms, your feet trailing behind him as he marched up the stairs with them.

You had watched him stick them in a warm bath, watched as he helped them sort out their pj’s for the night, and even caught a sight you hadn’t seen in a year; watching him tucked into the side of the queen bed as read them a story, his eyes occasionally meeting yours, a warm smile kissing his lips each time.

At one point you had excused yourself, the coolness of your bathing suit settling on your skin drawing goosebumps as the night air swept in through the cracked windows. Stepping into your shared room you made a beeline for the shower needing to put warmth back into your skin. After your shower, you had slipped into something comfortable, your feet carrying you back into the shared bedroom, Bucky still wasn’t in.

The bed was soft and warm, as you pulled back the sheets, your body delving into the comfort. The second the silk sheets were kissing your skin, bucky was striding in, you watched with a raised brow as he turned shutting the door to your room behind him, an inaudible click sounding through the quiet room.

“Bucky,” you murmured, he was turning to you again taking closing the distance between you quickly. You were perfumed by his musky scent, as he climbed onto the bed, his body hovering over yours, staking his claim.

“Why did you lock the door,” you questioned, but you knew the answer.

“I’ve been needing to do this all-morning sweetheart, and god forbid I try something only to have Steve and Peggy intervening.”

Your fingers are curving into his tousled locks, “and what have you been needing to do?”

He doesn’t answer, instead he lets your hands guide him, his lips brushing yours seconds later. It’s not innocent; but instead like a tease, hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. You want to pull away before you lose yourself but you can’t seem too. In this minty moment, your senses have been seduced and you can no longer think straight. “Dove,” he whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. You can’t help but to smile, your heart fluttering at his voice, your hands resting on either side of his face. Never before has the name he gave you sounded so wonderful, you thought, as you leant in for another.


	12. I've Got You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut, no really, it’s just smut. Wrap it before you tap it y’all pls.
> 
> A/n:a whole ass chapter dedicated to Bucky really just giving it to his girl.. Happy Readings Angels!

* * *

_A low whine falls from your throat, your hips lifting off the silk sheets, hips chasing his tongue, head pressing back into the silk pillow a breathy plea of his name leaving your lips, “I’ve got you dove,” he murmurs trailing his hand down the side of your hip, fingers catching on your lace panty. He trails his way down the lace, index finger pressing the material into your slick folds, a low whine spills you’re your lips, “please,” you begged hips lifting needing more than just a single touch._

_“What do you need dove, tell me what you need sweetheart,” he murmurs fingers running up and down your wet slicked panties, “touch me buck, I need you to touch me, please I need to feel you, it’s been so long.”_

_A groan fell from Bucky’s lips as he moved up your body, “I’ve got you baby, I’m going to give you exactly what you need,” he promises._

_He licks a trail up your stomach, your body quivering beneath his tongue body arching into the sensation. He stops at your breast, tongue swirling over each one of your nipples, teeth tugging at the taut skin. A hiss falls from your lips, a moan accompanying the sound, your back arching off the bed pressing your breasts further into his awaiting mouth._

_“God dove, I could never get enough of you, missed you so much, missed loving you like this” he murmurs his lips continuing their way up your skin, settling on marking up your neck while his fingers hook on the inside of your panties, juices coating his finger as he pulls the material to the side, his cock pressing against your folds._

_“Bucky,” you moan, “please,” you breathe body arching, lips finding his in the moonlight of the room. His hips roll forward cock pushing into you as he buries himself inside of your warm heat. A low groan falls from your lips, head falling back against the silk cotton pillow exposing your neck to him, “you were made for me doll, always take me so well,” he hisses head burying itself in your neck, tongue dragging over your dewy sweat slicked skin, your hips roll up at the sensation._

_He’s pulling back only to hammer back into you, the thrust driving you up the sheets, a squeal of pleasure leaving your lips, you legs hooking around his waist to bring him closer, get him deeper, “you were made for me, made to take me,” he grunts teeth nipping at vixens ear, “and fuck do you take me well,” he growled cock pounding into her._

_He fucks into you with vigor, hard and fast, hips setting a bruising pace, his lips finding yours, mouth drinking in your throaty moans of pleasure. A gasp falls from your lips, the need for air becoming too much, “Just like that,” you moaned low in your throat, “god don’t stop, please don’t stop ,” you whined back arching off the bed as your orgasm consumed you._

You jolted up right in bed eyes wide, a quiet gasp leaving your lips, heat pulled in between your legs, panties wet with your slick. You brought a hand up to your chest, your heart races under your fingers.

“you alright there dove?”

Your breath catches in your throat, and you have half a mind to keep yourself from turning to face him, because you know what you’ll see, and it won’t be half lidded eyes that you look at.

You opt to keep your eyes looked on the French windows, the night sky a lighter shade, as it begins to make its transition to morning. 

Warm fingers caress your back, “you were having quite the dream weren’t you?”

His voice sounds huskier, a need, a hunger in the underlying tone, “always did make such pretty noises,” he murmurs, and his voice gets you warmer, hotter.

“tell me dove,” he husks fingers dipping beneath your night shirt, “who exactly had you writhing the way you were, who had those sweet little noises falling from your lips,” he hummed goosebumps erupting along his touch.

Your eyes slip shut as you try to grab hold of the reigns of your racing heart and mind, it was one kiss y/n right before bed y/n, you were acting like a school girl with a crush, except that it wasn’t that and you knew as much.

You suck in a breath his name leaving your lips in a warning, “oh c’mon now sweetheart,” and you can hear the smirk almost visualize it, “I just want to know who has my girl all hot and bothered.”

“buck,” you whine, “just go back to bed, it’s too early for this.”

He chuckles, lowly, and the sound enough is to send you spiraling, heat curling within you, “m’just teasin baby,” he replies, but his body is pressing against your side, lips finding your exposed shoulder, “but do you really want that,” he questions hands pulling at the silk sheets. “Do you really want me to go back to bed,” he questions hands skimming up your thigh, trailing up till his fingers are pressing against your warm heat, your eyes shut as you hold back a throaty groan, “I don’t think you do dove.”

“Buck,” his fingers are rubbing against your heat, your toes curling, teeth nipping at your lower lip.

“tell me what you want dove, you just have to say the word and you know I’ll give you whatever you want sweetheart.”

Your eyes are slipping open, head turning to meet his, he’s left the ball in your court, he waits with baited breath, fingers still pressed to your heat.

“touch me please.” It’s a simple request, but you know it’s so much more, you don’t want him to touch you just now, you want him to keep touching you, to love you.

His lips are pressing to yours not a second wasted once the words leave your mouth, his body is pressing yours back into the sheets, fingers rubbing at your warmth drawing out those sweet little moans of pleasure. Your breath hitches in your throat, the two of you pulling away from one another, as he dips smoothly past your night shorts and into your panties.

His fingers run over the slit of your folds his mouth finding you ear, teeth nipping at your lobe drawing a shudder from you, “you’re not going to run from me come bright morning are you dove, not going to tell me this is nothing more than just sex,” his words throw you, your heads turning slightly to meet his.

“Buck,” you try, but he’s cutting you off with a press of his lips to yours, “you know I’ll give you just about anything you want sweetheart even this, but I don’t want you regretting this and hiding away from me come morning, I don’t think I could bear that, not anymore, I want you sweetheart, I want all of you.”

Your hands are finding his cheek, your lips pressing to his, it’s not a rough brush of lips, but it isn’t gentle either, there’s something there, and you can only hope he picks up on it.

He pulls away, his eyes boring into yours a low chuckle ghosting over your lips, another shiver rolls through you, your hips roll into his hand, “I’ve got you dove,” he murmurs, “I’m going to make you feel real good, forget all about that man in your dreams,” he grins, his fingers dipping into your sopping wet folds, spreading them. He drags his index finger up your slick, a breathy moan falls from his lips, your eyes shutting at the sound. “God doll, you’re so wet,” he groaned, his clothes hips rolling into your side. His finger sought out your throbbing clit, digit circling the bundle of nerves agonizingly slow.

“Bucky,” you breathed, your voice already wrecked and he hadn’t even done the half of what he wanted too. 

“Tell me what you want, use your words dove” theres a hitch in your chest, a roll of your hips, your warmth twitching around him.

“Please,” you moan, your body thrumming with want as his index finger sits heavy on your aching clit.

“please what,” he questions breathily, teeth nipping at your lower lip.

“Buck,” you whine, he chuckles lowly, “just say it dove, just tell me what you want,”

“Harder buck, I need you to -,” you groaned.

A growl tears from his mouth, his lips finding their way to your neck, teeth nipping at the sensitive skin. Your mouth drops open, a moan slipping past your parted lips, his finger circling your clit rhythmically. Your hips are rolling against his touch, pleasure blooms within you, your orgasm fast approaching, “fuck baby, I love seeing you like this, missed you like this,” he murmurs, “so needy, so wanting,”

“Bucky please,”

He nips at your chin, “tell me dove,” he grins feeling your body tremble under his hands, “finger’s buck,” you moan, “I need your fingers.”

“But you already have them sweet girl.”

“Buck,” you whine drawing out his name in a low moan, “please.”

Bucky knows what you want, he knows exactly what you need, but he also likes to hear your breathy whines, the pleas that spill from your lips. He likes to hear you beg.

A whine is falling from your lips as his fingers pull away from you, leaving the confines of you panties, slick wet digits trailing up your quivering form. His lips are back at your ear, “m’going to give you exactly what you need baby, but first there’s something I need to do.”

Your eyes meet his, “you trust me,” he questions and you don’t know if you have the words so you offer him a nod of your head.

He leans in close to press his lips to yours in a chaste kiss. He leans up on the bed making work of discarding his shirt from his body.

A smirk pulls at the side of his mouth, as he twirls the shirt in his hand, “give me your hands sweetheart.”

You raise a brow but oblige his request, you watch on, interest piqued as he brings the shirt up to bound your hands to one another. His fingers work quick as they wrap the cotton around your hands, tight enough to not escape but not tight enough to hurt. Your watching him with intensity in your eyes as he pulls your hands above your head, his naked chest just above your head as he secures you to the headboard. His eyes meet yours, “can’t have you running out on me dove.”

You watch with baited breath as he slides down your legs parting them with his hands as he settles between them. His fingers make quick work of ridding you of your night shorts before he’s burying himself between your legs, mouth pressing into the fabric of your lace panties, tongue running over the wet fabric. Your back arches, hands tugging at the restraints, “f-fuck,” you hiss.

“you smell so good, so wet for me” he grunts nose burying itself against your warmth, “can’t wait to get my mouth on you, to get my mouth on this pretty little pussy.”

“oh god please, please Bucky, please”

He chuckles, as his hands skim up your sides, fingers hooking around the tops of your panty, he pulls roughly the fabric ripping against your skin. His face is finding its way between your legs again, his tongue dips in dragging across your entrance till he’s flicking up against your clit, the tip of his tongue circling it. Your chest heaves breathy moans falling from your lips, your thighs clench around his head the pleasure blooming within you, building up to a sweet peak. Bucky’s hands take ahold of your thighs pushing them open, spreading you out for him, your back arches, covered breast pushing into the cooled air as his tongue flicks teasingly in and out of your soaked folds.

Your hands curl around the shirt pulling, fingers wrapping tightly around the cotton. His mouth works over you, taking you higher, alternating between your clit and your dripping entrance. 

“Bucky fuck,” you moan, “please.”

He continues to work you over, moans of pleasure falling from his lips, the vibrations leaving you quaking in his hold. He glances up his ocean grey eyes connecting with yours. His arms wrap around your spread thighs pulling you into him more, his lips work faster, tongue gliding quicker as he works you over. A loud moan falls from your lips as he quickens the pace, his name falling from your lips in a silent prayer as your grind up against his mouth. A moan catches in your throat, his lips finding your clit as he sucks harshly, his tongue working over it with quick strokes. Your pussy clenches, body heaving as the intense pleasure washes over you. Bucky doesn’t stop as he works you through your orgasm his tongue continuously flicking over you, dipping into you to suck up your juices. Your vision goes white, hands pulling roughly at the cotton tee as your body locks up, thighs quivering in his hold

“O-ohh god,” you choke out, Bucky chuckles deeply as he moves up your body kissing up your sweat slicked skin. He looms over you eyes hooded with lust, a small smile on his glistening lips your juices hidden in the stubble that adorns his cheeks. Bucky leans down his lips hovering just above yours, you lean up wanting to taste him, to taste yourself, but he’s pulling away at the last second. A pathetic whine leaves your lips, “Bucky please,” 

He grins leaning down, “always love how needy you get for me dove, always wanting more, you want a kiss baby?”

Your nodding as you lean up again, his lips crashing onto yours as he sends you back to the pillows beneath you. He drinks in your moans as he works his tongue into your mouth, your sweetness resting heavily on his tongue as it dances with yours. He pulls his head back slightly, your lips chasing his, “Bucky,” you groan head falling back to the pillow as he leans to far out of your reach. He’s smirking down at you, “don’t worry baby you’ll get what you want soon enough, right now I have other plans for that sweet mouth of yours,” he murmurs as he runs his thumb along your lower lip. “Suck,” he whispers watching with lust filled eyes as your lips part, your velvet skin wrapping itself around the thick digit. Your tongue swirls around his thumb, “fuck,” he groans his thumb falling from your mouth with a wet pop.

He leans down to kiss you once, twice, before he’s moving down your body once more, his body resting between your thighs. His hands finding there way to your heated core, finger dipping into your slick warmth, “fuck y/n,” he murmurs eyes mesmerized by your juices coating his finger. He drags it through your folds till he finds that bundle of nerves that will have you writhing for him once more. His fingers run over your clit, your back lifting off the bed at the barely there contact, the pressure not enough.

His finger leaves your aching clit, a low whine falling from your lips, “Buck pl-” but the plea gets caught in your throat when he’s thrusting that same finger into your warm wet heat unexpectedly, finger curling against that sweet spot, that has you crying out his name. Your hips are rolling against his hand, it’s not enough, you need more, and you can’t help the needy whines that fall from your lips.

“you’re so beautiful doll, always so good for me,” he mumbles as he adds another finger into your awaiting heat. The second one is enough to send your body off the sheets as he plunges them into you, the cotton restraint digging into your skin as he curls the two digits up against your g-spot holding them there fingers thrumming within your heat.

“f-uck baby y-yes,” you hiss hips working themselves down onto his fingers, Bucky will never get over how breathtakingly beautiful you look fucking yourself onto his fingers, he almost doesn’t have enough self-control to not just take you then and there, but he’s not ready for this morning to end just yet, not when he’s sure you won’t be gone the second he’s done.

He picks up the pace as he fucks his fingers into you roughly, his other hand finding its way in between your legs as he works over your clit. Your body is thrumming with release, your thighs tense as they lock his hands between your legs, “open up for me baby, I want to see that pretty pussy when you come undone for me,” he growls pressing them open again.

Your body grows warm with release, nails digging into the skin of your bound hands he draws you closer, “fuck, fuck, fuck please” you moan as he circles your clit roughly fingers stilling as they press into you once more, thrumming within you.

A moan tears from your lips as your orgasm rips through you, your thighs quivering in Bucky’s hold, “g-god f-fuck” breathy moans spill from your lips as his fingers work you through the peak of it, his finger circling your clit again, your body twitching in his hold. There’s part of you wanting to get away but there’s also another part seeking out that second wave of pleasure.

He builds up a quick rhythm, one that has your back arching, hands pulling roughly at the restraint as he pushes you into another one. A scream of his name is falling from yours lips as you suck in a breath chest heaving.

He pulls his fingers from you leaving an emptiness behind, the one circling your clit remains, rubbing softly against the all to sensitive part, your hips squirm beneath him trying to get away, “too much, too much” you moan.

He grins as he nips at your hip, your body twitching, he kisses his way up your stomach, and god do you need him, to wrap your arms around him as he drives into you. “Bucky please untie me, I need to touch you,”

He pauses just below your breasts tongue gliding along the sweat slicked skin there, your tugging at your restraints again, “please,” you groan, “please untie me, I need to touch you,” and the feeling to feel his skin beneath your fingertips is almost too much, eyes glossing over slightly, because you need him, just like you’ve needed him to touch you, to make you feel.

He moves quickly the second he sees your eyes gloss over, he’s thinking he’s gone to far, but the second your hands fall free, their finding there way to his face, pulling his lips down to yours. Desperate groans are falling from both your lips, a plea of “fuck me please,” spilling from yours as he lines himself up with you sliding into your warm heat, the drag and stretch enough to bring on another orgasm. “fuck baby, you always feel so amazing around me,” he groans through clenched teeth.

Your hands wrap themselves around his shoulder, legs tangling around his waist, a smile pressing to his lips. Your both lost in the feeling of each other, as he thrusts forward into you, his arms are encasing you, holding you close as he thrusts into you, building up a steady rhythm his length sliding in and out of you, building up the pleasure. Your fingers are digging into the skin of his back as you draw closer to your end, “you think you can give me one more baby, cum for me one more time,” he questions moaning into your ear, a shiver rolls through you “I want you to cum with me baby, need you to cum for me,” he groans as his lips find yours.

Your body tightens around him as he pounds into you, your body trembling under his as your orgasm rips through you one last time, his muscles clenching around you as his releases finds him, cock twitching as he spills into you.

You hold him to you as you both ride out the aftershocks of pleasure, his head resting against your sweat slick chest, its quiet in the room as you come down, the only sound is that of both your labored breathings, as the first ray of light hits the room, casting a warm glow.

“I won’t leave you know,” 

His head perks up, eyes meeting yours, your fingers run through his chocolate locks, “I won’t leave as long as I know you’re going to be there.”

“Sweetheart I don’t plan on leaving you, I’ve always told you it’s you and me till the end of the line, and I mean that, I’m so sorry I’ve had a shit way of showing you, but I promise I’m going to do whatever it takes to win you back,” he kisses your chest, “I need you back sweetheart, I need the three of you back, and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to you.”

Your hand falls away from his hair hand cupping his cheek as you lean down to press his lips to yours, there’s no words shared but there’s an action.


	13. Don't Be Afraid To Catch Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fluff, feels.
> 
> A/n: Our most problematic bucket being a domestic daddy, we STAN! I had fun with this chapter, and with trying my hardest to depict Bucky really enjoying his family and trying to prove that he isn’t going to mess up any further. We won’t necessarily have any more angst with these two, but there will be a surprise and a change happening with in the next last seven chapters! As always happy readings my angels, and if any of you want to be removed from any of tag lists please let me know.

It’s mid afternoon by the time your coaxed from the bed by tiny hands and squeals of delight, your children are none the wiser to the moment their parents shared, while bouncing on the crumpled sheets around the four of you, but their aunt and uncle on the other hand are thrumming at the sight of you two.

“Well look who decided to finally join us,” Steve greets a smirk on his lips, “did you have a good sleep,” Peggy adds over a cup of coffee.

“I’m sure we got more sleep than the two of you,” Bucky throws back, “weren’t ever a quiet one were you punk?”

Steve cheeks flame red, you and Peggy chuckling at his flustered state, “well if you and y/n want a niece or nephew anytime soon we’ve got to try every chance we have,” Peggy throws back with a wink.

“Trying is always the fun part,” you add moving forward with Winnie to place her on a chair.

“Speaking about trying,” Peggy adds, “Steve and I were wondering if there was any way to possibly get the four of you out of the house this morning.”

You watch in amusement as Steve’s face flushes red, “Sweetheart,” he mutters, “what,” she questions eyes meeting his, “unless you’d like them to hear you like last night,” she teases.

“Jesus, Peg,” he groans hands flailing to where James and Winnie sit, “the children are present!”

You’re holding back your laugh as you crack a smile, “they’re none the wiser, Stevie, trust me.”

“That’s the truth,” Bucky agrees throwing an arm over your shoulder, “but hey if you two need us out of your hair, I was actually planning on taking these three out for the day, want to show them a good time before we head back tomorrow morning, so ya know, take your time,” he smirks.

Poor Steve is absolutely red in the face and it isn’t from anger.

“C’mon you two,” your murmur to Winnie and James, “Daddy is going to take us out on for a treat, while aunt Peggy and uncle Steve play.”

“are they going to build a fort mommy,” James questions as Bucky pulls him from the chair, “something like that sweetheart, something like that,” you grin throwing Peggy a wink as the four of you retreat from the kitchen.

“Awe man, I want to play forts,” James whines, drawing laughter from you and Bucky as you lead them up the stairs.

You’re out of the house an hour later, Steve and Peggy no longer in the kitchen when you head out the door, “Steve was always an impatient man,” Bucky teases as he ushers the three of you out the door.

“must have learned it from you,” you reply, a smirk thrown over your shoulder, “you were just as impatient as Steve when It came to your women.”

He’s chuckling low as he closes in on you, his hands pulling open the door of the car for you and the kids, his lips are by your ear, “not just any woman dove, there was only one woman I was ever impatient with and that was you.”

Your hand falls to his chest for a moment, your eyes meeting his briefly, “well let’s hope that continues to be the case.”

His hand comes up to grab ahold of yours, “I promise you it is.”

You’re throwing a warm smile at him before slipping your hand from his, your body climbing into the car taking the seat next to your children, Bucky grabbing the seat next to you.

“Where to sir,” the driver questions once the door is closed, “Santorini Greece,” he replies, the driver giving him a nod in reply.

“Buck,” you murmur as the driver takes off, “aren’t we already in parts of Santorini Greece,” you questioned.

He’s grinning, arm falling around the back of the seat, “oh dove, you think you’ve seen the beauty of this place, trust me you haven’t see a thing yet.”

As if the view from the car ride wasn’t already spectacular Bucky has the driver pulling to a stop minutes later. You can’t quiet describe the place your stopped at when you get off the car with the children other than the view alone leaves you awestruck. [Megalochori](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fhandluggageonly.co.uk%2F2014%2F10%2F27%2Fgoing-beaten-track-santorini%2F&t=YjI5MGU0MjAyZjFjMjkxY2VmN2Y5ZDFkMDQ1ODRmN2ExZTQzODhhYix3RVJPR2JreQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ARw8vRsEJhCyD2uSuQ7M9cQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fworld-of-aus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F635370507273945088%2Fthe-light-we-lost-pt-13&m=1&ts=1607234786) a small town perfect to explore for a few hours. Bucky was waving off the driver, when he’s turning to the three of you, “was thinking we can do some sight-seeing and maybe head to the town’s bakery and pick up some Saganaki.” 

“Sounds like a plan, shall we?”

Megalochori village was a labyrinth of winding alleys, whitewashed houses, and blue-domed churches with ornate bell towers. The view was breath taking, “gosh I don’t think I ever want to go back,” you breathed, “it’s all so gorgeous,” you murmured, “It’s like I’m looking at a postcard.”

Bucky’s right by your side, Winnie and James just as entranced by the quiet village, “I’m telling you dove; you just say the word and I’ll leave everything back at home to give you what you and the kids want, we could have a fresh start, me, you, the kids, I’m sure they would love it here.”

“can we mommy, can we move here,” you hear James call out his tiny form bouncing in place as you continued to walk through the village.

You’re laughing softly, “but we already have such a beautiful home where we live, and your grandparents are there babe, they would miss you so much.”

“Yeah, but if we move here daddy will be with us mommy, daddy will be home with us.”

James words are like a punch to the gut, and you don’t have the words, but it seems Bucky does as he crouches down just in front of you, his hands grabbing at James and Winnie pulling there attention from you.

“I know you want daddy with you, but mommy’s right, you do have so many wonderful things right back at home, and hey,” he murmurs when he sees James lips turn down into a pout, “daddy is going to do whatever it takes to be back at home with you, but you see daddy really messed up, daddy hurt mommy more than there are enough sorry’s for but he’s trying to fix it, he’s trying to make it right so he can come home to you.”

“Why don’t you just tell mommy you love her,” Winnie speaks up, “give her a kiss and makeup daddy, when mommy is upset with us we always tell her we love her and she feels better.

His hand is slipping from her tiny ones, to cup her cheek, “daddy needs to do more than just tell mommy he loves her, daddy needs to show her, and I promise baby doll daddy’s trying.”

“well try harder,” she whines, and Bucky is chuckling, “c’mere you two,” he murmurs pulling them into a tight embrace, a kiss pressed to each side of their head, “daddy is going to be home soon, and that’s my promise to you, to all of you,” he murmurs eyes meeting yours.

Your heart clenches at his words, the feeling deepening as you watch him lift them into his arms, “shall we stop by that bakery now?”

You could feel the shift in your mood, could feel the heartache in your chest, there was a reason you had never wanted to get to this point, a point in your life you had never imagined. You never thought you would ever, ever have to serve the man you loved with all you had divorce papers, you never thought your children would have to be between houses to spend time with their parents, this isn’t the life you wanted.

“you alright sweetheart,” Bucky murmured as you stepped out of the bakery, the heavenly smell of baked treats still wafting through your nose, even as you stepped out a paper bag in hand. Your eyes were trained on James and Winnie who walked a few feet ahead, their tiny hands pointing out the buildings around them.

“m’just thinking is all.”

“penny for your thoughts,” he questions, and your eyes are meeting his for a second before they’re going back to your children.

“I just never imagined we would end up like this, I didn’t realize how much it might affect the kids, I didn’t realize how much they missed you,” you murmured, “here I was trying to protect them from hurting further with you being so absent, that I’ve just made it worse.”

“hey, no,” he replies, “sweetheart you did what you thought was right, my absence because of work and because I chose to take something as big as hydra on alone was affecting all three of you, and you saw that, you did what you needed to, and what you thought was right for the kids and you, I don’t blame you, and they don’t either.”

“but what if they do,” you questioned eyes meeting his, “they love you Buck, they’ve always loved you, and you’ve managed to work your way back to them, it’s me though, I’m the one that’s scared, I’m the one keeping them from having you fully.”

His hand is brushing yours, fingers wrapping around yours gripping, “sweetheart no one is keeping me from my children, no one is going to keep me from those kids either, not anymore, not my job, not my men, no one,” he assures, “sweetheart these months apart from you three have been hell, I can’t even stay in the house, our home, I have to stay in the office or at ma’s because its just too much, the memories are just too much, but I brought this upon myself, and I’m going to fix it, no matter what it takes.”

A knot grows in your throat at his words, “I just want you to know sweetheart, I don’t blame you and the kids won’t either, I messed up here, not you.”

“but buck,” he’s shaking his head, “you did your part dove, you fought long and hard for us for a year, and I was stupid, I let myself believe I wasn’t hurting anyone, that you would be there regardless, I messed up by thinking you wouldn’t ever leave, and all because you were always there.” He sighs, eyes drifting to where your kids are sitting on a set of stairs, “a part of me now is glad you served me those papers, because I now see what I lost, and I want it back,” his eyes meet yours, “I want you back.”

Your both silent for a moment as you let his words seep deep into your soul, let them linger in your mind. His hands squeeze yours after a minute of silence, “c’mon dove, let’s wrangle our children and head back, I think we’ve seen enough of this beautiful little village, though nothing could quite compare to you.”

You let him lead you over to your children, again watching how he captivates them immediately, you can feel the love that is there, can feel the own love you have for him that hides in your chest, threatening to show itself.

You knew what you needed to do, you knew you needed to let yourself fall, to let yourself trust that he would catch you this time, but you were scared that he would catch you for this one moment, and let you fall for all the others.

You were scared, but you knew you didn’t have to be, not anymore.


	14. Catch Me, Cause I'm Fallin For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none.
> 
> A/N: It’s been awhile since we’ve read about our mobboss, and i apologize, but hopefully this chapter makes up for it! I hope to have the series as well as dear fahrenheit wrapped up by the end of December. We only have six more chapters, and i hope you will enjoy each one that comes. Happy Readings Angels.

“You alright there dove,” your eyes snap to the door, finger stilling on the shirt in your hands, “you’ve been spaced out all evening,” he chuckles as he moves over to you, fingers pulling the garment from your hands.

He places the shirt neatly into your carrier for you before he’s tugging on your hands, your body willingly falling into his.

“Does the offer to move here still stand?

A chuckle builds low in his chest, arms wrapping themselves around your lower back, “dove just say the word, and I’ll start finding us a gorgeous place of our own here, could have us moved within the week, you wouldn’t have to lift a finger on that pretty hand of yours.”

Your shaking your head a smile pulling at your lips nonetheless, head finding it’s way onto his shoulder, “as nice as that sounds we have work, a legacy we have to carry on.”

His thumbs rub circles into your back and your taken back to a time where it was all so simpler, a time where a wedding ring still sat on your left hand.

“None of that matters if your not with me doll, the job, the legacy none of it matters anymore,” your head moves away from his shoulder to gaze into his eyes.

“you would really leave it all behind if I asked you too?

His lips press to your head, “sweetheart I lost you because I got caught in the job, I could have lost you forever if you hadn’t lit a flame under my ass, I’m not one to make the same mistake again, not if it means I’ll lose you and the kids forever, and I know, and I know if I fuck up one more time you’d be done for good.”

You’re shaking your head but your hands are finding their way to his sides, gripping his shirt, “why couldn’t you have listened the first time Buck, you know you could have saved us all a world of hurt.”

“I would have just slipped up again sweetheart, as horrible as that sounds, I lived for this job, I believed I needed to be the best to keep the ranks, that I needed to live for the job just like dad did, but over the course of these past few months without you and the kids, none of it matters if I don’t have the three of you with me.”

Your eyes meet his, “I’m empty without the three of you; I come home to an empty house, go to work just to pass the hours without seeing you and the kids, and then I’m leaving work just to return to an empty house once more.”

“It’s sucks doesn’t it,” and you don’t intend the words to slip from your mouth so bitterly but it’s the thing you hate the most, the emptiness, and all for a job, all for his father who he wanted to make proud.

He’s chuckling low, his arms wrapping around you till your pressed against him, head on his chest, his resting over yours, “wasn’t the direction I wanted to take the conversation in, but I’m glad it did because now I can tell you this, there are not enough words in this world to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for what I put you through, what I put us through, but hopefully there is enough words in my actions to tell you just how sorry I am for the mistakes I’ve made and the pain I’ve caused you, I want to try again y/n, I want to make this work.”

He pauses as he tries to find the right words, tries to find the words that won’t have you reiterating back, “you’re it for me dove, you will always be the only one I ever love, there could never be anyone else,” his lips press to your hair, arms holding you closer, “when I said till end of the line, I meant it sweetheart, I meant every word.”

Your fingers curl deeper into the back of his shirt, “do you really think we could go back, to reignite that flame?”

“I’m not sure dove, but I’m damn near willing to try if it means I have a chance at getting the three of you back.”

You can’t find the words to express yourself to him, as much as you’re willing yourself to fall, to let yourself give in to him, you still don’t think you can express your thoughts of wanting him to fight for you. You don’t want to receive a promise that might turn up empty. So for now you’ll think it silently, you’ll will him to fight for you silently.

And hope to god he’ll hear it in volumes.

“Let’s finish getting you packed dove, Jet will be here soon and our driver should be arriving shortly.”

As much as you don’t want to pull away, and as much as you’d like to stay here a few days longer to just take in these moments with him you know it’s time to go back. 

The streets can only run so smoothly for so long without you.

“You know,” Steve starts as he and Bucky carry the luggage to the jet, “I wouldn’t mind if you and Buck decided y’all would want to move out here, it would be a fresh start for everyone.”

“It would definitely be a means to a new beginning,” Peggy agrees as she climbs the steps behind Steve, Winnie and James bounding up the stairs behind them.

“It wouldn’t even have to be here,” Bucky adds as he trails behind your children, your form following his, “as long as my wife and kids were there, I’d go anywhere they were.”

Your stopping mid stride up the steps, pausing on his words, would he really drop everything for you now?

“You alright dove?”

Your eyes snap to his, concern laced on his features, “just wanted to get one last look,” you reply as your eyes dart out to the scenery around you.

“you want a last view, this will be nothing sweetheart, I’ll give you my window seat, and you’ll get all the last view you need.”

Your shaking your head as you glide up the last steps, “you know how I feel about flying James, what makes you think I’m going to want to look out the window.”

His hand falls to your back as he leads you to your seats Winnie and James sitting in front of your seats their little bodies facing yours. Bucky pushes you into the seat closest to the window before you can begin to protest “me and the kids are right here with you dove, and hey,” he says hand reaching for yours, fingers intertwining, squeezing, “i got you.”

Your breath goes for a second, as they announce the take-off, the door to the jet closing, the motors roaring to life. Your mind is screaming to shut your eyes, to curl in on yourself at least during the take off, but having you children there, having Bucky grounding you with his hand in yours, you could do this.

And suddenly as your taking off, your eyes watching the runway pass you by, the feeling of the wheels kicking you off into the clouds it hits you. It’s time; it’s time to trust the process, to trust yourself to make the right choices and to trust this new beginning.

Take off had been easier for you this time around and you couldn’t help but to take it all in, take your surroundings in. This was your family, your blood.

“daddy will you be staying home with us?”

All eyes are snapping to Winnie’s, Bucky’s eyes don’t meet yours as he answers his daughter, “uh, we’ll see once we land baby, Granda Winnie wanted me to stop by and see her when we got back.”

“will you come home after you visit with Grandma Winnie’s?”

All eyes are on Bucky now, even yours, though you wait with a baited breath, “Yeah baby, daddy will go straight home after grandmas.”

Winnie holds out her tiny pinky, her hand stretched to her dad, “promise,” she questions wiggling the digit.

Bucky leans forward, finger entangling with her daughters, “i promise dove,” he murmurs pressing his lips to their joined fingers.

Peggy and Steve’s eyes meet yours, and you share a silent conversation, one that speaks well within you.

Let yourself fall, let him catch you.

Its late morning when your arrive, the streets asleep like your children in their car seats. The car is quiet, your fingers intertwined with Bucky’s in the center console.

“Will you really go see your mother?”

Bucky’s eyes meet yours briefly as he turns onto the road of your house, “It’s late already, I’ll call her first thing come morning, take her some sweets and maybe a coffee from her favorite shop.”

You bite the inside of your mouth, “will you actually stay,” you question as he pulls into the gates of your home.

He doesn’t answer as he drives down the dirt road, doesn’t answer till the cars parked, the engine shut off and he can properly meet your eyes.

“do you want me to stay?”

“I do,” you answer, “I do want you to stay, I want you to stay and catch me,” you pause as you really look into his eyes, “because I’m ready to let go, I’m ready to fall.”

It happens in a split second, Bucky’s body leaning over the center his hands tangling in your hair bringing your lips crashing into his.

Your fingers find there way into his hair, curling into the shortened locks.


	15. Fresh Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fluff, smut
> 
> A/n: Five chapters left and our mob daddy is making strides y’all! Look next chapter might feel like we’re making a step back in the beginning but I PROMISE that is not the case. What i have planned to end this series, the problematic problems need to happen. ANYWAY. Happy Readings Angels.

You’ve been told that sometimes, two people need to fall apart to realize how much they really need each other.A fresh start can be a peculiar thing, it’s as if everything that happened to this point in time, was a prequel to what comes next. It feels as if the book you were writing was closed and pushed aside, a new one appearing in its place, new words appearing on the clean sheets. They appear slowly, as if they have a calmness the first volume never possessed. They come natural, chaotic, and rhythmic all at once. And as these words form, in the deepest black ink, caricature dancing over a white page, they, your motions, are deliberate and intuitive, yet also guided by the ever present of those around you.

You had been back a week from your vacation, and life felt different, there was a calmness amidst the chaos that came with the life you lived. Your employees that ran your docks had even begun to notice a pep in your step.

“Things going good at home for you boss?” Your oldest worker had questioned one morning

The answer had slipped easily from your lips, “you know Jarvis,” you murmured with a smile “it actually has been, things just feel different, but a good different.” 

He had smiled warmly hand falling to your arm, “m’glad to see it boss, I hope Mr. Barnes is treating his ol’lady like he should, you deserve the world and more miss.”

You had squeezed his hand, “thank you Jarvis I’ll be sure to let Mr.Barnes know.”

“You better,” he had teased, “let him know I’ll go find him if I ever see you hurting again.”

You had laughed, squeezing his hand once more before seeing him off.

Though his words had lingered, things truly had changed returning from your trip; Bucky had changed. You and the kids were seeing more of him often, he was at your place for dinner almost every night since you had returned, and while before he used to linger to avoid his departure, now he stayed, albeit he would fall asleep with the kids in either Winnie or James bed a book plastered to his chest, but nonetheless he stayed, just like you had asked.

You had even begun to see more of him on your docks, his frame always appearing in the doorway of your office. He always had a reason to be there, “just dropping off a shipment for you,” “wanted to talk cargo,” “brought your men, some hot drinks and some sweet bread for taking care of my cargo,” “Peggy asked me to bring you this, it’s a must try, Steve stood by it,” it was like clock work, and you weren’t complaining. This was something you had done for him, before you served him those papers, before all this mess.

You were in your office, when a swift three knocks sounded at your door, you didn’t have to look up to know who was there.

“To what do I owe the pleasure James,” you questioned, eyes leaving the computer screen, a smile pulling at the corner of your mouth.

“Would you believe me if I said I actually don’t have a reason for being here right now, other than I just wanted to see my girl?”

You’re pushing your chair back, knees crossing, “your girl,” you question brow raised.

He’s moving forward then, door closing behind him, “oh c’mon dove, you don’t think I see it hidden behind your silk shirts, don’t see the indent of it where it sits on your fingers, your still my girl sweetheart, you’ve always been divorce papers or not.”

You huff, though heart beats quicker in your chest, “well you haven’t removed yours since I signed your papers, didn’t think I noticed,” you mocked.

“sweetheart I’m a taken man, this ring ain’t going anywhere, and I ain’t gonna hide it either.”

Your visibly taken back but a smirk kissing his lips has you composing yourself, “taken man or not,” you murmured, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

He’s taking a seat at the chair in front of your desk, “do you remember what today is?”

Your brows furrow, “should I,” you questioned, “things have been a little hectic these past days, did I miss something?”

His smile never falters, but there’s a sadness in his eyes, “It’s our anniversary,” he replies, “the day I asked you to be my girl.”

Realization dawns over you, your eyes slide over to the computer screen eyes falling to the date, your eyes meet his again, “God, I’m sorry I forgot Buck, but with us separating and everything going on I -”

He’s waving you off, “s’okay dove, didn’t expect you to remember, much less make it a priority with us separating -”

“But,” you murmured knowing there was more that he wanted to say, “well I was hoping you would let me do something nice for you tonight, I know we’re not exactly together, but I still would love to do something nice for you, for us.”

“Buck - I don’t know, the kids -”

“The kids will be with ma tonight” he cuts in, “whether you say yes to tonight or not, she misses her grandkids and offered to take them for the night.” You bite at your lower lip as you look him over, “let me do something nice for you dove, you deserve it after the year I put you through, though you deserve much more than some dinner but – but it’s a start.”

You let out a breath of air, “you’re right it is a start, what time should I get there?”

“Right after you get off, if that works for you, I’ll have your favorite drink and those comfy shoes of yours ready.”

A smile tugs at your lips, “I’ll be there.”

To say you were nervous had been an understatement, but you hadn’t been able to shake the nerves away. You had been slightly on edge since Bucky had left your office mid-afternoon, only after insisting that you let him buy you and your men lunch, he wouldn’t have left other wise.

As soon as he had left you with a swift kiss to your cheek and a promise to see you later tonight, swarms of butterflies had filled your gut. Is this what new beginnings brought? While you had never been through a situation such as the one you found yourself in, you needed to pull yourself together and reign it in.

Work passed you slow as you found yourself watching the time tick you by, “god why am I freaking out,” you muttered sinking into you chair, “this isn’t the first time I’ve had dinner with Bucky, I can do this, I can have dinner with him, it’s just dinner.”

Except that it wasn’t, this was so much more than just dinner

Leveling with yourself you had tried your hardest to keep yourself busy the rest of the way by checking in with the heads, even ringing Peggy up to see how she had been. By the time the hour struck for you to leave and meet Bucky, the nerves had flared again, and they had remained the entire drive, worsening when you pulled up to what once had been your shared home. You had to fight yourself to put the damn car in park, had to give yourself a pep-talk to remove yourself from the car entirely.

Walking briskly up the pathway, you were bringing your fist down onto the wooden oak, body stepping back lightly as you waited. A second later the door was being pulled open, you were nearly knocked from your feet at the sight.

You gaped openly as you observed his sharp jaw, chin, and cheekbones. His curled, warm brown hair sitting pretty on the top of his head, your fingers itching to run through the smooth locks. His dark brows were actually graceful, but were raised in a delightful manner. He stood in the doorway with the tightest shirt he owned, muscles biting at the cloth containing them, His hands were ladened with a glass and the slippers he had promised he would have for you. A small part was screaming you had been staring for far too long and to get a grip on yourself to say something, anything, you let out a breathy sigh, “uh hi.” 

A smirk pulls at his lips as he leans off to the side opening the space for you to slip in, “Hi sweetheart,” he chuckles as you walk past him, “how was work,” he questions handing you the slippers and glass of wine.

“Stressful,” you murmured as you took a sip from the cup, “you know the usual.”

“Well I’m glad you’re here, come to the kitchen, was working on dinner or breakfast if you will.”

“Breakfast,” you questioned as you trailed behind him, he offered you a smile over his shoulder, “Scrambled, or over easy?” 

“though you already know, scrambled please,” you replied, your feet carrying you over to the pantry eyes searching out the pancake mix. Spotting the box, you reached for it on the tips of your toes, pulling it from the cabinet. Shutting the door to the pantry you turned on your heel watching Bucky who was occupied with cracking several eggs into a bowl. 

You couldn’t help but to stop and watch him, the way he was so focused on the task at hand, moving over to him you grabbed the extra bowl that he had set aside. Pouring the remaining contents of the package into a bowl you whisked in the batter with the milk. You and Bucky moved around one another in a comfortable silence. You were finishing whisking up the batter, when you heard the sizzling of Bucky pouring eggs into a hot pan. You grabbed another clean pan out of the sink bringing it over to the other side of the stove. Your arm was pressed up against his as you placed your pan down. You went to turn on the flame when suddenly Bucky was gently pushing you out of the way. 

“That’s as far as you’re getting doll.” He said with a small chuckle. 

“Buck I want to help,” you laughed, a pout forming on your lips. 

Bucky grinned his hands coming up to grasp your cheeks, “and this is something that I wanted to do for you, let me do this for you, all you have to do is relax.”

“Buck,” you huffed, “what exactly do you want me to do then?”

“You,” he started “are going to sit right up here,” he murmured patting the island, “and look pretty for me,” He spoke softly, his hand reaching up to tuck your hair behind your ear. 

You wanted to give him a snark remark but instead remained quiet, a warm blush coating your cheeks. Bucky helped you perch yourself on the island before he turned back to the task of preparing the breakfast he had planned for you. You watched as he cooked, alternating back and forth between turning the eggs, and flipping the pancakes. Occasionally his eyes would meet yours, a warm smile on his face as he watched you sitting there. 

He turned to reach for something that was closest to you when you spotted it, “uh buck your lower half of your shirt is a mess of pancake batter” you commented with a laugh. 

He glanced down, “oh well would you look at that,” he murmured stepping away from the stove to pull the button up over his head. “There problem solved sweet heart,” he grinned tossing the dirty garment in your direction. Your cheeks flamed, “cheeky bastard,” you muttered as he returned back to the food, not sparing you a second glance. 

Your eyes roamed his naked torso taking it all in, finding yourself getting lost in him as he continued to make breakfast completely oblivious to you ogling him. From his bare upper half, you found your eyes trailing up his face stopping at his lips, you found your heart racing at the thought of your lips against his, what was stopping you though? Your eyes continued upwards to his eyes, his bright grey- blue eyes, that you found yourself getting lost in the more time you spent with him. 

“You checking me out dove,” He questioned out loud, a smirk creeping on to his lips. 

“And what if I am?”

He let out a low chuckle hands reaching to switch off the stove, his body turning to face yours, “I’d say go right ahead this is all yours anyway.” 

You didn’t say anything as the two of you stood there, a cloud of tension settling over you so thick you probably could have seared it with a knife. Deciding to test the waters, suddenly feeling a very strong pull to the bare-chested man before you, you unhooked your legs parting them slightly. Bucky’s eyes followed your movements, his eyes darkening slightly as he drank in your form. He walked closer to you closing the gap, his eyes locked with yours. He stopped in front of you, his eyes dropping to trail your legs, the fabric of your skirt doing very little to conceal you, his eyes trailed up till they were locking with yours.

Pushing the boundaries a little farther, you pushed your legs apart, your feet swinging up to wrap around his waist to pull him closer. You slid forward on the counter; his body meet yours closing the distance. His hands creeped up to your hips gripping them, your hands reached out, fingers dancing along the smoothness of his chest trailing up where they locked behind his neck pulling him down to you. You faces were inches apart his warm ragged breath fanning across your face. His tongue peeked out wetting his lips, your body shivered craving his touch.

“is all this really mine” you breathed, your question ghosting across his lips.

A small smirk kissed the side of his lips, “it’s been yours,” he murmured leaning down his lips connecting with yours. The moment your lips touched the swarm of butterflies from earlier returned. 

His hands fell from your hip’s fingers tracing lines along the skin of your thighs driving you absolutely insane. You pulled away from his lips head falling back a breathy moan falling from your mouth as Bucky’s lips trailed down your jaw making their way across your neck seeking out that spot just underneath your ear.

“Buck” you moaned.

He pulled back slightly his lust filled eyes looking up at you,

“I want you,” You breathed out staring into his ocean blue eyes.

His eyes softened and you knew that in that moment he understood your words. You knew he understood that you wanted him more than just in this moment.

You wanted him.

“You have me sweetheart,” he whispered into your lips as he connected them once again. You smiled into the kiss, feeling him do the same and for a second the focus shifted.

You were no longer just kissing in a lustful rage but instead the moment had slowed as you savored the feeling of his body against your own. With each kiss placed on your lips it brought on a whole new feeling of want and you knew that this would change things between the two of you. You knew that after this night there would be no going back. You were giving yourself over to him and he was taking it, showing you just how much you meant to him.

He wanted you.

His hands traveled back up your legs, brushing past your hips and coming to a stop at the small of your back. He pushed you forward gently hoisting you up in his arms, lifting you off the counter. Food forgotten; he carried you effortlessly to your shared bedroom, setting you down on the plush bed. His fingers did quick work of your button up sliding the silk material down your arms. His lips were finding yours again in the dim light of the room, your fingers running along his chest as he hovered above you, your hand coming to a stop just above the waistband of his pants.

He pulled away from you, body hovering just over yours, his hands on either side of your head holding him above you.

His eyes softened, “I need you to know this changes everything for me dove, I want to be there for you and the kids in more ways than one.”

“I know Buck,” you smiled a single hand coming up to cup his cheek.

“I’m not going anywhere sweetheart, I want this with you, I’ve always wanted this with you s’why I asked you to marry me, and I’m going to be there for you like I should have been, I want to do this with you, I want to live the rest of my life with you,” He whispered as he leaned back down closing the distance between your lips once more. You pulled him closer to you, letting the feelings you had tried so hard to hold down for your ex-husband spring free.

His lips fall away from yours trailing down your neck, between the valley of your breasts where he stops to lick at the skin there, “so beautiful dove,” he murmurs licking a strip of your skin, his warm breath causing goosebumps to arise.

Your body warms further as his left hand trails up your stomach body arching with it, he stops just along the swell of your breast, thumb reaching out to slide into the fabric of your black lace bra, gliding over your hardening nipple, heat pools between your legs. A breathy moan falls from your lips at the sensation, Bucky chuckles lowly, warmth breath fanning across your dampened skin, “you were always so responsive to my touches weren’t you.”

“Well had you paid your wife more attention than the fucking job you would remember just how responsive I can be,” you bit back. He’s nipping at your skin drawing a gasp from you, his hand moving away from your breast, fingers trailing down your skin. You suck in a breath - it always felt like the first time with him - his hand slides down past your waist, fingers dipping further down tills he’s reaching the bottom of your skirt. His hand pulls the fabric of the skirt up till his fingers are cupping you through your dampened underwear, a moan falls from your lips as he presses a single digit into your folds, wetting the fabric of your panties more.

A low moan falls from your lips, your hips rolling into his hand, eyes slipping shut.

Bucky grins against your skin, his lips gliding up till they’re right by your ear, “I promise I’m never going to neglect you or this pussy ever again” he whispers, “I’m going to reassure you of that every night after work,” he husks, “you’re going to be a breathy moaning mess under me, would you like that dove, would you like to be under me every night,” he breathes teeth nipping at your ear.

“Fuck please,” you moan back arching off of the bed. Bucky presses his hand down harder against you stilling your hips. He pulls his face away from your neck his eyes holding yours, “you’d like that, wouldn’t you baby, like me to fuck you.” He whispers, you swallow, tongue running over your lower lip. You’re sucking in a breath as his fingers push your panties to the side, his index finger finding its way into your dampened folds. The sensation alone has a breathy “Bucky” falling from your lips followed by a broken moan as his finger grazes your clit.

His fingers work over your clit, your body writhing under his hand, broken desperate moans falling from your lips. A whine follows as Bucky tears his hand from your underwear, “no,” you moan hips chasing his hand.

He chuckles lowly, the sound making your thighs clench, “don’t worry dove, l’ve got you” he whispers ducking down to press his lips to yours. He pulls away much too quickly, your lips chasing his as they find their way back to your neck. 

He licks, sucks, and nips at your heated skin leaving a trail down your body. Like his fingers he makes his way from your neck, down the valley of your breast till he’s reaching the top of your skirt. He pulls away from you leaning back on his feet as his hands reach down pulling on your skirt till he’s slipping it past your feet discarding the material to the side.

He’s adjusting himself on the bed, his hands pulling on your thighs as he adjusts you, your legs spread for him. He scoots in closer; his head lowering between your thighs, his warm breath fanning across your mound, a shiver rolls through you. A loud moan falling from your mouth, “that’s right sweetheart, be as loud as you want, let me hear you,” he grunts, his mouth pressing harshly against your cotton covered pussy, his tongue pressing into you, the cotton rubbing against your aching clit.

“Jesus Buck, fuck,” you gasp body arching off of the bed.

He laughs lowly, tongue still running over your covered mound, he gazes up at you from between your legs, “beautiful dove, fucking beautiful.” Another moan rips through you at Bucky’s words, your hand reaching down to tangle in his shortened locks as he continues his assault on your sensitive skin. His thumb is joining his mouth as he presses it into you, the digit rubbing against your aching clit, the fabric of your panties dragging deliciously against it. Your toes curl, body writhing desperately on the bed. He glances up at you from where he’s perched between your legs, his eyes darkening, “you going to cum for me sweetheart, you think you can come for me like this,” he questions his breath ghosting over you.

A breathy “yes” falls from your lips, your body buzzing with the need for release the teasing too much, you need to feel him. Bucky continues his onslaught, alternating between nipping and sucking at your sensitive skin, thumb working faster against your clit. “Fuck,” you gasp, “please Bucky,” you plead, “please.” Your desperate for him, for the need of release. His thumb pushes into you harder, working over you faster, his lips latching onto your skin, sucking. His name falls from your lips in a prayer as your orgasm takes you by surprise back arching off the sheets, your fingers tightening in his hair.

Bucky barley gives you a second to catch your breath before he’s moving, his hands gripping the middle of your panties, ripping them.

“Those were my favorite pair James,” you whine.

He’s pressing against you again, his face pressing in close, “I’ll buy you some new ones dove, get you the best damn pair money can buy,” he murmurs, his tongue peeking out to press against your folds. His tongue dips in dragging across your entrance till he’s flicking up against your clit, the tip of his tongue circling it. Your chest heaves “you better,” comes your breathy reply, your thighs clenching around his head from the pleasure surging through you. Bucky takes a hold of your them hands pushing, spreading you out for him, your back arches, as his tongue flicks teasingly in and out of your soaked folds.

Your fingers flatten, searching for anything to grab ahold of. His mouth works over you, taking you higher, tongue alternating between your clit and your dripping entrance.

“Bucky,” you moan, “please.”

He continues to work you over, moans of pleasure falling from his lips, the vibrations leaving you quaking in his hold. Your fingers find their way into his hair, your eyes glancing down at him the sight alone leaving you a breathless mess. He glances up his ocean grey eyes connecting with yours, you weren’t sure it was possible but they seemingly darkened more as he pushed you closer to release. His arms wrap around your spread thighs pulling you into him more, his lips work faster, tongue gliding quicker as he works you over. A loud moan falls from your lips as he quickens the pace, his name falling from your lips in a silent prayer as your grind up against his mouth. A moan catches in your throat, his lips finding your clit as he sucks harshly, his tongue working over it with quick strokes. Your pussy clenches, body heaving as the intense pleasure washes over you. Bucky doesn’t stop as he works you through your orgasm his tongue continuously flicking over you, dipping into you to suck up your juices. Your vision goes white as you clench around him fingers pulling at his hair.

“F-fuck,” you choke out thighs trembling as you wind down, Bucky chuckles as he moves up your body kissing up your sweat slicked skin. He looms over you eyes hooded with lust, a small smile on his glistening lips. Your hands come up wrapping themselves around the back of his neck pulling him down to you. Your lips press against his, a groan falling from your lips as you taste yourself on his sinful tongue.

He pulls away to get the rest of his clothes off, you take the time to watch him but not for long before he’s moving in again, his hands pushing your thighs further apart as he settles between them. You watch through lust filled eyes as he grips his cock in hand running it through your folds teasingly before he’s pressing in, a slow delicious burn that has a shiver rolling through your spine. Bucky leans down his forehead pressing down onto yours, breathing each other in as he rolls his hips into you. His cock dragging in and out of you at a slow toe-curling pace. Your body writhes against him, your heels digging into his ass to press him closer to you, you need to feel him, you want to feel him.

Bucky changes the angle; unwrapping your legs, he hauls one over his shoulder the other gripped tightly in his hand as he spreads you out, the angle driving him impossibly deeper, a gasp catches in your throat, “fuck,” you moan, “fuck right there.”

“That’s it sweetheart, fuck just like that, let me feel you cum for me.” He grunts his thrust jarring you.

A few more hard thrusts and his thumb sweeping over your clit has you shouting out his name in a breathy moan. Your back arches, thighs trembling as the waves of pleasure wash over you. Bucky continues to push into you, dragging out your orgasm as his takes over, your name tumbling from his lips as he crashes into you.

Bucky slumps forward his face falling into your neck as he takes in a shuddering breath. “Fuck dove,” he grunts. “Missed you so much,” he murmurs pressing a kiss to your sweat-slicked skin, “never letting you or the kids out of my sight ever again.”

Your hands wrap around him, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’d hope not.”


	16. Tell Me What You Want

You had been in a great place with Bucky, had decided that it was best for the two of you to still take things slow. You wanted to rebuild that love that you once had for one another, and Bucky had vowed to do it right by you. Had promised it.

It wasn’t like you were giving him much of a choice either, “I’m not falling back into you straight away Buck,” you had warned, “if we’re doing this, we’re doing it right, I don’t want either of us getting hurt this time around, so we’re doing this slow for the sake of you, me, and the kids,” and he had agreed whole heartedly.

The thing was It wasn’t hard to fall for a man that had charm like James Buchanan Barnes. He was a smooth talker, would do anything and everything for the woman he loved no questions asked. You had seen him go against his fathers wishes, had seen him turn against his own men he dealed with, he had even gone after men who had so much uttered one single profanity directed at you. He had done all that for you, and he would do it again, or so he had said. You had hoped he would keep true to his word of being there for you through better or worse, because it seems you would be needing him a lot more now.

You were late, a week and a half late to be exact.

You were standing in the restroom of you docks, pregnancy test placed on the counter, a timer on your phone counting down the 5 minutes for you, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at the white test while you waited.

You couldn’t get the thought of you should have been more careful out of your head, you were surprised this hadn’t happened sooner, sooner as in the first time you had slept with Bucky since being divorced.

‘oh god what the hell am I going to do,’ you murmured shakily body thrumming as you paced the small restroom. You jumped in your skin as your phones timer chimed noisily in the room, your eyes shot down turning off the alarm. Shutting your eyes you sucked in a breath, blowing it out slowly through your mouth, ‘it’s going to be okay; it’s going to be okay’ you breathed as you turned bracing yourself against the porcelain counter.

You opened your eyes giving your distressed form a once over before you were glancing down, the air knocked from your lungs.

‘Pregnant’ stared back at you on the tiny digital screen.

“Fuck,” you whispered tears threatening to spill, you needed to get out of here.

Pocketing the pregnancy test and discarding the box you made your way from the restroom, though you didn’t make it far.

“Dolores,” you questioned to the petite brunette waiting by the door of your office, “to what do I owe the pleasure,” you questioned noticing a file in her hand.

You watch as she looks behind her, as if making sure the two of you were alone, “i didn’t want to have to do this, but I think its best if you receive this from me.”

You looked at her brows furrowed, “receive what, did Bucky send you?” 

Dot’s moving forward then, “something like that, look y/n, like I said I’m sorry you have to be receiving this from me, but otherwise I don’t think Bucky would have ever come clean.”

Dread fills your stomach at her words, “Come clean about what Dolores, did James do something?”

She sighs as she moves forward, hands outstretched with the file, “i really am sorry that you have to find out this way, I prefer if you look at the file once I’m gone.”

Your brows are furrowing further, heart racing in your chest, “o-once you’re gone,” you question shakily, “Dolores what is in these files, does James know you’re here?”

She doesn’t offer you an answer as she turns on her heel, you’re left looking after her till shes out of sight. Dread fills you entirely as you look down at the closed file in hand, tears threaten to fill your eyes, you to the ceiling, ‘James what did you do,” you murmur as you open the file, eyes widening, a choked sob escaping your lips.

It was happening all over again, this was never meant to work out, the two of you were never meant to work in this life. You were inconsolable as you drove through the streets that would take you to him, but you knew the second you laid eyes on him that the anger dwelled below the pain that’s sat heavy on your chest would rise to the surface.

You couldn’t get the car parked quick enough once you had reached his office, fingers gripped around the white envelope. Steve wasn’t there to greet you like he usually was, which was a good thing, he wouldn’t want to see the new one that you were about to rip his boss and best friend.

You were a bomb on heels as you tore through the building straight to his office at the end of the hall. Gripping the door-handle, you pushed it open roughly, three pairs of eyes meet yours, well it looks like Steve would get a show after all, and so would Peggy.

“hey sweetheart what are y-”

“cut the shit James,” you hiss tears flooding your eyes, “I told you, I TOLD you that if you messed up again, I was done, I fucking meant that shit James!”

Eyes are widening before you, “dove, what are you talking about, what’s going on, whats wrong?”

“Really James, this is how we’re going to play this, are we really going for another Lorraine,” you gritted.

He’s standing then, “dove seriously what are you going on about I haven’t -” you’re throwing the file on the desk, “you haven’t,” you questioned, “then what the fuck are those, can you actually explain the content of that file to me?”

“Buck,” Steve warns low, and you almost want to scoff, because it’s almost impossible he wouldn’t know.

Bucky looks at you warily before opening the files, as soon as he sees the first picture, he’s glancing up at you, “I wanted to believe this was going to work between us James I really did but it seems this life” you breathed shakily, “we aren’t meant to work in this life.”

Bucky’s shaking his head, “dove who gave you these?”

You’re scoffing, “wouldn’t you like to know,” you growled, “the same bitch that you’re seemingly lip locking with James.”

Steve’s head is snapping towards you, “lip locking,” he questions in disbelief before he’s turning away to grab at the files sorting through the black and white enlarged images, “y/n, now I’m not defending Bucky on these, but sweetheart these are edited stills.”

“edited stills,” you question with a laugh, “now tell me why the bitch would go to the extent of editing video, video she shouldn’t even have access to, she’s a secretary Steven, not a fucking right hand!”

“Y/n sweetheart as mad as you are, and as unbelievable as this might sound these are edited stills, these stills are from our docks,” Bucky adds, “Dolores has access to those videos because essentially she runs my - or in this case ran my docks.”

You’re shaking your head your anger still raging, “James, how is she going to edit stills to look like that, it looks like your fucking kissing her, and look at the way you’re huddled and holding her in the other images, this is Lorraine all over again!”

Peggy who had been quiet the entire time speaks up, “y/n, babe, lets relax a little bit here, you know Bucky sweetheart, and you also know that Dolores isn’t exactly ashamed of her feelings for your husband.”

You scoffed, “is that supposed to make me feel better about this Pegs, look at the pictures,” you cry exasperated. Peggy stands from her chair moving over to you, “y/n, Steve and Tasha are with Buck every time he is on those docks and I guarantee, GUARANTEE, that if Bucky so much as tried anything with Dolores that Steve would have socked him, and you know Tasha would have done the same thing,” she assures grabbing your hands. “Y/n those pictures, Dolores is going to wish she was six feet under for taking these images to you, because she’s not going to get away with drawing up such a lie like this.”

More tears are flooding your eyes, “I - I can’t keep doing this Peggy, I can’t keep up with these fucking women and the goddamned hell they like to build up around me, not when I have the kids to worry about, myself to worry about, and now a baby to worry about.”

Shit.

Peggy’s eyes widen, “baby,” she breathes, “y/n, you’re-” 

“What,” you hear Bucky and Steve gasp, you can’t bring yourself to look at anyone but Peggy so you give her a shaky nod, “I found out this morning before Dolores showed up.”

“Oh y/n I -”

“Steve, Peggy, can you give y/n and I a minute please,” you hear Bucky speak sternly.

Peggy is looking over her shoulder before she’s turning back to you, her hands running up and down your arms, “Steve and I will be right outside that door, let him explain y/n, give him that chance.”

You can’t offer her an answer because not even you’re sure if you will.

Steve and Peggy leave the room, as soon as the door is closed shut behind them Bucky is rounding his desk taking slow steps towards you, he stops a foot short of you.

“Sweetheart, I know what those images look like, and I can understand why you’re upset, but please let me explain.”

You’re shaking your head, nails digging into your palm, “you can understand why I’m upset,” you questioned, “you can understand why I’m upset, Buck you have no idea why I’m upset, I didn’t need Dolores little stunt today, out of all days the fucking bitch could pull something she chose the wrong day,” you grit out. “I was expecting today to be a little stressful due to finding out that I’m pregnant, but do you have any idea what I went through when Dolores showed up, when she showed up with that goddamned file,” you cried, “Buck I thought it was happening all over again, that it is happening all over again, and I just want this to work, I want to be happy but,” you try to choke back a sob though it makes it through anyway.

Bucky’s closing the distance between the two of you, arms going around you pulling you into his tight embrace. His lips press to your hair, both your bodies swaying slightly, “let me fix this dove, please let me fix this because I promise I wouldn’t hurt you like this, sweetheart I would never hurt you in the way that Dolores made it seem.”

Your hands are coming up to wrap around his back, your fingers digging into the back of his shirt, “what if it can’t be fixed?”

“let me try.”

Bucky had managed to grab the tapes from which Dolores created the stills from without making you go to the docks where you were sure she was, you weren’t sure you could face her without putting a bullet through her head at this point.

Bucky had showed you the entire video of their interaction of that day, and you could see where she had grabbed certain parts of the stills to mash together.

Your blood was boiling for a different reason now, “dove, I swore to you I planned on keeping my word to you and the kids and I meant that, I would never jeopardize that sweetheart, and now even more so.”

Your eyes meet his from where he sits on the desk perched next to you, “what are you going to do about her?”

“what would you like me to do about her,” your brows furrow, “but she’s not my problem Buck, she’s not one of my own.”

“I’m not going to make the same mistake twice here dove, what is it that you want me to do?”

The words had never come easier, “I want her gone Buck if the decision is really mine to make, and its one you’re going to follow I want her gone, and I don’t mean to sound like an overzealous ex-wife, but you really need to stop hiring these women.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “you’ve got it dove, hell at this point you could ask me to leave all this and I would,” you breath catches in your throat when his hand closes around yours, “I’m serious about this sweetheart, you’re willing to give me, to give us a second chance and I’m not letting anything get in the way of this, so yeah if you ask me drop all this I would, I would do it for you, because I love you, and I love our kids,” he murmurs eyes dropping down to your stomach.

You don’t have the words, though you’re not sure you could get any out without getting choked up.

Bucky takes notice, his hand coming up to rest on your cheek, “go home; go pick up the kids from your ma’s and head home, don’t bother lifting a finger tonight, I’ll drop by with some dinner, and once we put the kids to bed, you and I can have a talk.”

You’re nodding your head slowly, eyes meeting his, “what are you going to do.”

He’s straightening himself up on the desk, “I’ve got some business to take care of, there’s some trash that needs to be taken out, but once I’m done, I’ll head home straight to you and the kids,” he assures, “me taking care of the issue doesn’t fix what Dolores did, and I know this probably sets us back a bit, but I’m going to make sure this doesn’t happen again, I need you to see that I’m not playing sweetheart, I’m going to fix this.

And looking into his eyes, you could see a fondness there, maybe there was a place for the two of you to work in this life.


	17. I Just Want You

You hadn’t had to tell him twice this time to take care of the issue that bothered you deeply. He was going to assure that you would never have to worry about another woman taking your spot because they would never be woman enough to take the spot you made for yourself, his heart would forever solely be yours.

Getting Natasha and Steve on board for how he planned on taking care of Dot wasn’t hard by any means, after hearing what she had done to you, they were more than willing to aid him, no questions asked.

Bucky liked to believe he was an understanding man, he always liked to sit down with those he intended on ‘taking care of’ and personally hear from their mouths why it is they chose to wrong him. What was their gain? Was risking their life for five minutes of pleasure really worth their end?

Dolores had been unsuspecting, he knew from the smile she gave the three of them, that she had had no idea who she had messed with.

“Hey boss,” she had chirped paperwork forgotten as she leaned on the desk, “to what do I owe the pleasure,” she grinned, and Bucky had never wanted to wipe a smirk off as bad as he wanted to then.

He’s entering her office quietly, lips set in a thin line, Steve following suit with Natasha tailing him, the door shuts behind them with a soft click.

“Uh boss, everything okay, wasn’t expecting you three on the docks today” she says looking between the three of them.

“Is there a reason things wouldn’t be okay,” Bucky questions, “you weren’t doing anything you weren’t supposed to be doing were you?”

“Uh,” he can see her start to twitch, squirm under their stares, “no sir.”

Bucky’s tsking at her answer tongue licking over his lower lip, “I want you try that one more time Dot,” he murmurs leaning forward, “and this time I don’t want to hear fucking lies.”

She looks taken back, her body leaning away from the three slightly, “uh James I – what are you talking about.”

Bucky’s shaking his head, “what did I say Dolores, I said I was going to give you another chance to do the right thing and already I can see you faltering, what are you hiding if there’s nothing to hide right?”

“Boss I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she tries, “you’re worrying me.”

“See that’s exactly how my wife felt when you showed up at her office with these,” he grunts, his fingers waving Natasha over who throws file down onto her desk.

Dolores looks as if she’s seen a ghost her form cowering into the chair, eyes wide as she looks from the file to him.

“Did you not think my wife would come to me the second she received these, granted she came to run hell on me, but did you really think I wouldn’t somehow find out about this?”

“I -”

“My wife isn’t some dainty little dame that hangs off my arm Dolores, had she had it in her, I assure you, you would’ve had a bullet right between those eyes of yours, what exactly were you hoping would come out of this little stunt?”

“i-I - I’m sorry,” she tries, “I wasn’t thinking I-”

“you’re right, you weren’t thinking,” he grunts as he adjusts himself in the chair, “I have never, never in the time that I’ve hired you, given you a slight hint that I wanted something to do with you, if anything,” he adds, “you knew very well I was trying to fix things with my wife and kids, trying to rebuild with them, yet here you are pulling a stupid stunt like this.”

“Boss please ,” Bucky’s shaking his head, “save your breath Dolores, it’s the end of the line for you.”

“W-what,” she shrieks, “please, “she tries voice wavering, “please let me try and fix this I’ll - I’ll do anything please just-”

“You’ve done enough,” he stops her, “look at how far you were willing to go to try and tear me and my wife apart, you really think this is forgivable,” he questions, “what else could you possibly be capable of if I just turn a blind eye and sweep this under the rug, I’m sorry Dolores, but that’s not the way this works and you knew that very well from the first day I hired you.” 

“James please,” she pleads, but he doesn’t offer her an answer as he pushes to his feet, his frame hovering over hers, “Steve, Natasha, you can wait for me outside, I’ll only be a few minutes,” wide eyes meet his before he’s looking away over his shoulder, “make sure no one comes towards this area please.”

“Boss please, please don’t do this, I was stupid, it was stupid I’ll never” her pleas fall on deaf ears as Natasha nods exiting the door first, “I’ll be right outside the door,” Steve replies before following suit.

Once the door shuts quietly behind Steve, he’s turning to face her once more, “I don’t like having to do this Dolores, but I told you day one,” he murmurs reaching for the holster on his belt, “I told you that you better never find yourself crossing me or my loved ones because you would come to regret it.” 

“Bucky please,” she cries, and he gives her a pointed stare.

“didn’t I tell you you would come to regret it,” he questions, she’s nodding her head stiffly a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Yet you still went and did it,” he tsks, “you see I don’t like to do this shit Dolores; I don’t like to have to ‘take care’ of my own men, especially when my men are appointed women, you think I want your blood on my hands?”

She’s shaking her head vigorously ‘no’, “i’ll go far away,” she tries, “you’ll never have to see me again, I promise, I promise you won’t even hear of me, nobody will know who I am or my association with you,” she pleaded eyes widening as Bucky raised the gun eye level.

“You’re right,” he mutters hand gun cocking, “nobody will know,” a deafening sound goes off in the room, and Bucky’s eyes watches her life leave hers as she slumps back into the chair, a trail of blood falling from the wound in between her eyes.

A numbness washes over him, as he looks at her lifeless form, he always hated this part, he didn’t want to be this man, didn’t like taking somebody’s life, but he also didn’t like to be crossed, not when it involved you.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and he can’t bring himself to tell Steve to give him a few minutes. Because really, he needs those few minutes to compose himself, he had never aside from Lorraine taken a woman’s life, it settled horribly within him.

Bucky doesn’t hear the second set of soft knocks, nor does he hear the soft squeak of the door opening on its hinges. 

“Steve please,” comes his reply, “just need a few minutes.”

A hand falls to his back, and he wants to shrug it away, but your voice has him stilling, his body immediately turning to yours.

“Y/n,” he gasps, “dove you should be at home with the kids, you shouldn’t - I didn’t-”

Your hand on his cheek has his rushed words dying on his tongue, “Steve texted me, he told me you would need me.”

“you didn’t have to come sweetheart,” he murmurs, “but thank you, let’s get you out of here, I don’t want you seeing this.”

Leading you out the door, Steve and Natasha are there to head into the room, a silent promise of cleaning up the mess.

“get her home Buck, I’ll call you two as soon as we get this cleaned up.”

Bucky’s thank Steve with a pat to his arm, be thorough about it please, and get rid of the damned chair,“ he murmurs before he’s turning away, hand on your back to lead you to your car.

It’s quiet as the two of you make your way through his docks, your ways away from his car when you’re pulling the two of you to a stop.

You’re turning to face him, hands finding his cheeks, “you okay Buck?”

Your eyes are searching his, he shakes his head, “I don’t want to keep doing this anymore dove,” he murmurs, and his words take you by surprise.

“Buck -”

“I always thought I wanted to do what my dad did, but I’m tired of this sweetheart, I just -”

“what, what is it Buck?”

“I don’t want this anymore y/n, I just want you and the kids,” a sigh leaves his lips, “i just want you and the kids dove.”

And he meant that with every fiber of his being, he was done with this, this year without you, struggling to find ways to get you back had taken its toll on him. And with the extent Dolores had gone to he can’t imagine what someone else might do to take him from you or vice versa, he was done.

“buck you don’t mean that,” your murmured, thumbs running over his cheeks, “this job Is your life.”

“it used to be my life y/n, I lost you in this life, and I don’t want to do it again, I don’t want to lose us again.”

The words caught in your throat, “dove I was never kidding around when I said if you told me to leave this all behind I would, because if it meant I got you and the kids,” and the way his hands instinctively went to your stomach had the tears welling in your eyes, “well I would never need anything more.”

“y-you would really leave this all behind, for me?”

Hes closing the space between the two of you, his own hands finding your face, “I would do whatever you asked me as long as I would get you and the kids.”

“oh Buck,” you murmur, a tear sliding from your eyes, your lips meeting his.


	18. A Rekindled Flame

“I don’t know where the kids get the energy,” you hear his tired voice murmur, you glance up from your spot on your now shared bed. “They just wouldn’t go down, I read them three books, three,” he exasperated, tossing off his night shirt before falling onto the bed with you.

He’s huddling in close, his head finding its way to your still growing bump, lips pressing to your exposed skin, your hand find its way into his hair, “poor baby,” you coo teasingly, “reading three books to your excited children must be a difficult task,” you laughed softly, “they’re just excited for Christmas morning James.”

He’s pressing another kiss to your skin, “tell me again why we chose to wait till Christmas day to have them open their gifts?”

You’re laughing again, “because Buck, they had been beginning me for two weeks to make sure that they opened their gifts on the 25th and not a day earlier, they wanted to experience the ‘magic’ they had seen on that Christmas movie Steve and Peggy had played for them.”

“Remind me to ring that punk’s neck,” he murmured, eyes finally meeting yours, his head now resting on your thigh, calloused fingers dancing along your bump.

A small smile is kissing the corner of your mouth, “I don’t think Peggy would appreciate you ringing Steve’s neck, she needs him there for the delivery of their son.”

A grin just as wide as yours splits Bucky’s lips, “can’t believe you and Peggy are due around the same time, you think they actually conceived during our trip?”

You’re shaking your head, smile morphing into one of adoration, “I have no doubt about it, m’just so happy for them, they’ve come so far.”

Bucky nodding his head softly, his hand finds yours finger intertwining, “you know who else has come far,” he murmurs softly, and you already know the words that sit on his tongue, but you indulge him by asking who.

“we did sweetheart,” he smiles lips finding the back of your hand, “thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for letting me fight for you, thank you for showing me what I was on the verge of losing.”

Tears threaten to well your eyes, “thank you for not giving up on us Buck, thank you for fighting even when I pushed you to stop, gave you the sense of no hope.”

He’s pressing a longing kiss into your hand once more, “you always fought for me sweetheart, you never gave up on me, you deserved me fighting for you and the kids and more, regardless of whether there had been hope for us to try again, I would have continued to fight for you, you deserved that,” he stresses.

A tear slips from your eyes, “this feels familiar you know,” you sniffle, finger wiping under your eyes – damn hormones, “I remember being like this almost five years ago asking if you thought we could do this, bring Winnie into this world, and now we’re here again, and I’m wondering once more if I can bring another little boy into this world, do you think we’ll make it?”

Bucky’s face becomes thoughtful as he leans up, his body moving around the bed, until he has you pressed into his arms, his hands finding yours on your growing bump. His lips press to the side of your head.

“sweetheart there is nothing you and I can’t overcome its been a hellish two years for both of us, the thing is that you and I can overcome anything this life throws at us, Petal, it’s you, me, and these wonderful blessings you’ve given me plus the one on the way, I promise you my love that I will fight for the four of you till my last breath, I’ve loved you for so long, and I’ll keep loving you through it all, I will fight for you from now till forever.”

You turn your head to glance up at him, “till we’re old and grey?”

He’s smiling, head dipping down, “till we’re old and grey my love, till we’re old and grey,” he promises, his lips pressing into yours.

You had never imagined your life might have played out like this, but then again when you live this life, you live for the family business, your fate isn’t always certain. There comes a time in everyone’s life that the light that shines within you begins to dim, you get so immersed in something, that you don’t even realize what is happening till it’s too late.

In this case Bucky had become so immersed in his work, in living up to the family name, that the light that shone so bright within had begun to dim, taking with it your love. The thing is love never dies, it just fizzles out. And yours and Bucky’s had begun to fizzle out under the stress of living up to his fathers legacy.

The love stays though, it stays there buried by the emotions controlling you in that moment, so it never really leaves.

And you had come to realize that sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need each other. That it is never too late to start a relationship, to rebuild your home with the one your heart loves, and your heart loved him.

This year apart had taught you so much, it had taught you a feeling of self-worth, had showed you that you were strong enough to take control of something no matter how much the outcome was going to hurt. This year apart had given you both time to grow, the two of you changing, but changing for the better. In the end you had found your way back to one another, though you had never really parted. There was always something tethering you to one another.

There was no longer a fear living within you of your future with James after that evening on the docks. You had let yourself fall, had let yourself give in to what your heart wanted, and your heart wanted him.

After all you had made a promise of ‘till the end of the line’, and end of the line you promise would meet.


End file.
